Unable to orgasm anymore.

[Crazycat53]

I feel broken, like I no longer work properly. I can orgasm using a toy (but my husband doesn't like them 🙄) I used to be able to. Nothing seems to work anymore. I'm mid 40's. Anyone with advice?

I'm a similar age. If you are able to orgasm with a toy then you can orgasm so it wrong to say you are unable to anymore. It's not the path you take it's the destination. If your husband doesn't like them, that's hard cheese to be honest; does he feel threatened? What matters is that you like them.

How did you climax previously?

Have you had any changes to diet, medication etc, plus your own emotions are you feeling particularly stressed or is he now doing something different that doesn't quite hit the spot?

In the meantime relax in the fact you can orgasm.

Try reading erotic literature.. it works for me and I'm much older.

Relax and relax some more.
As we age, it can take a while to get to where we want. Can your husband make you cum with his fingers/ mouth?

Thank you both for your replies.
I can't come by mastication, oral or by my husband without a toy. Previously I could.
I'm now searching for some fiction 🤞 it helps.
Thinking back it all started after a big row with DH about sex.

Ah, it could be psychological then.
Honestly, literature can help hugely. Check out Lush or Literotica stories.

Maybe another discussion with your DH would help?

Well you’re not broken if you can at all 🙂 Hopefully you can try some of the ideas above. I find red wine helps- but no more than 2 glasses!

If not, I’d use ‘backward chaining’, it’s a way of breaking tasks down and learning the last step first.

By yourself:
Use a toy till 90% there then finish with fingers
Then 80% toy and last 20% fingers. Then keep going using the toy less and less.

Or if that seems too far off, use the same technique but switching the toy intensity down as you get closer, working towards switching it off fully at the end.

I think as this might be row related, or him not liking toys, you’ll have most success sorting this on your own first.

Once that works and you can use your own fingers again. Apply the same technique, and do it yourself, but get DH to do the last 10%, then 20% and so on. You don’t have to tell him.

@Wishona

That's a brilliant idea. I am pretty much completely reliant on a toy to orgasm despite heroic efforts. I shall try but maybe start with a 99% 1% split!

I went a long time without sex until a recent relationship and I found that the positions I used to orgasm in I couldn’t. I’m not sure if because they guy I’ve been seeing recently isn’t that big in the manhood dept (but he more than makes up for it in other ways so not knocking him for what nature gave him!) but I thought maybe it was my age (mid 40’s). I also found when masturbating without a vibrator it was almost impossible, my hand would ache and I’d give up. I recently bought a new vibrator and that seems to be doing the trick. Not see the guy I’ve been seeing since so not sure if I’d still have issues there. Guy I was seeing wanted to try and work on it as I think he felt a bit bad he was having some many and I wasn’t but I genuinely enjoyed the sex even without an orgasm, but obviously it would have helped to have more! I’m enjoying getting to know my new vibrator better in the mean time

@Wishona thank you for that brilliant suggestion!