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Sex

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

Original poster

To ask about sex - sorry this may be TMI

20 replies

Doingthedeed · 10/03/2023 18:28

My husband has suffered from ED for several years, it’s a side effect of the medication he takes.

I’m not too fussed to be honest, sex is not a big thing for me and the rest of our relationship is very good.

He has previously used Viagra which helps but obviously takes the spontaneity out of any encounter.

He is very aware of the sex problem and is very affectionate towards me, always telling me he fancies me and loves me.

He said last night he’s found a solution and is buying a ‘strap on’ so he can please me - he said that’s his primary motive.

I was a bit err right, ok. Then wondered if he was serious- he was / is.

Not really sure I fancy that to be honest 😬

Anyone else in this situation? Advice appreciated

OP posts:

OhDeniseReally · 10/03/2023 18:46

Never been in that situation but how do you feel about it is the question? Would you try it or does the idea not appeal? I think you need to talk to him about what is important for you, rather than him assuming.

BCBird · 10/03/2023 18:49

Talk about things together. He is obviously concerned that your needs may not be being met. Perhaps there are other things you could fo for mutual pleasure,using toys perhaps?

BigFatLiar · 10/03/2023 18:53

If you don't want this then simply say no. Lots of women use 'toys' surely this is basically him using one with you.

Can't say it appeals but I suspect he's worried you're being left unsatisfied.

TheOrigRights · 10/03/2023 18:56

No experience, but it sounds like you have a very good relationship.
Try it if you want, don't if you don't, and if you do and find it's not for you or him then it seems like you'd be able to talk about it.

Choconut · 10/03/2023 19:04

Why don't you suggest he uses a different toy on you that does appeal, or why doesn't he just use his fingers/mouth? A vibrator would have the same effect so I'd be questioning if this was really about you - or whether it was something he wants to 'do to you' to make himself feel better.

Cocobutt · 10/03/2023 19:16

You can try it and see how you both get on but I’d be a bit concerned that he’s worried you are unhappy and not satisfied.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2023 19:19

It wouldn't be something for me, I would simply tell him you are OK with not having penetrative sex ( so long as that's what you feel ) and suggest something you do actually find interesting, different toys, oral ( for you ) etc.

DuvetDownn · 10/03/2023 19:22

I agree, say you don’t want to try it and that you’d enjoy kissing, cuddling and satisfying each other through non penetrative sex.

Dontletitsnow · 10/03/2023 19:26

Is he aware that your not overly fussed regarding sex? Sounds like he has one idea and you another. Maybe you could suggest alternatives before trying his suggestions. You need an open conversation with each other.

notstevienicks · 10/03/2023 19:31

I’m amazed people are happy to fuel OP’s wank fodder

Ponoka7 · 10/03/2023 19:32

You need to be completely honest with him, it's the only way to get over ED.

Haffiana · 10/03/2023 19:36

He said last night he’s found a solution

To what? What to do on a Friday evening when your Mum won't let you go out?

ghostyslovesheets · 10/03/2023 19:37

notstevienicks · 10/03/2023 19:31

I’m amazed people are happy to fuel OP’s wank fodder

I'm a lady - please other ladies - share with me the times your husband has used a strap on and talk to me of sex toys

aye!

Yazo · 10/03/2023 19:38

It's not really much of a solution is it? He's kind of decided it's what you want but men don't seem to get that actually it's not that big a deal most of the time. You could suggest other toys that are less intimidating! Or not, I never have so don't have any advice there but my husband is really down about not lasting long. It doesn't bother me, a quick thrill and then move on to other things, better than getting bored! The bigger problem is it bothers him but he won't go to the GP and I'm not being booking it for him!! Your partner would be better off doing that, or maybe if the Viagra helps give it another try. I'm not sure how spontaneous sex is in a long term relationship anyway, might even be more exciting to have the build up/anticipation. Most of all if you're not interested then tell him.

YukoandHiro · 10/03/2023 19:39

If it is a wank fodder thread he's not getting what he wants is he? Just lots of women saying just tell him not to bother because you love him and sex doesn't matter 😂

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 10/03/2023 19:45

We're just moving this over to the sex topic!

LucyLeave · 10/03/2023 21:11

So do all wank fodder threads just get moved to the sex topic now?

Haffiana · 10/03/2023 21:22

@LucyLeave

Yes that is correct. I heard that they were going to rename it the 'Menz PM, HookUp and Dick Pics' board.

LucyLeave · 10/03/2023 21:26

If there's any doubt about a Herbert thread they should be deleted not just moved into this topic.

Mermaidparades · 10/03/2023 23:11

Well, he’s definitely trying to satisfy your needs! But he could do that with his fingers and mouth too. I find the strap on a bit depressing in this scenario, he must be hurting and trying to put on a brave face. Just be honest with him.

Flip

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