Turned on

[Jessiejoules51]

I was wondering if anyone else gets turned on / masturbates while imagining their partner with another person? Maybe a random person / or an ex?
I find my thoughts often gravitate to this while masturbating but I’m unsure why! It’s like a turn on but equally not at the same time!

Yes, sometimes! Totally get how you feel about it being a turn on and not at the same time. I can't think of anything worse than him being with someone else, yet I sometimes think about it... 🤣 It confuses me

Sounds a bit like intrusive thoughts. I'm sure there's an article on it in Psychology Today.

I know what you mean though. I have a good relationship with my wife but sometimes have similar thoughts but don't want them to become reality. Perhaps it's something to do with wanting to see your partner's pleasure as a third person?

I think this is pretty normal and probably more common than we think. Admittedly the thought has crossed my mind too. Would love to share the fantasy with my wife just as roleplay scenario but so far not yet opened up on this - not sure what the reaction would be.

Would be interested to hear if anyone has shared this fantasy with their partner successfully (without necessarily acting on it in real life) in role play.

Definitely think there's a few factors at play here influencing this as fantasy - the taboo element, voyeurism, and wanting your partner to enjoy themselves. Seems to be more commonly discussed in context of male watching partner with someone else rather than vice versa but must be common, but less discussed fantasy for women too.

it's definitely a thing

I enjoy the thoughts of my wife's pleasure and imagining her doing that feels good

I've read that this can be a way of processing jealousy - you're in control of what your partner is doing, because it's happening in your imagination, and so you can change the outcome and eroticise the feelings instead of just letting them be boiling jealousy

I suspect it's not uncommon. For quite a few years of our marriage this scenario popped into my head quite a lot (me watching her enjoying sex/giving pleasure to another man).

It definitely wasn't cuck. I wasn't being humiliated etc, but just enjoying the scenario in a chilled out, aroused kind of way. At the same time I felt oddly about it. Why would I imagine/get turned on by something I would never, ever want to happen in real life?

I did eventually sometimes share the fantasy with my wife at intimate moments and just occasionally she was very turned on by the idea. But mostly not and I usually kept my thoughts to myself.

Interestingly in the last few years the fantasy has faded away and now doesn't feature at all when we have sex.

No, never. Not sure from my DH’s point of view but I’d say it’s unlikely. I wouldn’t dare ask because then I’d be accused of considering it.

Yes, I have these thoughts on many occasions, and from what I can gather it would appear to be so common that not having such thoughts is probably rarer than having them.

For me, it certainly isn't about cuckoldry and humiliation. I have been the extra man in the bed of some good friends and adored the whole situation. I'd love it if my current partner would allow me to watch another man give her pleasure.

It's very common. Some couples act on it. I've met a good number of them. Lol.

Slightly different, but many years ago, my now long ex cheated on me, at the time it ripped us a part but as time went on I use to fantasise about what she was doing and how it happened.

@changedname1979 I had a similar experience when I was about 21 (many years ago now!) Was in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and she went off to a different uni to me and eventually started seeing (and sleeping with) someone else. At the time it was emotionally devastating and we broke up but it was also - totally unexpectedly - very sexually arousing imagining her doing things with someone else. Very odd. I'm sure a psychoanalyst could offer an explanation!