Masturbation - Orgasm and crying

[Name999999]

So today I watched Normal People for the third time and well I masturbated to one of the sex scenes. At Uni one of my friends was Irish and he was the one that got away. We were close friends but he was hot and well I wasn’t. Or I never think he saw me that way. In fact he’d often talk to me about his girlfriends, show me letters he had written them, even poems.

I feel like if something had happened between us it would have been like the characters in Normal People. It would have been a secret and no one would have known. We would have had secret sex.

anyway I masturbated and orgasmed, I thought of him immediately after and just started crying , like sobbing crying. It all felt very intense.

has anyone else cried after orgasms? I tried to talk to my therapist about him but she thinks I need to let go of the what ifs etc and live in the present. I do but I feel I have a lot to process there with him or well what he means to me - I’m not sure this is the right topic anyway.

Could it be the crying was part of the process of letting go?

Maybe or thinking of what could have been? He was a romantic my H kind of isn’t not in the poetry sense, my DH isn’t really in touch with his feelings in the same way.

it was pretty overwhelming this orgasm - really shook me and then I literally started sobbing

I don't think this is really uncommon. Especially if you are already seeing a therapist, there's obviously stuff you're working through. Masturbating can be really depressing for some people because they suddenly have a feeling of intense loneliness after, I'm guessing that's what you were feeling

Post orgasm is an altered state, sobbing is a powerful release of emotion.

I don't know but it sounds plausible to me

Yes I was - feeling intensely lonely. Still am.. it’s lingering.

Very deep intense sobbing had to hold my head to literally silently scream as kids in bed. It was really deep in me.

I've read on here about people who feel very upset and emotional every time they orgasm.

I think this obsession with this person from your past is due to your loneliness. If you weren't feeling so lonely you wouldn't give them a second thought. I think you need to look at your marriage and think about why you feel so lonely in it. I think your obsession with them is about escapism because you are not getting what you need from your husband.

Thanks @Choconut i’d say you’re right. So very sad isn’t it. I know it’s not about them because in reality how can it be? I never had a relationship with him.

my DH isn’t very emotional at all. He’ll hug me and try to show me some love but deep down I’m very lonely

I found Normal People extremely emotionally stirring too. It really hit me- the passage of time, teenage love, getting older, the one that got away- I am not surprised you felt so emotional (and sexual!) at the same time watching that.

Getting to grips with what real life has turned out to be can be very emotive and impactful, when you really think about what could have been.

Thanks @sausagepastapot yes. Not sure why I’m watching it now for the third time. Perhaps it’s cathartic. I think it’s because the character who plays Connell has been in the press a lot. It’s stirred up all that angst again!

Normal People is a very powerful program (especially for BBC!) I found it very deep and real, but also very sexually powerful. The sex scenes were also incredibly powerful for me. The realness of it. Lead to some powerful sex and also self masturbation for when watched it alone.

Good to know I wasn’t the only one! Taking a break from it.

think one of the best BBC series!

La petit mort. Very common.

i

I have been there too.
I used to think about a boy I had a crush on when we were about 19 - 22. Nothing happened between us but I think we both had a crush on eachother but one of us was in a relationship.
I thought about him every time I ever came. For ten years.
I felt that he was the one that got away. But I also knew we'd never have worked out. I wish we'd just explored it though.
ANYWAY when my life suddenly got a hell of a lot busier including a new exciting love interest who I fancied the pants off and had amazing sex with ... I pretty much never thought about that boy again. Only in answering this post really, and on his bday. So it can go away that feeling. But you probably need to fill the gap with whatever it is you're actually needed. Your therapist doesn't sound good? Surely you need to talk about this guy if it has such a weird hold over you.

Yes I need to revisit - revisit back then as yes I guess it did/it does but like you said @Annabananna1 its kind of thinking of what the reality is rather than what could have been. And essentially what this is highlighting to me isn’t this guy but like you said what’s missing rather than the one that got away, it’s what they represented to me about my needs.

A little death?? Can you expand?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_petite_mort

im lost,...

@Name999999
That's the thing with the what if, I must admit im fairly certain the ex that we would of been great together had I not made a big pickle of it, has long settled into her marriage and family, I'm happy she's got the family she wanted etc.

But that said intelligence from what I last knew suggest her dh is having an affair.

But as they say not my circus.

I guess overall sometimes it's the way things pan out, it's easy to think what if, but without a time machine it's very difficult

Thanks - that’s a pretty intense orgasm then and it really was. I hadn’t come in about ten days so maybe building up too.