Why do men get so grumpy when they don't 'get some'

[buzflower]

Honestly, I'm fed up. I don't want to constantly be having sex!! The moment I turn him down he stops talking to me and sulks he then says a few days later 'it feels rubbish to be rejected' I can't cope with the sulking!!

Speaking as someone who has been rejected alot in the last few years ( to the point I’ve stopped trying, so our sex life is now effectively over & I suspect the relationship will soon follow ) rejection is difficult not to take personally,
I think you have to balance this out sometimes

We do the deed usually about twice a week, I am away with work for 3 days a week, I just think he's got a very high sex drive compared to me, since I had a baby it's never really came back, I'd rather clean the oven!

Thank you for replying

I think you will find plenty of women on here "grumpy" about what they see as a lack of sex.
I once shared a smallish office with a woman who clearly wasn't getting any.
Can't tell you how relieved I was when she broke the drought.
(Though there were other consequences)

In short, don't exaggerate the supposed differences between men and women women and men.

I’d tell him how unattractive the silent treatment and sulking is for a start. Grown ups don’t act like that. He’s trying to make you give in because as you say, you don’t like the sulking.

Just seen this reply. Two thoughts.
1 twice a week not too bad
2 - but you say you'd rather clean the oven.

3 possible that a certain lack of involvement in these 2 times and that is also causing issues?

Food for thought/communication maybe?

I don't think this is just a man thing you are only seeing it as the one who does not want sex and is turning down the opportunity.
Any partner in a relationship who is turned down will feel rejected, if this happens repeatedly it's not a great feeling.
Everyone wants to feel desired, attractive and appealing to their partner, rejection does not give any of these emotions.
I'm not making excuses for his behaviour but those are the emotions involved, males generally need physical contact to feel connected and loved, many females prefer emotional connections over physical to feel close to their partner.
That's just the general difference in the make up of the sexes.

Men that do this need to realise that they’re only making any issue worse. Who on earth wants to have sex with someone who sulks and stops speaking when they don’t get their own way.

I think you would be better to post on the relationship board.

If you would rather clean the oven than have sex then that's where is issue is

Could you clean the oven at the same time?

Would that be called “filthy sex” 😂

Wow. Sulking and giving the silent treatment to a partner is a form of abuse, but people think this is something to laugh at. This section of mumsnet really is full of disgusting people.

It's not only men who struggle with a higher libido than their partner. I have had this issue in relationships and it can be really hurtful. BUT I didn't sulk and give my partner the silent treatment and the issue was periods of months without rather than days. Was he like this pre-baby? Is he reacting not only to the reduction in frequency but also in the reduction in your enthusiasm? Either way you probably need to talk and you need to tell him to knock off the toddler sulking... nothing makes the fanny close up faster!

toddler sulking... when not getting any, not a good look. An adult conversation, maybe schedule in some playtime initially, but It should be a mutual desire to get busy, especially in this hot weather. He should be patient and understanding, so repeated conversation important.

The moment I turn him down he stops talking to me and sulks

It really doesn't matter what the context is. It's really, really unreasonable for any adult to resort to sulking to get their own way.

I would not continue the relationship for this alone.

In the early days of a relationship, I would definitely make a point of finding out how they respond when you say no to a request, however trivial.

If they can't have an adult conversation about it and, worst case, agree to disagree, then I would bin them off.

If only I had known this in my early twenties, my life would have been very different.

It's really good advice, hope it helps someone.

F2f couple here and I can say if we don't get it daily we both get grumpy.... Neither of us sulk though. We had a day this week where stresses of life took over, one wanted it, the other didn't. We didn't have sex till much much later that day but we discussed it earlier in the day that we didn't just want to have sex for the sake of having sex. Communicating is as important as sex

You make it sound as if daily is a norm or close to so no need for either to get grumpy. Presumably neither of you think of others while indulging. One thinking of cleaning the oven, one contemplating defrosting the fridge.

For us it is the norm and I can definitely say neither of us are thinking of housework when we're together. Having sex is about connecting, hence why we don't have sex if one of us isn't feeling it. Neither of us want to have sex just for the sake of it