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How could I have done better?

4 replies

Yesivenamechangedforthis · 22/04/2023 13:05

Sorry this is long, but thank you if you read it.
Background is I have the higher libido. My DH knows this but has been trying to meet me halfway and his efforts haven’t felt forced. He’s on meds and has low T.

This morning he wasn’t up for it but suggested tonight. During the day he mentioned feeling tired so I knew it wasn’t on the cards. Usually I don’t initiate as then I don’t have to feel rejected. I didn’t get upset when he turned me down.
His jokes today have really been barbs.
He joked that if there was an upset with the sporting match he was watching I would be punished (I mentioned it wasn’t a close one so he decided to switch it off early). I then asked what my punishment would be and he said hiding a small amount of shit on my side of the bed. Anyway I blew up at him and now he has stopped talking to me.

I wanted to see if anyone had any ideas on how to roll with a joke when you feel degraded. I know he would never do anything like he suggested but I guess knowing that he had suggested sex in the evening but then went on to act in such a repulsive way was kind of twisting the knife.

OP posts:
Yesivenamechangedforthis · 22/04/2023 14:38

Just an update. I think I’m going to apologise tomorrow morning for blowing up but going forward I will be polite but give less than him in every interaction. Instead I’ll just put all my focus on my kids.
Also sorry no private messages, but thank you to the person who tried to give some advice.

OP posts:
NoDatingForOldMen · 22/04/2023 17:21

Do you have 2 different things going on ?

obviously the meds and low T / sex drive is one thing that needs to be dealt with.

but crappy jokes abound shit and barbs are another, just because he doesn’t want/ feel like sex that’s no reason to be an arsehole.

Iloveabaconbutty · 22/04/2023 21:56

I agree with @NoDatingForOldMen. I feel for you both and it must be a distressing situation for him needing to be on meds and maybe feeling perhaps that he's "failing" as a man. But how it he figures that you deserve "punishment"? Even if it is a joke it's entirely unfunny.

And I'm not sure what you should be apologising for. Surely it should be the other way around?

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