No sex drive.

[damnthebard]

I hate my sex life, and I think I'm becoming the problem, I also think it's my boyfriend partially also.

I'm 25 he's 40, we started seeing each other when I was 18, we had a great sex life for years, he would literally be up for all kinds of "adventurous things" in the bedroom and it was exciting.

I feel like as he has got older his sex drive has went right down, but now I feel like I don't desire it hardly at all myself anymore which I don't feel is normal at my age. I don't know if it's stemmed from the lack of sex in general has just made my sex drive just none existent or what.

I love my boyfriend whole heartedly but if he comes onto me it makes me cringe, and I feel bad so sleep with him but I won't feel into it at all, it's boring and I know what to expect every time and this makes me wonder if I'm still sexually attracted to him? But I surely am because I love him. I think it's just because of the way he comes onto me and the fact he doesn't make any effort into pleasing me the way I like in the bedroom it's just vanilla and boring to me.

I don't know what the point of this post is.. but I feel like we're both stuck in a rut in the bedroom and now when it does happen I feel so awkward and insecure about it because of how little we do it.. if that makes sense.

And the thought of him going down on me also makes me cringe because of just tickles instead of feeling good, can anybody relate to this? 😂

I miss having a sex drive and a desire to sleep with him.

There’s a lot going on here, isn’t there?! I think in situations like this it’s essential to have open and honest conversations together. Is this relationship still working for you both?

His sex drive decreasing may be due to his age, see if he would get blood tests to check his testosterone levels. Or has his general health changed- fitness, weight, stress levels etc?

what’s changed with you? Have you changed contraception, how is your health etc.
Why did sex change from adventurous to vanilla? Was there a specific moment, a bereavement, a job loss?

Once you’ve looked at all the why’s you can decide if it’s worth fighting for. If so, it would be an idea to take sex off the table and go right back to dating, kissing, getting to know one another’s bodies again.

OP, this is a huge age gap considering you got together when you were a teenager. Do you think he has a problem finding mature women sexually attractive? My only experience of this type of age gap relationship was with my sister: she got with a 37 year-old when she was 17. By the time she reached her 20s, he'd traded her in for a 15 year-old.