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Original poster

I want my sex drive back- help!

12 replies

smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 09:52

Hello!

I have never had a low sex drive; if anything it's always been quite high.

My partner and I had a really great sex life before I fell pregnant. We were quite experimental and both like similar things.

I then fell pregnant and I didn't want to have sex because our son was 12 weeks premature and I was high risk of having another premature baby. I also bled throughout of pregnancy and it was a very anxious time for me. We both knew sex was off the cards.

Fast forward and our toddler is now 20m. I am still breastfeeding (a lot). I have read this could lower libido?

But anyway, my sex drive is at 0. I am happy to just not have sex. Which I'm finding hard and my partner (he's been okay with not having sex) asked some questions at the weekend.

This has then made me think about why my sex drive is non existent. And how do I get it back?

I have recently lost 2 stone; so I do feel more confident in myself. Still not 100% and I don't think I'd walk round naked in front of him just yet!

Valentine's Day was the last time we had sex and I must say, when we do have sex it's great! I love it. It's just initiating it and getting to that point!

Is it a hormone thing? Will it come back?

I am super attracted to my partner, still fancy him loads and he turns me on.

But after looking after a wild toddler all day, cleaning, housework, school runs, dinner etc etc the last thing I want right now is sex!

But! I want sex back 😂

Any tips? Or is it a wait until I stop breastfeeding thing?

Thanks!

OP posts:
justmyskin1952 · 28/02/2023 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Andypandy799 · 28/02/2023 10:27

@justmyskin1952 male or female advice?

Rieslinger · 28/02/2023 10:27

Firstly well done for getting to where you are and having what sounds like an amazing wee toddler running around your feet, serious result.

Thee are number of things to try that may help, some cost money some not so much...

Are your parents/in-laws relatively nearby?
How are the chores split including childcare?
Anything for you you have understandably set aside for early doors parenting, gym, hobbies etc?
Think about 'you' time.
Try and arrange a night away if you feel comfortable (that's where the family above come in)
Simple stuff like cinema, bite to eat, basically doing a little carving out of time just for the two of you.
Are you eating well enough?

Tbh it is such a change culturally, physically and emotionally it can take a while to get back in the saddle so to speak, for some it's as simple as putting it in the diary, thinking about it on the run up, talking....

There so many things that may help you just a little as time can be so fleeting that a bit in a few can sometimes be enough. I would definitely focus on you as much as your DP if not more so.

Good luck it may take time and report back!!

Original poster
smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

We're not that kinky 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 10:32

Rieslinger · 28/02/2023 10:27

Firstly well done for getting to where you are and having what sounds like an amazing wee toddler running around your feet, serious result.

Thee are number of things to try that may help, some cost money some not so much...

Are your parents/in-laws relatively nearby?
How are the chores split including childcare?
Anything for you you have understandably set aside for early doors parenting, gym, hobbies etc?
Think about 'you' time.
Try and arrange a night away if you feel comfortable (that's where the family above come in)
Simple stuff like cinema, bite to eat, basically doing a little carving out of time just for the two of you.
Are you eating well enough?

Tbh it is such a change culturally, physically and emotionally it can take a while to get back in the saddle so to speak, for some it's as simple as putting it in the diary, thinking about it on the run up, talking....

There so many things that may help you just a little as time can be so fleeting that a bit in a few can sometimes be enough. I would definitely focus on you as much as your DP if not more so.

Good luck it may take time and report back!!

Are your parents/in-laws relatively nearby?

Yes, my parents (separated) are nearby. But toddler has not spent a night away yet (still breastfeeding through night- working on this)

How are the chores split including childcare?
They aren't. My partner works long hours so I am able to stay at home. Partner will have kids on a Sunday morning for me.
*
Anything for you you have understandably set aside for early doors parenting, gym, hobbies etc?
*
I go to the gym- I try to go three times a week but lately I haven't been much at all.
Think about 'you' time.
Try and arrange a night away if you feel comfortable (that's where the family above come in)
Simple stuff like cinema, bite to eat, basically doing a little carving out of time just for the two of you.
Are you eating well enough?

Tbh it is such a change culturally, physically and emotionally it can take a while to get back in the saddle so to speak, for some it's as simple as putting it in the diary, thinking about it on the run up, talking....

There so many things that may help you just a little as time can be so fleeting that a bit in a few can sometimes be enough. I would definitely focus on you as much as your DP if not more so.

OP posts:
Original poster
smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 10:33

@Rieslinger

Oh god I didn't mean to post that to soon haha. I had copied your comment so I could reply easily and pressed sent by accident 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 10:34

My partner did say that he misses having spontaneous sex. But I just don't feel like being spontaneous. Plus our toddler sleeps in bed with us!

He asked me if I would stop breastfeeding to see if that helps things- but I don't think I'm ready and nor is toddler. I would like to wean naturally if I could!

OP posts:
Rieslinger · 28/02/2023 10:41

Expressing milk to give you some flexibility?

Not sure if you've tried this or if it works for you.

I honestly can't remember how long it'll last in the fridge but easily enough for a trip to the flicks, bite to eat, gym, walk, anything that will give you a sense of you and maybe for the both of you, baby steps literally, unless you have a speed toddle then take it slowly.

Then you could work up to an overnight or something a bit longer?

Sounds like with a bit of organisation you can take things forward, fingers crossed and good luck!!

Rieslinger · 28/02/2023 22:38

Be bloody easier to create a shared playlist on Spotify if that's possible!!

SHM2407 · 01/03/2023 22:58

Breastfeeding can really affect your libido, your body knows you're already feeding a baby so doesn't want you to get pregnant again. When you're not breastfeeding anymore your hormones will go back to normal and your libido will too.

AbsolutePixels · 02/03/2023 04:15

It's a shame your partner prioritises his sex life over your child receiving the benefits of breastfeeding. How did he respond when you told him you wish to continue?

AbsolutePixels · 02/03/2023 04:19

@justmyskin1952 breastfeeding a child is not a sexual experience for an adult male to get his rocks to. I've reported your post.

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