I’ve been thinking about this, as it will be lovely when you can orgasm. I’m going to try and make these thoughts into something coherent.
Environment
You need to optimise conditions. Think of the environment, you need privacy and time. Probably in bed under a cover. Maybe draw the curtains.
You don’t want bright lights. Make sure you won’t be disturbed.
Have a single glass of wine (or two), I find more than this numbs things a little.
Go to the loo first so you can ‘let go’
Anything that makes sex nicer usually, apply.
This will help all the right hormones flow.
By all means mess around in the bath or shower, especially if you have a twisty shower head. But give yourself the best chance of success.
Headspace
I think an orgasm is part the physical touch and partly in your head.
Either 1. think about what you’re feeling- the physical sensations- focus and tune into them. This is what I do when I’m with someone. Or 2. Think about something that turns you on. This is what I do when I’m alone.
Drift into a daydream state. I go to this place when I exercise and feel the burn..kind of drift off, it’s a slightly separate space to go.
Let everything around you go a bit hazy.
It might be your mind is a bit anxious and too present. If you find this return to your thoughts or the sensations.
You could try some deep breaths to stay relaxed. I find that extra deep breaths near my orgasms make them stronger anyway.
Practice
Imagine trying to make path through long grass. You want to cross the meadow and create a path. This is your neural pathway. The more times you cross the path the easier it gets. The grass flattens and the learning is embedded. It’s fine if you don’t make it all the way across, you’re still learning. The more you do so, the further you’ll get. Try and touch yourself a few times a week. Don’t worry if you don’t get fully there, the frequency will really help.
Time
Think 30-45 practices not 10 minute. As your path becomes embedded this will speed up.
Little sessions will still flatten some grass though!
Props
I would focus on using your fingers until you’ve sorted that first pathway. That is the best place to move on from.
Yes you could try porn or a toy as a crutch, but I’d cross the path without first and then add things in. Or if they appeal maybe try those 1/3 times. Just not every time or that will become part of your pathway.
Use your own mind and body, you could watch yourself in a mirror or just think of things you like. You could read or watch a Tv sex scene, this will probably more closely align to your real life.
Where to touch
I had some amazing orgasms when I was younger and didn’t know my anatomy as well. Touch everywhere not just your clitoris. Try the sides of your clit, it might be you are pressing there too directly…maybe try less direct pressure/a flatter hand.
You will sense when you ‘need’ the sensation to be more, keep going then.
If the stronger sensations feels overwhelming say you are 3/4 across the meadow, you can pause, you might take a couple steps back, but you can restart.
In the last couple years I’ve learnt how to orgasm without my clit, I think it’s my cervix as it’s deep and straight in, (I also get mild period pains after which makes me think cervix). I need to work on my own pathway actually and see if I can make that happen more easily! But basically touch everywhere and see where it leads you.
With someone
If you are trying with someone having two favourite places touched at the same time works so well.
Good luck!