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Original poster

Ejaculation problems

15 replies

Namechange212 · 14/04/2023 14:24

Hi,

I have a new partner who I have been with since August, who can at the moment only ejacluate via wanking. He can do this in the bedroom with me and no other stimuli but also does watch porn a couple of times a week when we aren’t together. This doesn’t bother me but I did suggest he cut down to see if it helps with the problem which he said he has. I try to spend quite a lot of time putting effort into his pleasure (which he does reciprocate) but I’m aware this could also just add to pressure for him, i have gotten him to the edge many times but he just can’t tip over without wanking.

For context I am 30 he is 34, his only relationship prior to with me was with his childhood sweetheart and it was a long relationship which ended 3 years ago. He states that he was able to cum through sex/blow job with his ex but it would still take a long time. I am only the 3rd person he has been with sexually. He is also circumcised and he states this reduces sensitivity anyway slightly (he is the first circumcised person I have been with).

I don’t know what to do because I am aware pressure will make it worse, we have a great connection and both want children in future which I can really see with him, but I’m aware this issue will need to be resolved before that?

OP posts:
soloinaduo · 14/04/2023 14:39

The only info I can offer you is that I'm also circumcised, and I have no issues around sensitivity.

justwingingit7 · 14/04/2023 16:52

When you've had sex or given him oral and he needs wanking to tip him over the edge - does he have to take over or do you still finish him off but using hands?

lauraUK1000 · 14/04/2023 19:04

Just to check, he is not on any SSRI medication or similar at all as this is well known to affect ejaculation? My DH has been on one type for about a year and usually doesn't actually cum now, even when he wanks too.

DGConsultant · 15/04/2023 03:50

Any medication might be significant as already mentioned, I struggle to come during blowjobs inexplicably, and some guys have a particular wanking technique, pressure, movement, and therefore this makes coming during sex or oral difficult for some in some circumstances. He should be able to come during PIV, give him lots of verbal encouragement as I'm sure your doing, but sometimes It's all about the moment, and what's going on in his head. Stress can play a major role. Skin to skin is imperative.

Estherpologist · 15/04/2023 06:36

Agree with @DGConsultant . He's probably just got used to doing things his way ... which is fine. It's not that he's wanking too much (a couple of times a week is perfectly healthy) it's just that we all have a feedback loop when masturbating and that gets reinforced when we don't have partner sex.
I'd suggest you just need to spend more time together and have more sex 😁 so he gets used to you rather than his own hand.
Neuroplasticity doesn't happen overnight, so just be patient. And until you want to conceive, he doesn't need to ejaculated, just as long as you're connecting and both enjoying each other.
Good luck. ❤️

Original poster
Namechange212 · 15/04/2023 06:55

@justwingingit7 its his hands he uses.

Not on any SSRIs. I wondered if it could be a testosterone issue? As he states even when it’s him alone it normally takes a long time.

Both definitely connecting and enjoying each other, just it’s always in the back of my head about one day trying for kids etc.

OP posts:
Estherpologist · 15/04/2023 07:00

If it takes a long time on his own, that may be reinforcing the neural pathways. If he's ever practiced edging, that could have contributed. He just needs to get used to something new.
(This is a subject that crops up on sex podcasts quite often, so there's plenty of info out there.)

Zanatdy · 17/04/2023 17:02

Interesting re the circumcision. Guy I was seeing recently was circumcised and only guy I’ve had sex with who is. He definitely lashed a lot longer than the other guys I’ve had sex with. He did I guess ‘edge’ a lot to avoid coming but I wonder if it was reduced sensitivity.

NoDatingForOldMen · 17/04/2023 18:30

circumcised men can take longer as the skin on the glands can get thicker and a bit less sensitive in comparison to men who are not.
also agree about less masturbation and more partnered sex, if he has a good libido and strong erections probably not a testosterone issue

girlfromyorkshire · 17/04/2023 18:38

Hi, as it is not currently an issue for you trying for a baby then him not ejaculating does not need to be a big issue for you so I would trying and reduce any stress from the situation and just have fun. A @Estherpologist has mentioned, if he is still enjoying things but just not ejaculating the less can be fine.

My DH is on an SSRI as @lauraUK1000 mentioned and he doesn't normally ejaculate now. Our sex is actually the best it has been and I really don't mind not having the cleanup!

Cakencookieobsessed · 17/04/2023 19:06

It's not normal. Don't let other replies on here persuade you it is. He's only 34. If that's the way he is, it's not going to miraculously resolve itself. Do you really want to commit to someone who can only get halfway? Before you know it, he'll stop wanting sex, cos it doesn't satisfy him and you're going to feel deflated and as though you're the problem, when it's not. He has a real problem if he wants a fulfilling sex life.

Original poster
Namechange212 · 17/04/2023 20:22

@Cakencookieobsessed so what do you suggest to help then?

Another thing to note he gets a lot of pre-cum too. He said that edging really gets him but I’m really not sure it will tip him over the edge? Could it still be worth getting testosterone tested?

OP posts:
NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 28/05/2023 05:51

I know this is an older thread but for reference I’m a 46yo guy and have got used to reading porn online which gets me off very quickly. But with two new partners I’d easily sustain an erection and have lots of pre-cum but cannot cum without wanking at the end. Both female partners are ok as they’ve both had orgasms and are ‘well looked after’ which pleases me but I can’t just get the edge without my assistance. It’s not funny but it only effects me and not them. Discussions are needed (honest ones!) and maybe read this stuff while doing the deed and see what happens. Then we can sort the next step

Zanatdy · 28/05/2023 06:53

Recent ex was circumcised and he lasted way longer than any other guy I’ve slept with. He would edge a lot, but we had sex for a couple of hours once, previous guys I’ve slept with talking 20 mins max! Not sure if it’s linked. He was circumcised as an adult due to an injury. He’s also a big porn viewer! Sometimes he used to come quite quickly, more likely the next morning when we had already had sex once or twice but other times it could be 1hr plus. I mean I loved it, but because it was early days and I fancied the pants off him (id also not had sex for years as I was single by choice most of the time raising my kids), but if you fancy a quickie it would get a bit frustrating!

Does he just pull out and finish off by wanking then? How long after starting PIV does he decide he has to pull out and wank instead? doesn’t he carry on? Can’t he carry on a bit? Have you tried (if you’re happy with it) watching porn when you’re having sex? We did that once or twice and it definitely turned him on more and he came a lot faster (which was handy as I needed to go home!).

Zanatdy · 28/05/2023 06:54

Just realised I’d already commented on this! Didn’t realise it was an older thread.

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