Same old sex

[isthisreallyit70]

Married Male 48 having the same old boring sex. Always in bed. She doesn't particularly like foreplay, doesn't like me going down on her, id love to go down on her every time. I'd like to spice it up. Every time I bring it up she just says she's shy and doesn't like to.

It's really important to me and I've addressed it but she doesn't want to change it :-((

Where do I go from here

I’ve seen that you posted this in March too, you did get lots of advice and posters asked questions but you didn’t respond. Have you tried anything that the posters suggested since then?

Yes everything. It’s insane. I’m at a massive loss what to do :-(

Did sex USED to be important to her? Did she USED to like you going down on her?

What did the sex used to be like when you first got together? How long have you been together for? Did she used to enjoy you giving her oral?

I find it sad when I see posts like this, I've been in these situations where the sex has gone completely and I agree it should play a part in a relationship unless both people agree otherwise.
I suppose it depends on how much you do want intimacy for the next step.

Personally for me (I'm a 31yo female with a 9yo) I've always been intimate in relationships, if anything it's more me wanting it than the man! I've been in a relationship where the man didn't want to give oral and it was really important for me so I admit I did leave (there was also other issues) but physical touch is so important I think.

I had a similar problem. She simply was not interested.

I divorced her.

The sex was good at the start, constant. We used toys, joined in shower together, 69's a lot. A lot of foreplay, a lot of oral form each other.

Nothjng has changed with me id still want to do all of that.

Yes sex was important to her and she did like me going down on her :-(

I appreciate as getting older it's sometimes a confidence thing however I don't give her reason to think I don't want to do it anymore or that I don't find her attractive.

@isthisreallyit70 does your DW still masturbate? If not, do you think she would consider having bloods done to check her hormones? Thyroid? I really feel for you both.

Yes I believe she still does occasionally. As quite often I work away.

If she’s still masturbating then she is obviously still having sexual urges. I think you’ve found yourself in an unfair situation, your sex life has been dramatically altered without discussion. You need to have a very deep and honest conversation with her.

If you had a ONS and had a great time, do you think you’d be more likely to walk away from your relationship? I say this as once my eyes were opened, I wasn’t able to go back.

So how are things now? Did he know you had a ONS?

I was in the same position with my DP, I didn't want sex at all with him and went through the motions most of the time. I've left him recently as I just don't think we're sexually compatible, I don't have a high sex drive but I do want to have a fulfilling sex life again one day. Just not with him.
Not sure you can do much more other than having a frank discussion with her, you don't have to stay in a sexless relationship

You seem fixated on giving oral sex and being 'good' at it - are you doing this before she is ready, and has it become obvious to her it's for your benefit rather than hers? For a lot of women, oral sex is not foreplay, it's actual sex, and if it happens before they are ready then it can be uncomfortable and make her self-conscious.

Some men approach oral sex for women in the same way they would like oral sex to be done to them - as a surprise, early in the encounter, with no build up. Dr Psych Mom has a very good podcast on the different attitudes to oral sex between men and women. It might be worth examining your attitude to oral sex and to see if you're projecting your own experience onto your wife, because to be brutally honest it sounds like you're not listening to what she wants in this regard

This is the most 'man on the sex board' post I've ever seen

Her pleasure is the most important for me, I get no pleasure until she does.

While this is a good thing in general, and a lot better than the opposite, this can put a lot of pressure on sex - are you continually observing her, asking her 'are you OK?', putting too much pressure on her to respond in certain ways?

This was many years ago, I ended the relationship straight after, he didn’t know, we didn’t have the complications of kids/house/marriage, so it was easier to walk away, his good attributes weren’t enough for the relationship to last with me being in my prime, sexual incompatibility becomes an issue after so many months or years.