Help us to reignite!

[Shyandnervous]

I'm 56 and my husband is 60. We've been together for nearly 20 years, no children, and our sex life has been almost non-existent, especially over the past few years. We are still close physically, hugs, kisses, cuddle up in bed and sleep naked - just no sex.

We've fallen into a situation where, I think, we're almost too close and the thought of sex feels 'odd'. We love each other very much, neither of us would ever consider cheating.

What can we do? I mentioned something to him the other day about toys for the bedroom (after reading a few threads on here). He didn't say anything much at the time, but he brought it up again last night and asked me in a light-hearted way what sort of toys I was thinking about, so he obviously is interested. Has anyone got any advice or suggestions? Thank you everyone 🙂

Why do you think people on the Internet would know? Talk to him.

That's kind of the point of this site, isn't it? To ask advice?

Thank you for your insight, though. Very helpful.

Give him a blow job. Really go to town on his cock. Will do the job.

That's more like it! 😄

Hi @Shyandnervous try some sexy nightwear. I have worn sexy nightwear along with stilleto heels, ones i've never worn, so could get into bed with them! 😁

I did wonder about going down the lingerie route...... thank you.

Lingerie is always a good bet but overtly sexy, maybe even open fronted. Toys yes but perhaps not the first time as it may be a big jump.

Oral sex most definitely. Perhaps consider being fully shaved/waxed as men are really visual and it works well with open fronted knix.

Good luck for not letting this important aspect of your marriage wither away. Hope it works out

Thank you 🙂 I've been browsing Love Honey whilst my unsuspecting husband snores beside me. He's in for a treat/shock!

You have to be fairly confident in how you look to really make overtly bedroom clothes work.
Hand jobs or BJ will lead you in the right direction for a month or two, they honestly will.

I was planning to build up slowly 😄 A full onslaught involving Love Honey's finest might have the opposite effect and terrify him!

I'm reasonably confident but I'd go for something that covers my stomach I think, purely for my own self-confidence.

I've never owned a vibrator. Can anyone recommend one that would be good for both of us?

I agree with a blow job, do any men dislike it? Start slow and build up. Is he a visual creature? If so get some sexy underwear. Don’t go too crazy on Love honey to start with! I love Love honey and just purchase the bed bondage kit to use with my boyfriend! I have a rabbit style vibrator which is great if you climax with clitoral stimulation but I’ve just purchased a wand from love honey but haven’t tried it yet. Enjoy. I’m sure you can get things going in the bedroom again.

A cock ring with what looks like a bullet vibrator on the front works a treat for both parties, as does a bullet vibe on its own.

Thank you everyone for your advice. It's difficult to know what's best to start with, toy-wise, so I think we'll concentrate on each other at first and introduce other things later. Going from zero to a buzzing, vibrating, basque-clad extravaganza might be rushing things ☺️

Get love honey or bondara's web site up and ask him what he likes the look of.
Agree with the spontaneous blow job or lingerie as a surprise for when you both jump into bed

Can't go wrong with a blow job. You are very cuddly, just escalate from there. Kissing, have a feel etc. tell him you'd like to explore sex again.
Or I've found that playing with yourself in front of him very rapidly results in horny DP 😂

I like a bullet vibrator best for me - shiny silver best and run it under cold water! plus you can roll it up and down him.

Glass toys are fun and great for temperature play they can be heated or chilled

DW and I are fairly close I age to you both, have been married for years and are doing some rediscovering of each other just now. I would definitely agree with previous posters and recommend you pursue the BJ idea - especially spontaneous and maybe not just in the bedroom. There's nothing quite like it to communicate your intentions and desire to a man!

I don't have any expert recommendations on sex toys in particular but you could try using a vibrator on his frenulum and up and down on his shaft before using it on yourself in front of him? From a man's perspective that's going to be pretty hot.

@Shyandnervous it's great that you are wanting to fire things up again.
I always recommend following hellojennykeane on Instagram. Jenny Keane is a holistic sex educator & does (paid) workshops on things like sex skills (blow - all about BJs, kissing, all about the base relates to anal play etc). She has sections on her Insta stories around sex toys too, which might be worth a look. If your DH was in agreement, you could both join one of her upcoming workshops. They are delivered online & everyone keeps their clothes on & you can keep your camera off. Lots of couples report struggling to finish the workshop as they're busy having sex! Jenny gets really good feedback & delivers her content so well. It's the sex education that we all should have had! Positive & inclusive - no shame attached.
Enjoy yourselves.

@Shyandnervous Have a look at naughtyknickers.co.uk and mayfairstockings.co.uk both fab quality and range of prices. Also Obsessive is a Polish brand that has some amazing stuff and is very reasonably priced and good quality, you can find them even on Amazon, search there then hunt for the name and if not order direct they are pretty swift.

Definitely agree with going slow 😉oral and HJ's to begin with but give him space to join in too. Suggest a chat about fantasies and take turns? Also from my own humble POV when my gorgeous DW tells me what she wants me to do to her is such a HUGE turn on.

There you go, good luck and report back, have fun and plenty of O's all round!!

I’m a 50 something man and think all the ideas are great, but I would suggest that you begin with a simple discussion before you break out the floggers.

have you actually asked him what he thinks about the current situation , does he have a sex drive, does he want to resume a sex life, ?
what about any potential ED issues, how would you address those?

Do you know if you can still access her content without an Instagram account?

@Wineismygoto she does have a website www.jennykeane.com/
The info is not as extensive as the Insta account but you can see what she does.

Thank you!

Try oral for the both of you at the same time. What some have called 69. Get in a comfortable position and take it slow no rush. Get to know each other what works and what does not. Good luck.