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Going solo

4 replies

Rockard10 · 17/04/2023 14:34

We are in our 60s and my DW has health problems and has gone off sex completely. We have not had any sexual encounters between us for over 2yrs.
Before this we had a great sex life which was getting more adventurous as we got older. We have discussed this a few times but she seems to have lost any sexual feeling which could due to her meds. I on the other hand feel hornier than ever, she has told me she is happy for me to take care of myself. I seem to masturbate most days and can have some great fun if home alone. She is happy for me to do it alongside her in bed, I will tell what I am doing and invite her to help or watch but still not interested.
She has a great selection of toys and told me to leave her favourite in the drawer just in case, I placed it a certain way and it has never moved. Whilst I am happy to masturbate and enjoy finding new ways it would be nice to get back to some sort of sex life, happy to give PIV and oral a miss but would love a bit of boob/nipple play or mutual masturbation. Any ideas how to get something back on track would be appreciated

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 17/04/2023 14:59

Your situation is very tough. Keep lines of communication open, keep touching, hugging and kissing one another (you don’t suggest your DW is averse to touching).

You don’t need to answer these questions here, but consider does your DW’s condition cause her to be in pain? If so is she prescribed suitable analgesia, does that need to be reviewed? If your DW has a mental health condition a lot of antidepressants affect libido, but it is totally worth going back to the GP to discuss an appropriate alternative. Likewise with other conditions, ensure your DW’s treatment plan is optimised to ensure the best quality of life (it is unlikely that 20 year old would not be expected to give up on their sex life because of medication).

I can’t advise on how to move on to nipple play etc, you must go at your DW’s pace, follow her lead, respect her boundaries. It’s really unfair for both of you, especially as you’d just started exploring more.

goodf · 28/04/2023 17:06

Perhaps stating the obvious, but for completeness: Have you tried to appropriately gradually escalate and ramp up the affection and romantic intensity non sexually first before jumping straight into sexy times?


  • closeness together on sofa
  • cuddling
  • holding hands
  • honest, vulnerable communication

It's all about your wife feeling safe, supported and loved so she feels comfortable
Choconut · 28/04/2023 17:16

Will she discuss this with a doctor? She might be able to change her meds if they are affecting her.

Mygym · 30/04/2023 15:18

You’ve placed it in a certain way and she’s not used it? Are you spying on her?What if she’s realised what you’ve done and uses it and puts it back exactly as it was ,you’d never know.It’s a tough situation for you but as another poster said,communication is key .

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