Feel like I've missed out

[pippylongstocki]

I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life, the only times I've had sex are with long term partners.

I lost my virginity at 17 and stayed with him for years, had children etc and then split up with him.

Got into contact with someone in a similar circle to me, started dating each other and then bang we've been together for years.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my partner but is it bad of me to feel like I've really missed out? I fantasise and crave sleeping with different men.

I don't think this is a reason to break up with him and I wouldn't cheat on him but I'd love to be able to experience what else is on offer and to sleep with quite a few different people.

DP is talking about marriage etc so am I going to go the rest of my life without having the experience of different men or even women?

Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve from this post, maybe just to see if anyone else feels the same. DP has slept with about 15 other women and I feel at a disadvantage

I’ve had one proper boyfriend, who became my only sexual partner and my soul mate through our adult lives. I’m very happy with my situation. I don’t feel like I’ve really missed out.

It doesn’t matter what I think, or anyone else. If you are having doubts about the future of your relationship please address them before your DP proposes. It’s not fair on either of you. I hope I don’t sound judgmental, I really don’t intend to be, you can’t help how you feel!!

Agree with PP that if you're going to deal with this, it has to be before a proposal.

Have you missed out? Maybe. I think the question should more be Do you care? if you get married tomorrow, to what extent can you be satisfied with your DP? Can you let go of the thought and give yourself to the relationship 100%, or will you always wonder?

And have you discussed it in any way with your DP?

I've had lots of sexual partners, mainly men and a few women. I'm glad I've had that experience but I'm happy to just have sex with my husband now. Some of my past sex was amazing and some was bad, but now they're just memories and a story to tell. I sometimes get desire to be with a woman again but it passes. I think there comes a point when you've been with someone for years when you start to think what if but if you're sexually satisfied in your relationship then I think that's all that matters and it's not a competition of who's had the most partners. If you're seriously considering sleeping with other people then it could be a sign things are over but that's something you need to give more thought to before you do anything drastic.

From a male perspective, my DW is my only sexual partner, been together many years, she’s had sex other men, do feel as if I’ve missed out but not to say I’d look for anyone else now, it’s just wondering what sex might have been like with someone different

@Hijinks75 yeah I get that! I love him so much and don't think it's something that will stop me from wanting to be with him, but I always wonder what sex with other people would have been like.

I'm only in my 20s so will I get to me 50s and regret only ever settling down?

@pippylongstocki, I’m late 50s,I don’t ever regret settling down, but as I said do wonder what might have been, I’ve always felt that, at least initially, I was only ever someone my now DW used to show her ex she could get other people too, apparently she had one main partner that she saw for about 5 years but splitting up was quite regular, as from what’s she’s said was having sex with most of the people she then went out with, sort of a revenge thing I think, so yes, I definitely regret not experimenting more with other people but not with the eventual settling down, if you enjoy each other’s company and have a good sex life it should be fine

I've been with DW for nearly 28 years, married for nearly 26. We are both mid-fifties. I love her, still fancy the pants off her and would never want to be with anyone else. Although she had a few boyfriends before we got together I'm the only man she's had sex with.

I, on the other hand had had eight girlfriends with whom I was fully sexually involved, two of them long-term (talking several years here).

So I was very sexually experienced by comparison. However, although being with those other women did mean something at the time it's all fading ancient personal history and is totally inconsequential to what I have now. Looking back if I could turn back time knowing that I was going to be with DW I'd be quite happy never to have had those other sexual relationships.

The "experience" of having had them is, I suppose, part of my life-story but it doesn't add anything to my sense of happiness or completion right now. That has everything to do with being with the one fantastic woman that I share my life with.

So my advice OP would be if your relationship is precious to you, hold on to it and try not to let imagining what being with other people might be like - an entirely unknown question - to get in the way.

You’ll get lots of romantic stories - and I love them! - about being each others’ one and only. But, this is bothering you. So it’s worth thinking hard about.
When I got divorced I had a change ti explore more and making up for lost time helped. I don’t feel I need more me partners now, I’ve done that, found what I like, all good. But I needed to go through that. It wasn’t enough to say ‘grass isn’t always greener’ I needed to kiss some frogs and I’m glad I did (figuratively- don’t worry!)
Women however, I’m not done exploring with. And once you’re committed that is harder and involves your partner being inside too.
basically, don’t rush down the marriage road because it’s the done thing/logical next step. It’s your life, live it.

*chance to
*more male partners
*onside (not inside!!)

sorry…