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Inexperienced new partner

14 replies

SexEducation · 05/05/2023 17:30

Well I say inexperienced but i mean more in the actual ability to know a woman’s body. When he was younger he had a few encounters. I was one of them on and off for ages.

However we have got back together. He’s genuinely a nice guy but he’s so inexperienced in anything other than PIV and that just rarely makes me orgasm.

He doesn’t know where the clit is. Not skilled in oral. Even fingers he doesn’t really hit the mark.

Position wise he’s only be used to missionary. Honestly I think he was in heaven with me on top.

We have had some really honest conversations about needs and previous relationships to. He was respectful but it sounds like his last partner a long term relationship was never passion and very naive sex wise.

Im trying to show him what I need and he’s taking it well but he’s not quick to learn. How long do I give it. There is passion, kissing and build up is fab just once we get naked it goes downhill.

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Cakencookieobsessed · 05/05/2023 17:54

How long you give it depends on how much you like him and what you're getting from the relationship beyond sexual fulfilment. Does he actually want to do better or is he happy with the way things are? Is he just lazy or selfish? Maybe you just don't have the sexual chemistry between you. If you've slept with him on and off for ages, I can't see it getting better.

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Telephoneman · 05/05/2023 20:01

Why dont you guide his fingers when he is touching you.

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Wakemeup17 · 05/05/2023 20:22

I had one of those. He was inexperience but quick to learn and even with meeting only once a week, after few weeks (admittedly few times in a session though), there was no difference. But he had a job that includes touching a lot of things so maybe that's why :)

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Estherpologist · 06/05/2023 07:13

Rather than lazy or selfish, maybe he's insecure?
If you're more confident in bed, address the factors you can control. What are you doing and what are you communicating. He will be curious and can learn from you.
Good luck. ❤️

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SexEducation · 06/05/2023 07:33

Definitely not selfish or lazy. He’s keen to learn just not good at learning!!!

Thats the weird thing is there is sexual chemistry. I just end up disappointed. Tried guiding his hands and fingers but have to keep guiding it.

Tried to tell him I need a firm touch he says I don’t want to hurt you. Urgh just listen.

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rach971 · 06/05/2023 07:51

I think it just depends how long you're willing to give it and how much (or little) you're willing to put up with. My partner is a bit like this. Not necessarily inexperienced, just not willing to move past the basics. I've had a similar conversation where he's said 'I don't want to hurt you' and I'm like for god sake, I've said it's okay 🤣 I love him though, and aside from it being fairly basic, the sex is good, so I've just accepted it.

I've once had quite the opposite experience to you though. I was with someone inexperienced. I'm talking late 30's and never really had a sexual encounter before. He also didn't really watch porn. But I found that because he hadn't got used to what other people may have liked, or watching 'fake' stuff on the internet, he actually learnt what I wanted and took guidance and gave me more orgasms than anyone ever has 🙈

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Estherpologist · 06/05/2023 07:54

In my experience, cocks and pussies aren't easy to hurt. Balls ... that's a different matter, so maybe that's a perception that needs addressing?
How explicit have you been with him about this? Have you had the conversation away from the bedroom? Maybe you need to do some trust exercises with him?

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SexEducation · 06/05/2023 08:46

We’ve talked a bit about it including out of the bedroom. We do need to explore trust (I’ve experienced sexual assault) and he did something the other day that triggered me. It wasn’t his issue or fault at all but I don’t think he understood. He’s very much a “put it out of your mind” person - that’s not how traumas and triggers work.

He says he’s spoken more to me about sex than he ever did with any of his previous partners. In the long term one Doggie was off the cards unless on holiday. I was like wtf. Doggie is basic every day sex!

Im going to give it another month or so and see if things improve. I like him a lot, I’ve always cared for him and him me. He’s super keen too. I suppose time will tell but I’m coming up to mid 40’s and feel like it’s time I got what I need- all or most of the time.

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Inthebathagain · 06/05/2023 09:09

Tried to tell him I need a firm touch he says I don’t want to hurt you. Urgh just listen.

I had one of these. His gentle touch really wasn't working for me. He had to have had a few glasses of wine to get past himself and give me what I wanted.

Frustrating thing is he thought he was amazing at oral and with his hands, so it took a while for me to make him realise every woman is different and he needed to learn what I liked, as what he was doing for me was not great! I think it bruised his ego a bit tbh when he realised I was kindly directing him towards what I liked.

Any chance that's what's happening for you @SexEducation ?

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SexEducation · 06/05/2023 11:41

Thank you. Yes it has changed if he has had a drink. More confident. He’s a bit of a thinker so maybe he’s overthinking things.

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GreenwichOrTwicks · 06/05/2023 21:43

Doggie was off the cards unless on holiday
😁 interesting -why only on holiday????

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SexEducation · 06/05/2023 23:57

@GreenwichOrTwicks I’ve no idea and seems he doesn’t either!!!

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GreenwichOrTwicks · 07/05/2023 03:35

SexEducation · 06/05/2023 23:57

@GreenwichOrTwicks I’ve no idea and seems he doesn’t either!!!

🤣

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SexEducation · 07/05/2023 08:28

I choose to go home last night rather than go to his after a night out. I just couldn’t be bothered with another night of feeling frustrated and was too tired to try. Even the kissing annoyed me last night.

I think I’m already getting the ick about this. Time will tell whether it’s salvageable.

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