Is fantasising about a friend cheating?

[BoredAtHomeAgain]

First off - I love my husband (married 14yrs), we have a great relationship and lots of regular, amazing sex (sorry!!!). But.... I have a platonic male friend who I know is really attracted to me and whilst I would never cheat on my husband in real life, I often fantasise about my friend while masturbating alone. Is that wrong or is that just a harmless/natural thing you all do too?

I can’t comment on whether it’s wrong or not. For me, it would be too close to home. You say your friend is platonic but I think you need to have a close look at your feelings for him again. Could you bring yourself to orgasm thinking about any other platonic friend? I know I couldn’t. He’s really attracted to you and this is probably making you feel more desirable which is feeding into your fantasy. I think it’s dangerous, too much scope for things escalating and causing hurt.

It's not cheating. People can think about whatever they like when they masturbate. You can't pick and choose what you're sexually aroused by. It doesn't mean that you're going to act on it. However, if you think you're going to act on it then it could be a good idea to spend less time around this friend. It's not platonic if there is an attraction between you both.
I think after a long time with someone, it's probably natural to wonder what sex could be like with someone new, but I think there's a fine between it being normal behaviour and there being something in your current relationship you potentially need to work on.

Can I ask how you know your friend is "really attracted" to you ?

He tells me me I'm attractive and that he thinks so. I don't give him any encouragement and I certainly don't have any complaints about or issues with my hubby (I genuinely adore him and we have loads of sex!!). I guess it is nice to know I'm still attractive to other men though and the fantasy is exactly that - just an occasional masturbatory thing (not like every time I get myself off!).

I think most peoples mind wanders when they masturbate. I dont think it's an issue as long as it stays in the mind. I never feel guilty about it. Just healthy extra kick to self play time,

I'd consider telling DH. Firstly it will take it out of your head with someone you trust (might take some of the perceived power over you away), also the two of you might find it rather sexy in fantasy scenario wise...

Clearly this will depend on you and also where your DH is in terms of his own self-development but fantasies are a big part of mine and my DW's physical life.

Good luck!!

Jesus dont tell your DH, that could make him insecure.

As long as it stays in your mind your fine OP.

Like I said it depends on where he is at, clearly if you're not sure then don't.

Don't tell you OH!

Platonic male friend but he fancies you and you wank over him......to me it's just plain disrespectful. I'm all for fantasy, get off on famous people, models, porn stars whatever - but your mate that's attracted to you is a no from me. Cut off this 'friendship' and put more effort into your actual relationship.

It's not cheating. With that said, do not tell your husband.

You don't get to choose who pops into your head in those moments,though. It's not nice to the husband, no. But it's not disrespectful as he'll never know about it.

Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your DH to do with, or about a female friend who fancied him and frequently told him. Would you want him constantly fantasizing about her?

I also don’t think we can control what we fantasize about to a certain extent but you are (literally) getting off on it and so you are in a danger zone. My DH would be devastated if I told him something like that and probably ask that I didn’t see the guy or at least cut down all interactions to a minimum. Maybe some husbands would find it sexy but I know for a fact my DH would be very upset. I am sure I would feel the same if he told me he was wanking to a woman he saw frequently and who was letting him know how attractive she found him.

Do not tell your husband, for goodness sake!

It's a fantasy. And as long as it stays a fantasy, enjoy it.

If you feel it ever becomes more than a few wanks and you are seeking out his attention, then that is a red flag.

But if you can keep it entirely for your own pleasure, then play away.

Definitely won't be telling my hubby!!! Interesting range of views on here. TBH, I'm sure hubby has fantasies too (I'm not vain enough to think he only thinks of me while having a wank!!) but we have an amazing sex life and relationship, so I don't think it's an issue with "us". I take the point about it being a bit close to home with it being a friend. Lots to think about!!