Suddenly becoming rampant teenagers again in our 40s

[Justontherightsideofnormal]

I don't know what's happened to us! The last three months DH and I have been at it like rabbits. 5/6 times a week, sometimes twice a day. We have been together best part of 30 years, adult dc, definitely not the honeymoon faze.
Only difference is we have stopped using condoms ....... the feeling is amazing!! (Although I'm still not keen on the snotty drippy feeling from down below after)
Is this the norm in your 40s? Is the 40s the new 20s 😂

We’re exactly the same! Been together forever but we seem to have had a reawakening. DP is over the moon with not having to use condoms, he says the sensations are amazing! We’ve found that we’re both so much more confident in our bodies, our communication together is brilliant so we’ll happily suggest new things to try (and won’t take offence if the other person says no) and we have a bit more free time to enjoy one another. 40s rock!

Long may it last 🤞🤞🤞

@Mermaidparades so glad we are not the only ones😊

Yes same here (minus the condom situation as we’ve never used them). As above, we have both started loving our bodies; almost a realisation that this is probably as good as it’s going to get (although I have lost a lot of weight) and what’s the point of self-loathing?!

We also talk way more about what turns us on, invested in loads of new toys etc.

Long may it last!

Same here too! Both early 40’s have 3 children, he has the higher sex drive, after having the kids my drive dipped and I was turning him down quite a lot which was making him feel rejected quite a bit, the last 18 months have been mental I want it all the time every single day sometimes twice a day lol he is absolutely loving it and even turning me down at times 😂😂😂 I honestly don’t know where this has come from I’m thinking I maybe peri as I’ve heard that can cause an increase in your hormones. Hope I don’t lose it!

Wait until menopause hits! You may just want it permanently! :)

@Runaround50 is this definitely a thing? I've been reading a lot about it recently. I'm 55 and it's nearly a year since I last had a period, I realise I am quite "old" to only be at perimenopause stage. Just recently I've noticed a massive increase in my libido and I was actually getting quite worried that there is something wrong with me, as for the last few years I've had hardly any libido at all.

@Eightiesgirl It is definitely a thing. It is very weird and totally hormone driven I think.

I am the same. Libido dead for years, but these last few weeks, crikey, It seems to have re surfaced!

@Runaround50 thanks, you've really reassured me as I am exactly the same. I was worried as I read another post, where someone said it could be due to cancer or a brain tumour, yet I keep seeing posts about women around my stage of life, who seem to be experiencing the same thing and it's the first time I've posted on here, so thanks again for the quick reply.

I know, it's almost scary isn't it?
I don't think it's anything to worry about though.

It is like this for me, sadly not for my husband. I envy you, enjoy every minute!

@Takethatandparty30 My husband is the same, we've had to have some really embarrassing conversations (ridiculous as we've been married 25 years). He almost makes me feel like a sex pest but I can't blame him as for the last few years there's been nothing happening at all and now, suddenly, I'm all over him. Unfortunately, he just can't meet my needs. It's actually humiliating having to initiate things and then getting rejected.

@Eightiesgirl really sorry to hear that; what a horrid situation. Can't you both just take things slowly again and try to rebuild a physical relationship that way?

@Runaround50 thanks, yes we are taking it slowly but he never initiates anything, it's all down to me and I really don't think he's that bothered, he can take it or leave it. He's had a lot of mental health issues over the last few years and I think, sadly, I'm just a carer/mother figure to him now. I've got to the stage where I'm wondering if this is it now for me and I'm only 55. He honestly seems to have forgotten how to have a sexual relationship. There's no consideration for me, if we do get intimate then it's just about me doing things to him. Sorry for going on, I've never spoken about stuff like this before but it seems to be pouring out of me today. Thanks for your concern.

@Eightiesgirl that’s such a tough situation for you. I hope things improve. Try not to take the rejection personally (I know it’s hard) as it sounds like this is down to your husband’s situation rather than anything to do with you, please don’t feel humiliated. Big hugs xx

@Mermaidparades Thank you x

@Eightiesgirl ah that us so rubbish and I am genuinely sorry. Tricky situation, but how is your relationship generally? Do you get on in other ways? Remember, life is too short to be unhappy. You are only 55 as you say xxxx

@Runaround50 We have always got on well together and we do love each other but I don't think it's a romantic love anymore. We've been together through life's ups and downs and we've both lost all our parents and siblings, we've supported each other through tragedy and loss but I think we've lost each other as a couple along the way. I was going along quite happily until I got this massive hormonal surge in the last few weeks. Suddenly, I want more than just a friendship, I want a proper marriage but he shows no interest in sex and seems happy to just live the rest of our lives as friends. I've initiated things over the last couple of weeks and he tries his best to perform but I can tell its making him very uncomfortable and he'd rather just watch TV with a cup of tea. For the first 15 years of our marriage we had a good sex life but now it's as if he's forgotten what to do. I think he's become lazy at intimacy like he has in other areas of his life.

That must be very tough.
I think this is always the danger after a while. And throw hormones into the mix, can make things doubly tricky.

Maybe you need to lay the cards on the table and have an open and honest conversation about the whole intimacy subject? Counselling?

You need to make it clear that you have needs too and he is not meeting them as your husband. X

@Runaround50 Thanks for your good advice x

Excellent, good for you! Enjoy it fully!

Thanks for all the replies. Pleased its more common that I realised. Long may it continue 😊

@Eightiesgirl I really could have written your post almost word for word. I'm 57 and DH is 65. He admits he has almost no sex drive and also has ED. I've tried nice underwear ("I'm 65 you know... I've never been in to that"), suggesting anything other than missionary (but loses erection, even with viagra), asking for oral ("I can't breathe properly while doing it") and have finally given up. We are now in separate rooms. I feel so sad that this might be it. It's a second marriage of 11 years. I know we need to communicate more but it's only ever me who seems to initiate a conversation, I get upset and nothing changes. I love sex and always thought I'd be someone enjoying it well into my later years but I'm now in a sexless relationship. It's a bit of a dealbreaker but I'm not sure how the future is going to turn out 😢

@Twigletgirl27 your situation is exactly the same as mine. I'm 55, dh nearly 60. He shows no interest whatsoever and when I initiate it's missionary position only, no foreplay etc It actually hurts me sometimes as he just gets straight on with it, doesn't bother trying to arouse me. It only lasts a minute or so and is so unsatisfying. Like you, I expected these later years to be so much better. We are both retired, no longer worried about unwanted pregnancies, kids left home etc I think is this really it for the rest of my life? He's happy with Coronation Street and a cup of tea! He never initiates anything, he never even tries to hug or kiss me. I'm not a sex maniac, just a normal woman.

So sorry that this is how things are for you.

@Eightiesgirl thanks for the reply, we do seem to be in a very similar situation. Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? I must confess I think about it a lot. I would like a discreet sexual experience just for me, without leaving the marriage. But I don't know how to suggest it.... so I probably won't..