Baby dad ex husband asking to be FWB

[analew]

I don’t know what he’s playing at. I’m so confused. It wasn’t an amicable breakup, a lot went on to cause the breakdown of the marriage. However we are now amicable and coparent really well. We are better friends than we were husband & wife. We have 2 children together. I’ve started to go to the gym, dress up, be more confident. He has started to compliment and flirt with me. He made it clear he doesn’t want to rekindle our relationship but he does want sex? Regularly. I’m shocked because he always used to tell me to have self respect and don’t let a guy use me for sex etc. But now I feel like he is becoming that guy who is seeing me as a piece of meat and I’m quite upset by it. How would you respond to him?

I don’t know what he’s playing at.

He is trying to get a shag.

My ex was like this. He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. Tell him to jog on.

"No I don't want to shag my ex, there's a reason we spilt up." And leave it at that. Why even think about it?

I’m just genuinely shocked and upset that he is making me feel like a piece of meat… I thought he was a good friend who actually cared and looked out for me and literally said to me protect myself from guys who try to use me

He has no respect for you.

My response would involve 2 words, the second would be OFF!

He misses the sex and sees you as an easy, low investment option.

There'd be nothing wrong with that if it was what you wanted, but you dont...end of conversation.

It may make the friendship a little awkward for a time but just make sure you set your boundaries firmly.

Well I can give a view from a males side.

Split with EW very amicable and friendly split have 2 kids and co parent really well.

We were sleeping together for a few months after the split ( she was the one that started it) she openly told me it was just sex and there was no chance of getting back together

We stopped sleeping together as it wasn't healthy for either of us to carry on doing it
What I can say is the sex was mind blowing and amazing and so much better than when we were together (maybe she was showing me what I had lost)
Basically it's a head fuck to keep sleeping together and it really will mess with both people's mental health
My advice is keep things amicable and out of the bedroom

Okay thanks for the perspective. Also from a males perspective, did you see EW as a cheap and easy option? I just wouldn’t want EH to lose his respect for me if I chose to go there with him

No it wasn't a quick and easy option for me
I still have the up most respect for her and I still love her as she gave me the best gift in the world ( my children) I'll always be there for her and will help her out if ever she needs me

However still sleeping together was messing with both of our mental health and giving each other false hope.

She was the one who started things off and she also ended things so we could both move on.
Like I said we both enjoyed it and yes it was mind blowing and fantastic but personally I'd keep it amicable and out of the bedroom

He is trying to control you so you don't meet and sleep with another man.

Your mistake is listening to the words he said and not the meaning

I’m shocked because he always used to tell me to have self respect and don’t let a guy use me for sex etc
He wasn’t giving you a compliment, he was telling you what to do.
He was also implying that you needed him to tell you if you are worthy of self respect, like you couldn’t have known without his instruction, which takes away your autonomy.
And he was simultaneously shaming you, implying that if you have consensual sex with someone, it must mean you have no self respect.
and on top of all of that he was telling you not to sleep with other men, which was clearly convenient for him.

But now I feel like he is becoming that guy who is seeing me as a piece of meat
he was always that guy. That’s why he felt he could tell you what to do with your body, and that’s why he cared so much what you did with your body that he used shame to persuade you.

I think you need to stick to the amicable parenting and take a step back from your relationship with him, re establish the boundaries, and take time to feel good about yourself, it sounds like you’ve changed your life in a really positive way, without him. Enjoy that, be proud of that. You don’t need to take a step backwards to him. Non of how he is acting is a reflection on you, only on his own poor character.

How do you feel about him just wanting to use you as his sex toy?
Why the hell would you do that?
Where is your self respect?
Youre not good enough to be in a committed relationship with but good enough to fulfill his sexual needs.
He’s a creep

He won't lose his respect for you, he doesn't have any respect for you in the first place. This is all controlling behaviour. In his eyes, you gaining a little confidence means there's a risk some other bloke might want to fuck you, so he's basically taking steps to stop that happening. His pissing on his territory, in other words.

Sorry for the harsh language but if you can't see this then you haven't healed as much as you think you have from this relationship.

State your boundaries, continue co-parenting, but do not sleep with him.

It's much harder for a man to get free sex than a woman.

Sign up to any "dating" website and you'll quickly be messaged by men who want no-strings-attached sex; it's not the same for men (it happens, but not in such volume).

Your ex now realises that if he wants sex he's going to have to date, potentially paying for drinks &/or meals multiple times with possibly multiple women before he finds one who agrees to have sex with him.

He sees you as the cheap and easy option.

That's why he wants to have sex with you.

Find yourself someone else without the complications (& don't tell your ex about it if you do want a FWB, it's none of his business).

I would just say: we’re doing great as co parents, let’s not complicate things.

it’s an awful request, but I’d be neutral and polite to avoid co parenting difficulties.

He wants you in his life to help look after his children and have access to sex. He does not want a relationship with you, so he has doesn't have to commit to you and can do what he likes. Tell him to get stuffed, he had his chance and walked

He's said not to let a guy use you for sex so that you won't sleep with other men. If you're not getting it elsewhere he thinks he'll have a better chance convincing you to sleep with him or maybe he's just jealous and doesn't like the thought of you with other men. He's a dickhead regardless.

My DH and his ex hate each other and barely speak. Any time they have to she picks an argument. The fact you and your ex were able to co-parent well and be amicable is a blessing and he's gone and made it all awkward now because he cares more about getting some sex. He sounds quite manipulative and controlling. He wants you on his terms and thinks he can give you advice on other men.

He just wants to get his end away without having to do any graft. Yuck yuck yuck. My ex asked this… made me throw up in my mouth a little. The answer was no. Say no and try not to think about it too much or it’ll put you off your dinner.

This would be a definite no no for me. He can only make you feel like a peace of meat if u let him. Keep it platonic. Think he is a CF

Just tell him no thank you, you are getting plenty of sex elsewhere. Say nothing else on the subject, no matter what he says.

It will drive him nuts.

Some time after my ex and I had stopped doing exactly this, he said he’d felt sorry for me because he had other women to sleep with and i evidently didn’t have anyone else.

And that made me feel SO much better… not.

Don’t do it.