Spice up our life

Butterfly2000 · 2023-04-10T23:29:12+00:00

I have more and varied sexual experience than DH. Any tips on how to try new things so that he's also comfortable? I like to be tied up a bit, choked, a bit of rough. He tried spanking me just for a laugh but we both became turned on. I'd like a bit more sexually but don't want to push his boundaries too far or make him feel like he's not enough. I have a bit "dirty" telling him about some of the things I want but I'm trying to let that go Any tips on trying something new with him?

Wakemeup17 · 11/04/2023 04:33

Is he into spanking, choking and tieing you up?
If he is then let him do his research and try it (and I hope you know how to do it in a safe way). If he's not into any of that then you can't really make him try anything.

Zanatdy · 11/04/2023 06:31

love honey sell bondage stuff, you can get things to attach to your bed so you can be tied up and then tuck it under the bed in the day. So much on there, spreader bars, butt plugs. Whatever takes your fancy.

Estherpologist · 11/04/2023 07:01

I'd you know what turns you on, you don't need tips on what to try with him. What you figure out is how to communicate that to your DH in a way that he would be receptive too.
It is often recommended that conversations like this ate had away from the bedroom. I'm a fan of having them stuck in motorway traffic - no one can run away, but no one can don anything sexy either, so it's a fairly safe space for both.
Can yiu talk about sex comfortably?
Have you tried a Yes/No/Maybe list? If yiu can't find one you want, find one online and then add/remove bits to taste.

Estherpologist · 11/04/2023 07:03

[Excuse my typos. If only MN would treat us like grownups and letvus edit our posts!]

xpc316e · 11/04/2023 10:28

Search for 'mojo upgrade'. Take the free quiz separately and see what matches from your desires. It is cleverly done in that your partner only gets to see the things that they would be either prepared to have a go at, or would love to try. If something is a no-no for them but is something you would like to try then it doesn't appear.

Joey69 · 11/04/2023 11:05

Wakemeup17 · 11/04/2023 04:33

Is he into spanking, choking and tieing you up?
If he is then let him do his research and try it (and I hope you know how to do it in a safe way). If he's not into any of that then you can't really make him try anything.

Think this is quite key, not everyone is going like tying or choking a partner

Tallguy101 · 12/04/2023 18:51

I would start by making small suggestions here and there, maybe buy some small stuff like handcuffs or a blindfold from Ann Summers to start with and go from there. I once suggested to an ex GF that I tie her hands to the metal headboard on the bed with a scarf and see if she liked it. A week later she bought a full bed restraint kit. You never know until you try…..

Original poster

Butterfly2000 · 13/04/2023 04:32

He's open to trying things but I think it would be a good idea for him to do some research like you said

OP posts:

Original poster

Butterfly2000 · 13/04/2023 04:33

Wakemeup17 · 11/04/2023 04:33

Is he into spanking, choking and tieing you up?
If he is then let him do his research and try it (and I hope you know how to do it in a safe way). If he's not into any of that then you can't really make him try anything.

He's open to trying things but I think it would be a good idea for him to do some research like you said. Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Butterfly2000 · 13/04/2023 04:34

xpc316e · 11/04/2023 10:28

Search for 'mojo upgrade'. Take the free quiz separately and see what matches from your desires. It is cleverly done in that your partner only gets to see the things that they would be either prepared to have a go at, or would love to try. If something is a no-no for them but is something you would like to try then it doesn't appear.

Ooh this sounds interesting, thanks a lot!

OP posts:

Original poster

Butterfly2000 · 13/04/2023 04:37

Estherpologist · 11/04/2023 07:01

I'd you know what turns you on, you don't need tips on what to try with him. What you figure out is how to communicate that to your DH in a way that he would be receptive too.
It is often recommended that conversations like this ate had away from the bedroom. I'm a fan of having them stuck in motorway traffic - no one can run away, but no one can don anything sexy either, so it's a fairly safe space for both.
Can yiu talk about sex comfortably?
Have you tried a Yes/No/Maybe list? If yiu can't find one you want, find one online and then add/remove bits to taste.

This helpful thanks, I'll definitely try starting the conversation away from the bedroom. We do communicate pretty well. He's not as comfortable talking about sex so I take a gentle approach. Since posting he's actually talked about trying different things more, so I'll try and build on that

OP posts:

Rieslinger · 14/04/2023 13:17

@Butterfly2000 I agree with @Estherpologist discussion away from the bedroom and side along discussions such as in a car in traffic has worked a treat for my DW and I and may take a bit of pressure off your DP.

We've have tried things in the last year or so that beforehand we might have said a firm no too.

It's been a combination of our individual self-development, hitting the big red F* it button, life's too short to not know the woman/man you love, along with a liberal sprinkling of HRT which has meant we are loving where our adventures together are taking us.

Yes/No/Maybes can work for some but tbh if we had done that a few years ago we would have ended up with leftovers (I am very partial to a Boxing Day sandwich btw), horses for courses I guess 😀

Good luck and report back!

MrEssAgain · 17/04/2023 16:04

I think my best conversation about sex with my wife happened on a long car journey. We both found ourselves asking things we prob never would have done so at any other time.

We talked about our first sex experiences, what happened and what led up to them. We also talked about sexual mishaps, but then we also chatted about things we had thought about and wanted to try.

So try talking away from the bedroom. It might help!