Can't stop thinking about it

[Namechangz4diz]

DH and I have recently recovered our sex life after a long period of work stress/illness/grief/lack of communication etc. We've been together 25 years and the last few years drifted apart ..but still best friends. Now after some effort and fortuitous /different circumstances things are very much back on track.

The problem is I'm thinking about it all way too much. I think approaching menopause and possibly something has changed in my hormonal make up is also responsible.

Is this normal? Is this what healthy sex lives are about...how do you get anything done? I found myself buying kinky boots at lunch and looking at 'on top' positions.

I'm afraid that we will do it so much that things will get boring simply because...there are only so many ways...how can I keep this up and exciting ?

Any advice on the hormone thing? Am I going to be doomed after the menopause now?

Just wanted to see if any women over 40 relate?

That sounds a bit pathetic 'looking at 'on-top positions ' but really had forgotten how to do it. Yes we had got THAT boring.

The sex drive surge is definitely a thing for a lot of us. I've had 5 very busy years of it.

Assuming you want to keep it completely monogamous... I find texting thoughts and images as they occur very erotic. Dp's responses aren't always what I expect which is exciting.

I know it's a cliche but things like sex in a room with a mirror, a night away at a different setting, playing around with control (im not interested in pain but I like taking charge verbally) have all done great things for me.

From what I've seen / read / heard / experienced, it's perfectly normal.
I don't believe there are only so many ways, and if there are, I'm going to have a bloody good try at disproving it.
Enjoy the boots and being on top. ❤️

I'm exactly the same at the moment, just hoping it lasts!

Thanks all, that's some reassurance. I also think apart from hormones.. I was in a quite stressful job for a long time. Unfortunately I had family stress too with an elderly parent and teen with mental health issues, sadly DM passed on. Dd now at Uni. My life philosophy has changed a bit. Life's too short. Anyway not to put a dampener on it but just never realised the drip drip effect of stress on life.

I'm really enjoying this phase of life at the moment, feel quite relaxed...could do with a tad more sleep 😉.

I'd love an indulgent night away @PermanentTemporary

Well done to you for persevering in your marriage and getting things back on track. I didn’t manage that and dh and I split up. Am now seeing someone else and am now equally sex-obsessed 😂 I did have to leave my phone in my car for a while to be able to concentrate and not want to text him all day, so I empathise with “how do you get anything done?” but I’m a bit better now 🙄😁

Enjoy every minute @Namechangz4diz
There is another thread on this Sex chat where women in their 40s are experiencing a revival! It's totally normal & very much welcomed.
If you're wanting to expand your skills, maybe take a look at hello Jenny Keane on Insta. She also has a website:www.jennykeane.com/
She often runs workshops online (everyone keeps their clothes on) & she gives ideas around different positions, foreplay etc.

Since I hit my late 30's early 40's I have felt this extra kick to my sexual desire / need. I think it is normal (but at times frustrating!)

Sorry as a man I can't speak to the hormonal piece apart from my DW has experienced it for a while now (woohoo!!)

In terms of things getting boring the only thing to remember are the fantasy aspects of sex...keep exploring and talking between you and as tidbits of fizzy things come to both of you talk about and explore.

I don't think as long as you have good communication, differentiation and try not to take anything off the table the world and the rest of your future sex life won't ever get dull.

Check out Passionate Marriage by David Snarch (I seriously should get commission I've mentioned it so much on MN!!), his perspective on healthy long lasting relationships (whether married or anything else) has been transformative to me and my DW.

Good luck!!

How did I not see that thread ! Thanks for the reading recommendations have followed Jenny on Insta and purchased the book for Kindle.

I am in my early 50s and we are having more sex than ever as our kids are older (2 already in Uni) so we have a lot more time to ourselves. I take HRT and my libido definitely increased while all my menopause symptoms disappeared. I never bothered with this board for example but now am talking about and thinking about sex constantly 😂! My husband is delighted as he is up for it at all times and he is crazy about me. So things are just getting better and better for us.

Have all the fun you can within your marriage OP. Well done both for persevering.
BTW. There are Threads running or recent about pregnancies in 40 and 50yr olds.

Enjoy the purchases. I’ve found lots of fun stuff on love honey and I’m enjoying sex again (new partner) in my mid 40’s. I could do it all the time, and we haven’t ran out of positions, I bought love honeys position of the week book the other month! They will send out a position of the week via email too. It’s fun trying them out, just have some fun with it!

Being careful thanks all.

@Tex81 have you talked to your wife? Our main issue was honest, open communication...however cringey you may find it. Turns out we both thought things were stale...there were times I felt resentful because I felt there was a sense of 'fulfilling a need' for DH. He'd decide at points he wouldn't bother. Sometimes I felt resentful when I felt intimacy was lacking (not sex). We were both resentful at an unspoken enforced celibacy on each other (being honest it was).

I was also very very stressed so my mind just didn't go there...coupled with lack of intimacy and resentment ...it's a recipe for disaster.

We talk all the time and joke about sex now. The little touches and talking keep things on the boil.

It took a crisis point for one of us to go...we need to sit down and talk and sort this out. Lots of talking about misconstrued feelings, communications issues, wants needs etc etc. Quite frankly it was a pathetic situation that absolutely did not need to get like that.

There is hope and it can be so much better...than even when you first got together. For me the level of intimacy is incomparable now and i'd take that over the "new relationship" rush chems although please message me if anyone has found a way to replicate that

Not sure about all the .... why have I done that ? Lol!

I’m suddenly finding returning libido in my late 50s. It’s bloody brilliant. If DH isn’t around I find erotic fiction and a couple of new toys keep me reasonably happy.

You can't underestimate the affect that stress and a busy day job can have on your sex life. For us guys, ladies too, It is a huge contributor to having no/poor sex. Op, get communicating, get those creative sparks igniting, and get inventive. The fun you can have is endless with the right attitude.