Husband turned down sex

[SophieD1987]

Tonight my husband turned down sex and I feel sad and rejected.

We had sex the previous night but he knew I wanted it today because I’d mentioned it earlier. He went out shopping this evening then came back after I’d put our son to bed and told me he was too tired for sex. Then he just has sat on his phone all evening.

Usually if I initiate sex he turns me down, it seems it always has to be on his terms….

Welcome to my world my husband never interested and uses every excuse in the book we’ve only been married a year it’s soul destroying

I'm not surprised its soul destroying after only 1 year!
Perhaps its just me but one of the biggest joys in a relationship is the physical intimacy? Without it your just two people sharing a space.

It’s awful and we had numerous conversations over the years about it he always promises to change and make an effort but the next day it goes back to default - think he just wants a companion but not a sexual relationship - shouldn’t have got married really thinking about it as the issues were there before but there’s children to consider who have already been through bad divorces when we both were previously married so I thought it was in their best interest to have a happy family unit . I’m so lonely and hate my self because of the way he makes me feel I’m 42 and unwanted it’s so depressing. However there are a lot worse things in life happening to others and people fighting health issues and financial issues that I’m thankful the lack of intimacy and relationship dissatisfaction are the only negatives I have if that makes any sense ?

Turned down loads by DW, over the years, it’s so depressing, have stopped trying now and am looking elsewhere.

It must be unsettling and perverse to be turned down, especially by a partner or DP/DW. Obviously they can't have sex on command, but a strong sex life is incontrovertibly imperative to a functioning relationship. Feel fairly sorry and empathise with everyone on this thread. Eventually leads to feeling worthless.

I can completely relate to this. Due to young kids and limited privacy we rarely get the option to have sex these days. Because of this I don't expect it and usually try not to let myself get to much in the mood as know it won't happen so no point frustrating myself. But couple weeks ago kids were eat my parents fro the night and we went to a friends 40th party. Really good night, some flirting and wine and I thought we were going to be having sex when we got home. Because I knew kids weren't there, I allowed myself to get in the mood. Got back home, by time I came out bathroom and into bed he was asleep. I aged him some kisses and he just said im tired. I was so annoyed. I felt like real rejection. He knew I was in the mood, and we dont get many opportunities. More annoying he didnt say anything earlier that he wasn't wanting to so had let myself get more in the mood by time got home. I was really annoyed, but he didnt really see an issue. Sorry I know bit of a moan, but is just so annoying and frustrating!

@TracxeyS1111 nothing more irritating. Few things more frustrating. You're in the mood, wine has been consumed, and still rejected. Nightmare. Sucks.

Yes you summed it up well!

@TracxeyS1111 It's just not good, in the hood. Keep trying and hopefully you'll get lucky with him eventually. Sexual frustration/rejection can be dispiriting in the extreme... Keep the head up, if possible. Don't be afraid to be direct, I'm astonished by the number of men on this thread who aren't up for good sex with their partners.

thank you. I will keep pestering lol. but it is difficult as not a good feeling to be desperate and pestering. I want to be desired and wanted

No one wants to have to pester a partner for sex, at least not regularly. It ought to be more of a mutual kind of sexual rapprochement and something you want as much as possible, within the confines of life, kids, work, etc.

Yes agree. I understand we can't often do it due to work, kids etc... but when we can like that he should want to. if not need to!

This goes both ways, I’m 100% sure there are plenty of men on this forum who find their female partners are very rarely up for good sex,

but somehow the expectation from society is men are always ready for sex no matter what, irrespective of how we are feeling 🤷🏼

My partner would have sex every night if she could but I don't want it every night, I want it to be fun and everything else associated with sex and not doing it just to go through the motions. 2/3 times a wk is fine for me. She does sometimes feel a little rejected but also respects my wishes. She has a magic wand she's happy to use to get her through if she's in the mood and I'm not.

Tried to initiate sex again last night and again husband says he was too tired.

I’d sent him a sensuous text to try and help get in the mood.

Funny he wasn’t too tired when he was suggesting we invite various people out for dinner last minute last night. He went and had a cuppa with his mum and went and did the food shopping yesterday evening. But too tired to enjoy time with his wife when he got back apparently.

I’m giving it 30 days….

whats the plan at 30 days?

Speak to him, find out what’s going on in his head, suggest I deserve a proper, equal relationship and if he still can’t be bothered, time to call it quits?

Speak to him, find out what’s going on in his head, suggest I deserve a proper, equal relationship and if he still can’t be bothered, time to call it quits?

That sounds a sensible plan. Maybe talking will help. Does he know you are frustrated by it?

@acpk55 you are right about the societal convention that men are usually expected to be up for sex, certainly typical. I just think that in the summer in particular, It is so difficult not to be absolutely gagging for It. No one is universal, that's very obvious.

@DGConsultant yes, and I think that’s where things get a bit more tricky for some people, in LTRs it’s perhaps more normal for men to initiate, so men are maybe more used to being sexually rejected than women , so maybe some women find rejection difficult and take it more personally than men 🤷🏼

Yes I have mentioned it and highlighted that every time recently I have initiated he has rejected the approach…. So he should know really….

Does he still have a sex drive I.e do you know if he is still masturbating alone? Can help to give an indication to lack of sexual need or disconnect.

Why wait 30 days to speak to him?

Want to see if it’s a blip or not.