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Original poster

Confused

13 replies

Missy2007 · 11/04/2023 17:02

In need of advice…I have been with my partner 3 years and over the past few months when we have sex he has to finish off himself. I have also found a fake pussy which he has used. I am constantly saying we need to have sex more as we only have it on a Saturday night when he’s drunk, obviously this doesn’t make me feel very good.

don’t get me wrong if he was having sex with me more I would not have a problem with him using sex toys on himself but because he is turning me down and using this it makes me feel horrible.

is this me making a big thing of it or would others feel like this?

OP posts:
Runaround50 · 11/04/2023 17:22

I think i would feel the same as you tbh. He is being selfish and inconsiderate. Why only sex when he is drunk? More likely the alcohol is causing the ejaculation issue, hence the need for a DIY job!

Why won't he have sex with you more often? Do you play in the week with each other? If not and it's weekly drunken fumble, then get rid of him. Selfish comes to mind!

ATabulaRasa · 11/04/2023 17:28

Alcohol is a major pain for depressing stimulation. If I drink it takes me (even) longer to cum. Sometimes easier to finish myself if my partner has already cum

ATabulaRasa · 11/04/2023 17:29

Re: the toys and stuff… that sounds weird and off though

Mermaidparades · 11/04/2023 17:37

I would feel terribly rejected. It totally isn’t a you problem! There could well be a logical reason for this behaviour but you need to get together and have a really honest discussion.

Tex81 · 11/04/2023 17:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Missy2007 · 11/04/2023 18:33

Thankyou so much for all coming back to me.
I have raised the issue with him and he says I’m looking for a problem that’s not there. I say all the time we need to have sex more and he just says he’s tired. He works normal hours and goes to bed by 8. I was really upset with the sex toy as he said he hasn’t used it but it stunk of cum. I think he has a drinking problem as he drinks most nights but says he doesn’t have a problem.

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 11/04/2023 18:45

I understand this must be so frustrating for you but personally I wouldn’t ask for more sex. I would take sex out of the equation completely for the moment. That will hopefully remove any pressure and/or anxiety on his part.

There’s deeper issues here that aren’t yet resolved.
Unfortunately it sounds like he isn’t being truthful with you and he isn’t yet prepared to face up to his alcohol issues. I would approach the subject in a caring and non judgmental way, offer to support him, do whatever to get him to open up.

Runaround50 · 11/04/2023 19:28

My opinion is that he sounds horrible. He works usual hours and goes to bed at 8pm? That's early?

Runaround50 · 11/04/2023 19:30

Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh there. Just that you are getting a raw deal here I think. Maybe he's I secure re: his performance? Maybe he feels he can only have sex when drunk? Deeper issues here for sure.

Original poster
Missy2007 · 11/04/2023 21:52

I have decided to take sex off the cards as it hurts me more when we are into it and he starts sorting himself out. He honestly doesn’t think there is a problem with the sex or him finishing himself off and even says he likes it when I watch. Even my 17 year old daughter said she didn’t know what he was doing in the bedroom the other day but she could hear noises then heard him go to the bathroom and wash his hands. I have spoken to him about having a drink problem as he must drink nearly 2litres of vodka and red bull a week but his excuse is he only puts a tiny bit of vodka in so doesn’t affect him.

OP posts:
Estherpologist · 12/04/2023 06:02

The sex and drinking sound like symptoms, rather than the problem itself. How is the rest of your relationship - are you close, do you communicate well with each other? What else is is going on in both your lives away from the bedroom?

Original poster
Missy2007 · 12/04/2023 17:27

Our relationship would be perfect if he was ok with sex and didn’t drink as much, I struggle to talk to him as everything I say he shrugs off and says I’m blowing things out of proportion and worrying over things that aren’t there, even if I say it means something to me. The only thing that is also happening is I am seeing a councellor as my last relationship was an abusive relationship and I struggle and worry about things but don’t think I’m worrying too much about this. I ignored his calls one night and he messaged another woman for sex but said it was a joke, I just don’t know if it is me

OP posts:
PinotPony · 13/04/2023 22:02

2 litres of vodka a week is a lot. Sounds like he has a drinking problem. No wonder he can't cum.

He messaged another women for sex?! That's really not ok... you know that.

Tbh he sounds pretty vile.

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