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Sex

Accelerated Change of Libido

10 replies

ChangedJunename · 14/06/2023 10:26

Asking for a friend! She is starting to feel a little bit guilty because her desire for sex has increased vastly. She endured a drought of about 4 years leading to divorce. Her 2 FWBs are not enough.
Am I right that this topic has been referred to in both Threads & Posts? Women in their forties and older developing a dramatic change in there libido. Any links or reading would be appreciated.

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MMmomDD · 14/06/2023 11:34

Totally normal in peri menopause.
Tell your friend (😉) to enjoy.
Why should she feel guilty?
She might need to find more FWBs.

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Likeaburstcouch · 14/06/2023 11:35

Did AI write this?

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ChangedJunename · 14/06/2023 15:48

@MMmomDD , Thanks, the main point is that I would like to refer to some other posts and perhaps threads or other references to reassure her.
Any ideas?
She is not peri.

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Yetanothernamechangeagain · 14/06/2023 16:20

What was she like before her marriage?

My libido tanked when I was married due to crap husband syndrome. I initially thought it was due to menopause but now I’m divorced and have a lovely boyfriend who treats me well everything is back working as it should.

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ChangedJunename · 14/06/2023 16:29

@Yetanothernamechangeagain I didn't know her pre marriage. No sex for at least 3 years I think. and just not bothered. Do you remember any threads on here?

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MMmomDD · 14/06/2023 18:45

@ChangedJunename

I don’t think there are that many threads on here on this issue. People mention ‘the surge’ and others say - yes, happened to me.
Most often it’s after sexless marriage; or bad-sex marriage. And in the 40s - it is definitely linked to peri (which is a long period, can be up to 10 years before the actual MP)
None of these are a cause of concern or a reason to be worried.

Why is she?

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NorthGirl72 · 14/06/2023 19:23

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 14/06/2023 16:20

What was she like before her marriage?

My libido tanked when I was married due to crap husband syndrome. I initially thought it was due to menopause but now I’m divorced and have a lovely boyfriend who treats me well everything is back working as it should.

Crap husband syndrome 😂- I think I had that too!

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NorthGirl72 · 14/06/2023 19:36

I was 45.
In a sexless marriage (over a decade of no action) - 2 reasons: (1) crap husband syndrome and (2) I realised I wasn’t attracted to him (he was ten years older).
Became horny as hell a few months after my periods suddenly stopped (abruptly) and, although I felt high as a kite on sex hormones, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t go near my husband and, by this point, knew/thought I’d never have sex again (even though I’d never had lovely, passionate sex before as, mentioned already, I had crap husband syndrome like pp said too).

I naturally, and instinctively, started chatting to men online and flirting in real life (which I’d never done before). Got chatting to a lovely guy (who is still in my life 6 years on) and the sexual chemistry between us is intense. It woke me up to a lot of issues in my marriage and I ended it once I had met said chat friend. I feel absolutely distraught that I stayed in a dead bedroom/affection-less marriage for over 20 years!!! I’ve missed out. It took the sex surge for this to happen.
I am still very sexual but I think I always was but just with the wrong man.

My intense feelings of fanny gallops (pardon the expression) did settle down after about 9 months but my life has changed forever!!

I had no idea about the sex surge of menopause until after all of the above was done!!

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ChangedJunename · 14/06/2023 22:27

Thanks everyone for your remarks and observations.
I shall ask MN to close this now, I think my friend is reading this. Very kind of you to add your own personal experiences in a tactful way..

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HebeMumsnet · 14/06/2023 22:51

We've closed this thread to new posts as the OP thinks their friend has probably had enough advice to contend with now. Thanks to all who offered their thoughts.

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