I reported abuse

[Weeviking]

I reported sexual abuse by a previous partner. Police called today and someone is coming to my property on Sunday to talk to me about it.

Does anyone know what happens during this session?

I'm scared/guilty/worried what happened will seem very minor in the grand scheme of things.
I also have very little evidence and don't want to be wasting their time.

I’m so sorry you experienced the abuse. I’m afraid I don’t have any info to give you. I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for speaking up, good luck for Sunday. Whatever happened to you was significant, please don’t doubt yourself, abuse of any type should not be tolerated xx

Thank you @Mermaidparades.

The person I spoke to on the phone was kind and just said they would send officers to my address. Asked me if I had any messages and absolutely not to delete them.

I don't want to ruin anyone's life by pursuing anything, but at the same time there has been a lot of emotional and sexual abuse over the last few years.

Whether they decide to take it further or not you absolutely will not be wasting their time. It may be a small part of building a bigger picture now or in the future.

I'm sorry you need to but well done for having the courage to report.

please feel free to DM me, I work in this field and can provide you information about the process and what to expect.

@Surplus2requirements thank you. That is what has spurred me on to report to be honest, my information may not be enough, however I do not know who has reported previously or who will in the future.

I feel like it was a big step to be totally honest and I know I have done the right thing deep down.

@MrsBrollie thank you, that is so very kind.

Hey @Weeviking

I have been through the something similar to you, a couple years back. Every case is obviously different so I don’t to say what happened to me will be the same for you, but this was what happened to me at least.

The police sent around a female police officer as well as a trauma specialist who between them asked the questions. For me at least they were both lovely, really caring & helped me in anyway they could. At the time I didn’t think I had much evidence but these people are experts and they know what to look for so I wouldn’t worry to much about that.

Im afraid there isn’t really a whole lot more to say beforehand sadly. I’m so sorry this happened to you, believe I know how awful it is.

If there’s anything else you want to ask or just want to chat with someone who’s been there DM me. X

After your visit you will get a call from victim support to offer their services. I felt too ashamed to speak to victim support and declined their help, I wish now I’d taken it as it’s now years later and I struggle with what happened between me and my ex

Thinking of you and sending love, I hope you’re coping ok today xx

@Mermaidparades they rang early today to say they are unable to attend today so another appointment arranged. They called to reconfirm his name so I wonder if they may have other reports as well.

I’m sorry you’ve had to reschedule, prolonging the process xx

@Mermaidparades it all happened over the course of a number of years and the relationship did not end that recently; I wanted to ensure that I definitely wanted to report so have spent time thinking about it. I am not too worried we have had to reschedule, it gives the opportunity for me to maybe get things on paper and highlight the key things so I can be more prepared rather than a brain dump I guess.

Little update in that the police range and confirmed sexual assault and made me aware that due to this, they'd be obligated to follow court process and was I prepared.

Turns out I'm not and the thought of this terrifies me so I have hung off giving a statement for now.

Does anyone know how long they keep reports on file, e.g. if someone else reports him will my information form part of the bigger picture? Can I go back and follow up when I am feeling a bit stronger and prepared for that process?

Information is kept on file for a very long time. The information you provided will only really be used as intelligence. Your statement is what makes it evidence. If the police have enough compelling evidence they can potentially look to peruse an evidence lead prosecution (what some people call a victimless prosecution) but this is not the normal route. You can of course go back to it when you feel stronger, there isn’t really a time limit on sexual offences. Have you got and IDVA or some form support agency, as they would be able be with you and support you while you give a statement?

@mrsbrollie thank you, so if someone else reports similar then they would have my information on file and maybe get in touch for a statement at that point in time?

I just can't go through the process myself I don't think. But if someone else reported the same then I think I would find it easier. I know this may never happen.

No IDVA. I have spoken to women's aid who offered me support as well. I guess I am still processing it a bit as well, I think there are aspects of coercive control and sexual assault, it all feels very muddled to me right now.

I am convinced he was a covert narcissist as well and that there is a huge amount of cognitive dissonance in my head. I know what he did was wrong, i know it all definitely happened but I keep thinking maybe it was just to me or I have interpreted things in the wrong way. It's been 6 months and although I have clarity that it was all wrong and he was abusive, I would feel guilty pursuing anything. None of this probably makes sense!