Small penis and he doesn’t get hard

[whatisnormalanyway101]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Just started dating a man I met OLD. We’ve been intimate and foreplay/oral is amazing but he is really really small and whatever I do he doesn’t get hard so PIV hasn’t happened. It’s too early to bring it up in conversation and so far everything else is great but I’m not sure what to make of this. He seems to be enjoying himself but doesn’t cum. The size thing doesn’t bother me so much but can’t understand why he doesn’t get hard.

ED? Medication? Stress?

He probably does have ED or similar, but is embarrassed. The guy I was seeing until recently had a fairly small penis. Not tiny but smallest I’ve been with (bar one!). But he was great at foreplay and the sex went on for hours. He did have some issues getting fully hard when he’d drank a bottle of wine, so next morning sex I always preferred as it was a bit bigger when fully erect. He was a bit conscious of it, he asked me more than come if he was big enough for me, but it was the best sex I’ve had, so small doesn’t necessarily mean bad sex. But if he’s not hard then it’s not going to be great.

does he drink a lot? Is this still the same the next morning?

he’s one of the most chilled men I’ve ever met so I don’t think it’s stress. Could be meds I suppose but I don’t know yet. If it’s ED would he still get enjoyment out of foreplay and the experience generally? He certainly seems to be enjoying himself when I give him oral.

It’s not a dealbreaker at all as he makes sure I’m happy just wanted others opinions on what it could be.

Don’t think it’s drink either as the dates we have been on we’ve not had more than a few glasses of wine each.

How small is really really small?

How small was your smallest?

well I don’t measure them but one guy - jeez. Very small! It was only a one off (thankfully)

the size of my thumb maybe? Like I said he seems to enjoy himself (but then so did I with my now ex partner so he could be a good actor like I was!)

If you’re at the stage where you’re having sex then it isn’t too early to talk about the sex. Unless you’re his first sexual partner and he’s never read about sex, watched any porn, and has no concept of how sex works, then he knows that this isn’t normal. It’s fine to ask him if this is something that happens when he’s anxious or tired or whether it’s a long term constant thing for him and, if so, whether he’s seen his GP about it or otherwise tried to get to the bottom of it. Don’t let it turn into the elephant in the room where you’re months down the line and still pretending there isn’t a problem and both of you just avoid the subject.

If the latter is the case, then I think you have to really think about whether your current view that it isn’t a dealbreaker is sustainable. There are so many women on MN who post about feeling unattractive and undesirable because whilst their logical brain wants to believe their partner’s ED is the issue, they also just doubt that he fancies them and wonders whether it would be different if they were slimmer / prettier / younger / had bigger boobs etc.

Don't do this to yourself 🫣

I had a very similar partner for a while - absolutely amazing at oral but had a really small penis (thumb length) and ED. He could stay hard for a while with Viagra but the sex was quite unsatisfying longer term for me. He enjoyed pleasing me - but it all ended up feeling a bit unbalanced - he also found it difficult to talk about. Depends how important PIV is to you.

He has a grown up daughter so I’m definitely not his first sexual partner. I’m seeing him tonight so will try and ask him then.

Talk, talk, talk

Not sure what talking will do, it's the size of his thumb!

Just break it off with him, this isn't going to work. Think of a reason to tell him which has nothing to do with his penis, something plausible.

the size of my thumb maybe?

Not when it's hard surely?

It doesn’t really get hard. Semi maybe. He seems to really enjoy our time together in the bedroom.

I’m every other way I really like him though. I have a real praise kink and he satisfies that for me massively. I think there is more to be learned about him. But I’m curious about why he doesn’t get hard.

he’s my first proper partner after a long relationship with really unsatisfying sex. I will ask about it when I see him at the weekend but he does other things I’ve never done before and I’m enjoying being with him.