Erection issues

[Searchingforpositiveanswers]

DH (43) and I always had an active sex life. After kids my libido took a nosedive and for about 5 years I had mostly maintenance sex, maybe once every 2 months, enjoyed it once I got going but was too tired and touched out to initiate much and I did turn him down a lot. Sex drive slowly returned but probably only had sex twice a month, for a few years, both initiated. No issues. Then about 4 months ago I suddenly got the surge and my sex drive is now off the charts. Particularly around ovulation. DH is pleased but I feel like a bit of a sex pest. Since then we have been DTD maybe 4 times a week. He initiates once or twice a week, I probably initiate most days and he sometimes turns me down. I would like several times a day and he knows this. We have talked bout it a lot and he says it's great but I can't expect him to just turn on the tap on after years of having less sex. He is making an effort eg oral etc for me but a lot of the time I find he can't stay hard and after I am done he is happy to leave it. I am trying to initiate when he is more likely to be up for it ( mornings) but even then about 3/4 of the time he looses his erection. Sometimes we can pull it back but a lot of the time we can't. An added complication is I just had a mirena put in about a month ago so piv has been off the cards a lot due to constant bleeding. The few times we have tried it since, on spotting days, he hasn't been able to stay hard once inside. I am trying not to take it personally. Maybe it's the pressure of being asked to perform much more than usual. I know he uses porn. Maybe he got used to relying on that. He said he was used to less sex and it's not an overnight switch to get used to the increase, although he's thrilled I am always up for it now. It's almost like the roles are reversed and I am fine with sorting myself out and finding our balance but just worried with him not being able to maintain his erection. It's not all the time. And the morning wood is there but half the time once we start it goes. Apologies this is long. I guess I am just wondering is this likely to get better? I am going to try backing off and responding when he initiates ( it's not going to be a no!).

As a man who was married to a woman that had a low sex drive. It does come as a bit of a shock when they suddenly hit a high spot and in my case it was many times a day she wanted me to perform! I would never turn her down though as I found it really erotic that she desired me so much & I was really happy when the switch happened but for men it can only work so many times a day if it's PIV I was more than delighted to give pleasure oraly or digitally alongside the PIV & it's the greatest turn on to me to satisfy a woman.
Sadly once she had the Mirena coil fitted her libido crashed & I think we only had sex 5 more times before she died at 52 due to complications from her MS.

Sorry for your loss, and thank you for taking the time. He is responding positively, and I am grateful for the effort it's just the ed that's bothering me. I am hoping my mirena won't impact libido. It's a replacement and I was ok on the last one. I know this surge may not last so trying to be philasophical. I just hope it's not me impacting the ed.

I probably also know how he feels about the ED bit as I started on OLD last year and got a bit of stage fright/medication issues causing ED with a lovely woman. It's utterly soul destroying as you feel so much passion & desire yet your old chap just won't oblige. We muddled along with me giving orgasms in other ways to her but along with other compatibility issues we split 😔
Still friends though but it really hurts not being with her as we connected in an intimate way on so many levels.

My partner has gone through menopause and now has 0 sex drive ( and has done for a few years now) , I’ve been turned down alot and have stopped trying now really

but TBH if she suddenly went through a sex surge I would be happy, but also pretty pissed of at the same time, ( being refused a lot is pretty hurtful,), and I’m not sure I would mentally be prepared for lots of sex , so some ED might be expected I think, especially if you wanting him to perform daily, might take some mental adjustment on his part due to performance anxiety

Obviously there are meds and the new creams on the market, but I think that would be an unbelievably difficult conversation to have as you essentially will be saying he not good enough at the moment.

Thank you both. So basically best thing is to give him space and time to adjust and hope that improves things? Obviously the last thing I wasn't is to pile any pressure on and hadn't appreciated there may be performance anxiety - we have been married for 17 years...

In my case I think my wife had been slightly beaten down by her parents attitude to sex in the beginning? Thankfully ED was not a problem when her surge occurred. We were together 17 years before marriage & 20 years married
I was overjoyed that the woman I loved and still fancied the pants off was having a surge of sexual desire. It was probably one of the happiest times in our married life.
Now in my late 50's I still feel a real need for that connection with a passionate woman (I briefly had it at the beginning of this year & want more)

Oh and talk about it, I find really talking deeply about your desires is one of the most fantastic things in a relationship.
I know some people are a bit uncomfortable about it but it should be the bed rock of any partnership in my opinion.

if you have gone from not much sex to a few times a week to being several times daily in quite a short time span then I think there would certainly be some pressure to perform on his side( probably all in his head )

just make it known that sex is on the cards if / when he fancies it and I’m sure things will right themselves in a short period of time

@WtP I wish you luck on your quest. I am sure you will find someone to connect with. Thanks for the advice. We do talk about it regularly so are on the same page there. I am feeling more positive now.

@acpk55 We are not at several times a day yet, that's just my ideal but I take your point. He definitely knows it's a yes from me whenever. Thank you for being reassuring.

That you do talk about it regularly is a great starting point & I also wish you all the best with your fulfilling life :)

No worries, I know I said be careful about mentioning the meds but having something like Eroxon in the house if needed might give him mental reassurance that “help” is available if he does struggle to keep his erection, but I’m not sure how you would raise this ( no pun intended), the other things are obvious really, good amount of sleep, cut down on the drink etc.

https://www.boots.com/eroxon-erectile-dysfunction-treatment-gel-4-pack-10327183?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid.search&utm_campaign=SO_eroxonppc&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1rqkBhCTARIsAAHz7K3i8-ldgGvom2hCfq5fU7tsQYjLssbq6AWrTb3L3ej2E_werqghOqoaAhX6EALw_wcB

So glad to hear you are finding your drive back on track. Erections are physical reactions as much as psychological. Like eyesight, for example. If he started to need glasses to focus you wouldn’t feel hurt, right?

For many men, sometime in their 40s erections become slower to arrive and quicker to depart. And for most, a magic blue pill is transformative.