Having sex with someone late 40s/early 50s

NCfortoday2021 · 2023-05-01T07:19:48+00:00

Hoping someone with a partner this age in a similar situation can help me out. New partner is very passionate and loves having a lot of sex but he's a bit older than my previous partner and sometimes can lose his erection. Normally we just take it back a step and he gets it back but wondered how others deal with this. We get on in every way and sex otherwise is very hot and intense, I always orgasm etc but I'm just a bit worried about consequences of age gap (he's 49, I'm 39). Other factor in my mind is that I'm starting to have some low level early peri issues and I would hope for him to be understanding about that!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/05/2023 08:26

I think it’s par for the course with getting older
it’s literally a thing
and the fitter they are, and the less they drink and abuse substances , the better their hard on

i wouldn’t even worry about it tbh
its just part of aging and you can work around it

Namechangednorth · 01/05/2023 10:02

49 is young to be having erection issues purely due to age. Might be some other issue

NDerbys32 · 01/05/2023 10:16

Late 50s here. Best advice, if I may?
Quick 'well man' check at the GP surgery and include a PSA blood test - just to be safe.
Eat as healthy as they can but changes in performance will happen.
Nothing to be embarrassed about. My GP has been great in explaining it all, and having now lost 2 mates to prostate cancer, I always suggest covering all bases.
An occasional blue pill works wonders, apparently 😉

Original poster

NCfortoday2021 · 01/05/2023 11:08

Namechangednorth · 01/05/2023 10:02

49 is young to be having erection issues purely due to age. Might be some other issue

Do you think? He doesn't seem worried about it and we always manage to carry on after a break/change in position. I've never been with an 'older' man and so wasn't sure what was normal or not.

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Namechangednorth · 01/05/2023 17:30

It is good he isn't worrying as that makes it worse. However, it is young to have an issue yes so either it is the death grip curse so talked about on MN, or there may be an issue.

My rather indiscreet (wine fuelled) friends who have DH in their 50s were all very happy with performance in bed, although a second round wasn't usually the norm the same day without some rather good underwear and bed wear

Original poster

NCfortoday2021 · 01/05/2023 19:15

Hmm well previous partner was a porn addict and I'm not feeling the same vibe here but I could of course be wrong. The last time it happened was second round, about 2 hours after the first so maybe going again too soon is the cause? Trying to think if it has happened first time.

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xpc316e · 01/05/2023 20:21

By the age of 50, approximately half of men have issues with getting/maintaining an erection, so your new man is by no means unusual. As one ages, it is extremely helpful to realise the PIV sex is not the only way to have a fulfilling sex life.

Wakemeup17 · 01/05/2023 21:25

It's worth saying that those problems do not have to be permanent, they can improve over time, even without the blue pill.(Cialis is better IMHO...)

NoDatingForOldMen · 01/05/2023 22:54

Namechangednorth · 01/05/2023 10:02

49 is young to be having erection issues purely due to age. Might be some other issue

Nope can happen at almost any age to some men

NoDatingForOldMen · 01/05/2023 22:55

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/05/2023 08:26

I think it’s par for the course with getting older
it’s literally a thing
and the fitter they are, and the less they drink and abuse substances , the better their hard on

i wouldn’t even worry about it tbh
its just part of aging and you can work around it

100% this ^^

Telephoneman · 01/05/2023 23:40

I am 65 and I still get a strong hard on. Ive never had any problems in that respect.

AppleBrandy · 02/05/2023 04:45

Your relationship sounds pretty good to me! Maybe it's just because it's a new experience for you, that's he's a bit older etc.

I've a FWB who's 69, very fit & healthy etc, but naturally can't always get hard enough for PIV. We just do other things, and I'm not complaining believe me.

Yes there's Cialis, but that's up to him to explore if he wants to. He knows they're available. I say carry on as you are :)

Estherpologist · 02/05/2023 06:55

49 is not old when it comes to good sex.
49 is not young for ED.
Porn has nothing to do with this.
Death grip is a myth.
He sounds great to me.

What I'm curious about is why you are questioning whether he will be OK about you being peri? That sounds like an entirely different issue to his erections, so I'm wondering what else is going on.

Original poster

NCfortoday2021 · 02/05/2023 19:19

I do think he would be understanding about it - what I mean is that I would expect him to understand issues I had relating to that and vice versa. He is great - I think I just have this lingering worry that I should be dating someone my own age as I don't really know anyone with an age gap this big, and this is one part of that worry.

