OLD for hookups

[Ivegotsunshineinabag]

So after a few (13yrs) of long term relationship, many many children and breast cancer I’m looking to open up my sexual world again. DH is fully on board.

I’ve never done OLD so it’s a bit daunting. There are so many threads in the relationship board about how to avoid FWB and ONS situations, how to go for lots of dates, set firm boundaries etc.
So I don’t want a relationship (although FWB would work) I want to be safe though?

How do I do that?

I popped a few pictures up on FEELD, have gotten plenty of interest. Don’t know the rules though.

Also, and this is probably more important; I’m still recovering from the breast cancer. I don’t have nipples. At what point do I broach that?

Do you think that’s going to be a problem?

@Ivegotsunshineinabag So you will be in an open relationship, or is your DH on this journey with you? Regardless, open & honest communications with your DH are key.

You can try Fabswingers, but it's not for the faint hearted, and you need a thick skin. Killing Kittens is an option. I don't have much experience with Feeld.

However any dating site / app can be used to find a FWB / FB - I found both of my previous FWB on "normal" dating apps. If you put in your profile that that's what you are looking for, then I'm certain you will soon have a queue...

You could put in your profile that you've had breast Cancer (congratulations for being a survivor!) and refer to the lack of nipples - if people actually read it, then their expectations are set. If you find someone that interests you then I'd re-iterate the fact - the right person won't be bothered - I dated a breast cancer survivor recently, and it didn't bother me at all.

As far as safety goes, I'd recommend always meeting for at least one social before any naughtiness. For me, connection & chemistry is vital, plus you want to be sure they actually look like their photos... Although a video call would sort that out.

You could try jumping in the deep end, and attending a local swingers club with (or without!) your DH.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Thanks for your replay @AverageGuy .

No, DH is very not interested and wishes for me to go off and do my own thing. As long as I’m careful, which I will be.

Weirdly, as I thought the bio was quite an important thing, I have had a very good response with nothing written there.

I have three pictures up, one of which is in a museum. It seems the more interested guys will comment on that pic?

That sounds sensible, like a coffee in a pubic place? Then arrange another meeting if it’s all good?

TBH I’m not that interested in swingers clubs. I’m not against them, but not convinced I’d enjoy it.

The other thing is that I am tall, like 6’. Which is great usually! And I don’t mind guys that are a bit shorter….but a guy under 5’ 10’’ is a bit….incompatible. How do mention that? Before or after admitting that I am not exactly perfect, especially if you like nipples.

@Ivegotsunshineinabag Fair enough. As long as you are open & honest with him, go for it. As you've discovered, you only live once!

Careful should include safe sex. Definitely mention THAT on your profile.

you are a woman, on a hook up website, looking for a hook-up... Trust me, you could have just posted a very blurred picture of your elbow, and you would have gotten messages!

Yes, coffee or drinks in a public place. Make sure someone knows where you are - maybe a close friend that you can call to say everything is ok? There is nothing to stop you going further on the first meet if you want!

Swingers clubs aren't for everybody - it was just a thought - at least everyone there is looking for the same thing, and you can see they are real, and what they look like.

Don't forget that you are in charge of who you meet - yes, put as much detail in your profile as you wish - including the sort of person you'ld prefer. I'm 6' 2"

Just be aware that there are a lot of married men pretending to be single on all sites. Whilst your OH might not be bothered, their OH might well be!

I'm 6'... below 5'10" is definitely not incompatible! 😉

Swingers clubs can be fun, you may find a single female who wants the security of arriving with someone too.

swingers parties are better - very friendly and fun.

Both the above - there’s far more respect than real world and you will feel very safe. If you don’t let staff or host know and they will take care of you.

Failing that, the FabSwingers site is ok. But you’ll find far too many guys and they are flaky, so clubs and parties are far more reliable, and imo, safer.

Interested in this too!

I've only ever met with guys who are willing to chat online a bit first. I have long standing health conditions that means I'm only interested in men who will be kind and a little patient, and less patient or lovely men often make themselves obvious while chatting.

I like Feeld because any contact relies on being a match, whereas unsolicited messages on Fab can be... off-putting. Start chatting and see who you click with! Follow all the usual safety guidance for meeting people online.

I wouldn't recommend parties. They can be awkward if they are small and there is no one you click with.

Fab is like the "Wild West" and not for the faint hearted.

Try online dating and be very honest in your first few messages. I'd say lots of guys would love the opportunity for no strings sex.

The other thing is that I am tall, like 6’. Which is great usually! And I don’t mind guys that are a bit shorter….but a guy under 5’ 10’’ is a bit….incompatible

to be blunt, what will height matter if you just looking for a sexual relationship, the average male height in the UK is 5’ 8”, so you have already discounted a large chunk of potential matches before you begin.

Personally I would say you need to put the nipples thing on your BIO along with your height requirements, the men can make their own informed decisions.

Try Illicit Encounters, it’s free for women and is aimed at married people looking for something extra