DH doesn’t want sex anymore - is it because I’m losing weight?

[LoveArcane]

Have been with DH for ten years, when we met I was a size 18 and after dc I went up to, at my worst, a size 22. I knew I was kidding myself re: my health, I could always just point out I still had an hourglass to show I was alright. I came from a family that ‘loved food’.

We always had an active sex life, I have a very high sex drive.

A health scare at the end of last year woke me up to the reality that it didn’t matter how much I hiked/exercised, that extra weight was a health risk.

I went from a size 22 to a 16, and I’m still planning on continuing down to a size 10/12. No loose skin as of yet, but I plan to have a body lift/augmentation if that does happen in the end.

The reason I’ve added in the detail of no loose skin at the moment is…DH appears to have completely gone off sex. Every advance I’ve made in the last two months has been completely rebuffed.

I know it sounds bad to be upset over this length of time, but I’m very confused (and horny!). It seemed to tie exactly in with when I bought my first pair of size 16 jeans.

DH will NOT talk about it. He refuses and just says everything is fine, which leaves me a bit hurt tbh because it’s clearly not.

I don’t want to ask anymore because I end up feeling like a sex pest!

Has anyone ever experienced this? Your DH going off you for losing weight? Or has anyone here been the husband in this situation?

Not been in this situation, but I would guess there is something else going on rather than just weight loss, if you are still the same person, same personality etc .

Has your health scare had more of an impact (on him ) than you thought?

@NoDatingForOldMen I don’t believe my personality has changed, apart the amount I eat my day to day is still the same.

My health scare was that blood test results showed my blood sugar at that time was in the pre-diabetic range. It have now returned to normal levels thankfully.

All I can think of is that it is the weight. DH keeps telling me I’m fine as I am now and I don’t need to lose anymore weight. But I want to be in the healthy bmi range.

Maybe he just preferred you more curvy?

The only person who can answer this question is your husband. Tell him it’s not fine and you need to communicate why he’s not happy to continue having sex with you, him sweeping it under the carpet is helping no one.

@LoveArcane Definitely find a way to talk about it, if direct isn't working you might need to hang back a bit and find/create a time where he may be more open.

It might be the change, it might be he feels like he needs to change how he looks, there could be a lot happening with him, he might also be being honest with you that he thinks everything is fine but his conscious mind hasn't caught up with his emotions enough to be able to speak it out.

Good luck!!

Two guesses from me, after seeing my sister & her DH.
Your boobs are smaller and he is an extreme tit man. (half joking)
You are more confident now and he is apprehensive that you might want changes all round. Perhaps a more active social life. Smarter clothes or parties.
Be prepared for him (genuinely) not knowing quite why or not being able to explain it.

@LoveArcane it might be he feels like he needs to change how he looks

This was my thoughts, is your husband overweight OP?

Ha I don’t think it can be the boobs, think they seem determined to be the last thing to go!

DH is normal weight, always has been.

@LoveArcane Really find a way of talking to him, it's not always simple and can come about post argument but the key thing is the two of you and connecting and not being able to show each other who you are hinders that massively.

Night away with family looking after DC?

Somewhere where the normal isn't there, no lists, no work, just a nice time for you both.

Good luck!

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/17/bariatric-divorce-why-extreme-weight-loss-leads-to-break-ups

Have you tried to talk to him via text if he won’t talk face to face?