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Zanatdy · 03/05/2023 05:48

NCfortoday2021 · 01/05/2023 11:08

Do you think? He doesn't seem worried about it and we always manage to carry on after a break/change in position. I've never been with an 'older' man and so wasn't sure what was normal or not.

Show quote history

I think it’s on the cusp really. I dated someone who was 49 recently and the sex was amazing. He wasn’t always fully hard I found after alcohol but next morning was better. He didn’t lose erection mid sex but he did like to pace himself, change of position, back to a bit more foreplay which I’ve never done before and I do think this was age related. He made a comment a couple of times that he would have loved to have met me in his 20’s as he had more energy for me! That makes me sound like some kind of sex maniac but I’d been single for years before him and I couldn’t get enough of him! I think I did exhaust him.

Original poster

NCfortoday2021 · 03/05/2023 06:35

@Zanatdy yes it is exactly like that - great sex but just taking place over a longer period of time, stopping to return to foreplay for a bit or having a break and then carrying on. I think that it is also partly edging. Previous partner sex has always been getting directly from A to B so taking 20-30 mins rather than 1-2 hours of lovemaking.

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Zanatdy · 03/05/2023 06:43

NCfortoday2021 · 03/05/2023 06:35

@Zanatdy yes it is exactly like that - great sex but just taking place over a longer period of time, stopping to return to foreplay for a bit or having a break and then carrying on. I think that it is also partly edging. Previous partner sex has always been getting directly from A to B so taking 20-30 mins rather than 1-2 hours of lovemaking.

Yes it’s definitely different to any sex I’ve had before. I enjoyed it, but I’d imagine if that was forever I’d be thinking jeez get on with it! Haha. It’s ok when you’re just getting to know someone and the passion is high, but I guess long term 2hrs of sex every session is a bit much. The mornings we had quicker sessions but I think he expected me to want long sessions and sometimes he said he was going to come and wanted to change positions (edge i guess) I said just come! Maybe he thinks all women want 2hrs of sex but that’s often not the case. It was fun though

Athrawes · 03/05/2023 08:40

Last lover was 62, no problem getting an erection but sometimes took a while to "get to the end". Best sex I've ever had (sighs wistfully).
Current one is 57, same thing, no issues getting hard, can take a while to finish, usually by hand.
Neither would be up for a repeat performance within 12 hrs.

MadeForFun · 04/05/2023 08:32

My FWB is 50 and he's the same. He makes it last and last. Takes a break/changes position/goes back to foreplay. He does lose his erection occasionally when we're taking a break but can normally get it back pretty quickly. It really just depends on what else he's got going on/if he's been stressed with work/tired/whatever. Perfectly normal I'd say.

NDerbys32 · 05/05/2023 14:16

MadeForFun · 04/05/2023 08:32

My FWB is 50 and he's the same. He makes it last and last. Takes a break/changes position/goes back to foreplay. He does lose his erection occasionally when we're taking a break but can normally get it back pretty quickly. It really just depends on what else he's got going on/if he's been stressed with work/tired/whatever. Perfectly normal I'd say.

That's the way. Try not to stress about it, find other methods of getting the pleasure and enjoy it. Bit of a mindset change as we get older but still great fun.

haveyouopenedyourbowelstoday · 05/05/2023 17:58

I'm 53 and thanks to HRT, weight loss and the gym have a very high sex drive.
DH is 55 and although gets hard there is an ever growing disparity between mine and his.

TheBlindOwl · 05/05/2023 18:58

You talk about this bloke as if he's 90 ...

Honestly the age gap isn't as enormous as you're trying to talk yourself into that it is, and if you're not happy for any reason then bin him

But some of your posts smack of casual ageism and seriously, if 49 is old to you now, wait until he hits 50 eh ...

Original poster

NCfortoday2021 · 06/05/2023 18:26

Personally I disagree that it is ageism to be concerned about not being the same age as your partner. I'm sure most people bear this in mind when choosing a partner. If I were dating a 25 year old I would also be worried about different challenges that could arise from us being different ages to one another, whoever was the older or the younger.

Anyway, for those who were being helpful about the actual sex part, the level of incredible simultaneous orgasms this week is definitely assuaging my concerns...

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Runaround50 · 06/05/2023 19:36

@haveyouopenedyourbowelstoday what HRT regime are you on please? I