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Husband's sex drive has vanished

14 replies

WonderMills · 21/02/2023 12:39

I've been with my husband since we were late teens 8 years ago, we got married 9 months ago.

He went on a health kick at the start of the year and is blaming his lack of sex drive on this.

He hasn't tried it on with me since the start of the year. We have had sex regularly but I am ALWAYS the one to instigate it and 50% of the time he rejects me.

That's fine id never want to do it if he wasn't into it. But it didn't use to be like this and if anything his sex drive was higher than mine. I feel like I have to ask a few times even to get him to cuddle me in bed etc not even just for sex but just for affection!

We have started trying for a baby this month so it's just a bit confusing really!! I've wanted one for a while but he has just said he is ready this year.

I wonder if he thinks I just want sex to have a baby but that's not the case and I've told him that he can finish wherever he wants just to like demonstrate that this isn't why if that makes sense.

Hoping for some advice really and to see if anybody else might have been through this

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MoonbeamsGlittering · 21/02/2023 14:26

I'm a man, married with two kids. I was quite nervous when trying to conceive the first time. I had decided that I wanted to have kids, but at the same time the idea was a bit scary (such a huge life change) and I think the nerves messed with my sex drive a bit when we started trying for DC1. Do you think this might be part of what's happening for him? (My sex drive went up again after DC1 was born, which was not perfect timing with a small baby taking over our lives!)

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Nocutenamesleft · 21/02/2023 14:36

I would associate lack of sex drive with baby making too.

I'd try to get him to open up about this?

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Nocutenamesleft · 21/02/2023 14:38

It must be so frustrating for you though. I feel for you. I'm always here if you need a friend

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NCSexForum · 21/02/2023 15:12

Are you sure he’s ready for a baby, it doesn’t sound like he is hence not wanting sex.

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WonderMills · 21/02/2023 16:19

MoonbeamsGlittering · 21/02/2023 14:26

I'm a man, married with two kids. I was quite nervous when trying to conceive the first time. I had decided that I wanted to have kids, but at the same time the idea was a bit scary (such a huge life change) and I think the nerves messed with my sex drive a bit when we started trying for DC1. Do you think this might be part of what's happening for him? (My sex drive went up again after DC1 was born, which was not perfect timing with a small baby taking over our lives!)

@MoonbeamsGlittering this is really helpful thank you.

He said when we agreed to start 'trying' that he didn't want to see it as trying and I think he was worried about feeling pressure etc.

I thought this is what it could be and your message has made that thought a lot stronger!

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WonderMills · 21/02/2023 16:20

NCSexForum · 21/02/2023 15:12

Are you sure he’s ready for a baby, it doesn’t sound like he is hence not wanting sex.

Yes otherwise he wouldn't tell me he is ready for one! He has told me openly for the last year or so that he wasn't ready so don't think he would change his mind unless he was sure

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WonderMills · 21/02/2023 16:21

Nocutenamesleft · 21/02/2023 14:38

It must be so frustrating for you though. I feel for you. I'm always here if you need a friend

Thank you this is very lovely @Nocutenamesleft

I think he might just be feeling a bit pressured as I've said above. Will try and chat to him and let him know this isn't the case at all :)

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somethingslastforever · 21/02/2023 16:21

My DH was like this and told me after we conceived that he was afraid there'd be something wrong with him that we couldn't have kids and he felt relieved!

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NCSexForum · 21/02/2023 16:26

WonderMills · 21/02/2023 16:20

Yes otherwise he wouldn't tell me he is ready for one! He has told me openly for the last year or so that he wasn't ready so don't think he would change his mind unless he was sure

You’ve been ready for a while, he’s only just ready, maybe he isn’t ready and doesn’t want to tell you he’s not. Either way an honest conversation needs to be had.

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WonderMills · 21/02/2023 16:29

somethingslastforever · 21/02/2023 16:21

My DH was like this and told me after we conceived that he was afraid there'd be something wrong with him that we couldn't have kids and he felt relieved!

Aww bless him! Makes me sad to think that he might feel like this.
Thanks for responding!

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MoonbeamsGlittering · 21/02/2023 16:31

@WonderMills You could try telling him that now is the best time to have lots of sex, because if you do have a baby then things will be different for a while after that! (But not if you think this will scare him off!)

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Surplus2requirements · 21/02/2023 17:36

Another here to say possibly nerves about conceiving. I don't think it means he doesn't want to have kids but for me it did feel like a very big and serious responsibility, not exactly compatable with some saucy fun.

We still had sex regularly but my libido was definitely a little suppressed.

Bizarrely we're 99% sure our son was conceived when we both woke up from dreams to find ourselves close to completing the deed.

Reluctance to cuddle etc is probably a little fear of where he feels it will inevitably lead.

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Siameasy · 21/02/2023 17:49

What does the health kick look like? Extreme cardio can affect a man’s performance and sex drive

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NoDatingForOldMen · 22/02/2023 19:07

I wonder if he thinks I just want sex to have a baby

Another one who thinks he might be having 2nd thoughts about babies, or maybe the idea of children might seem different from the reality of children for him

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