Ex FWB back in touch… should I go back there

[Passmethpens]

I recently had a FWB arrangement come to an end. It was my first ever one having recently come out of a 20 year marriage. - The inevitable happened, I caught feelings, I started to feel a bit undervalued, asked him for more of his time, which he couldn’t give so that was that. The sex though… whilst it lasted, was incredible, and tbh I miss it like crazy.

Fast forward to this morning… I bumped into him, said a quick “good morning” and continued on my way. I get a text from
him this evening telling me I looked hot this morning. I’ve replied and basically there’s been a bit of back and forward all evening and I just want to shag him. I’m getting really turned on just thinking about him! I’m pretty sure he’d be up for a meet up.

But it doesn’t change anything. He still doesn’t really have as much time for me as I’d like… but I’d get some great sex. I’m just torn.

Ive posted about him on another mumsnet forum before and basically unanimously been told to block him, forget him etc etc… but I really like him. And he knows that as I’ve told him before.

I get you as I was seeing someone recently and the sex was amazing, and I miss it. We weren’t FWB though, ex colleagues and we had a relationship of 3 months and he claimed he was in love with me. Then he went weird, claimed he had lots of issues and basically just ghosted me. I’ve just left him to it and he texted me the other night basically saying he missed me. So I get you, and yes I’d probably go back for some more sex even though I know I’d get hurt. His issue is lack of time too, but because he has his kids 100% and a proper relationship wouldn’t work until their mother is seeing them regularly. I guess we could be FWB, but hard when you’ve got feelings for someone. Be careful as you will inevitably get hurt

Man here. I'd tend to go for it, but it very much depends on whether you have gained control of those feelings in the meantime.
It does sound as if he has been honest with you.
So, check your feelings, avoid the temptation to play games with him.

I’d be inclined to go with the great sex, but make your mantra ‘it’s just physical’ and repeat 200 times a day! Be really strict with yourself, don’t allow him to be the leading man in your daydreams, don’t set yourself up for emotional distress. Life is so short, take the good time while they’re going!

Agree with @Mermaidparades

Enjoy the sex, try not to over invest and take your time replying to messages etc in order to keep it strictly FWB. If you want, could you pursue other FWB relationships simultaneously so you have a distraction?

Personally I'd really really want to go there again but I know it would hurt like hell and I'd fall hard. It's the latter that would keep me away but my goodness it would be hard.

It's a drunk text nightmare situation because that's when I would 😬 but the next morning 🫣

I’m going to his for dinner next week!
it’s midweek, so it won’t be a late one plus his child will be there so I won’t be staying over.
it will be nice to see him and see if we can have a go at being friends without benefits, for now 😬

Big mistake. You have feelings for him, he knows that, so I see this as him taking advantage of you. Any decent man who didn’t want a relationship but knew the other person did, wouldn’t do this. He’ll be fine and you’ll get hurt. You’ve posted about him before, nothing has changed.

Move forwards, don’t go back.

I don’t think he’s taking advantage, you’ve both been open with each other from the outset. Have a great time and please don’t get hurt xx

Read OPs other posts. She’s struggled with this and she’ll be right back to square one if she goes back there. He didn’t have time for her, she felt unimportant. It’s not nice to encourage someone back to that when her feelings won’t have changed. And he knows she wants more, he’s definitely taking advantage.

Don’t do it OP. You will fall for him again and be disappointed. I agree that he’s possibly taken advantage, you’re there and there’s no risk for him, only you. Feeling undervalued isn’t good. Other people have unanimously told you to block him and forget him, you should listen.

You're an easy option for him. Bit he won't behave any differently.

Well I’ve had another conversation with him explaining why I felt unimportant at that time. He pointed out all the things he had done right and clearly didn’t think he’d done anything wrong. But at least I’ve vented.
i think the problem is that we didn’t communicate enough.
anyway I’m still planning to go for tea. There will be no benefits, no kissing etc. but I do like his company and I think we’ll make good friends. He has been very sweet with messages etc for the last couple of days.

UPDATE!!!
He cancelled on me, said had to work.
I’ve told him not to contact me again 😢

@Passmethpens , Sorry about that. I think you've had a fortunate escape to be honest. Sounds like he would have used you for his own gratification, and you could well have got hurt in the meantime. Not nice.

I’m actually really cross!

I'd be bloody cross too, so you're perfectly entitled to feel angry!