Absolutely no sex drive 😩

[Fifi00]

My DH pesters me for sex I've lost quite a bit of weight and I've had body contouring surgery to remove the saggy skin. I look the best I've ever done even when I was 18 I never had such a flat stomach.
The thing is my sex drive has died I have adneomyosis which causes pain and I take hormonal contraception for it. I also work long hours 12.5 hour shifts and housework. I used to be a horny person id masturbate all the time. I haven't done that in ages. I don't get sexual thoughts at all. What the fucks going on I'm 29so not perimenopausal. DH has just shouted at me and called me a nun.

He also lasts too long when we do have sex he deliberately edges so it lasts 45 mins - 1 hour. L just want a quick orgasm then sleep. I'm still attracted to him I just have no libido I don't find other men give me sexual thoughts either.

Well he is appalling for shouting at you. That’s hardly going to make you want to rip his clothes off.

However, it would be worth discussing with your dr. Low iron, thyroid issues etc can all contribute to low libido so, if this is unusual for you, there may be an underlying reason.
Of course you could just be knackered and the dread of a sex marathon, when you just want a quickie, could be the reason you don’t want sex.

If you're in pain and tired, it's not surprising that your libido has died.

Are you able to take some time to reconnect with yourself, before thinking of sex with DH? The Ferly app is very good for helping to get in the mood on your own.

Your DH sounds like a dick for shouting at you, regardless of how frustrated he is. Would he listen to you if you explained how you felt and what you needed from him? Are you still intimate in other ways... holding hands, cuddling..? Some times it's better to start with that, to get used to touching each other again, with no expectation of sex.

While it might be frustrating for him it is absolutely NOT OK to get angry and shout at you. That must be so upsetting.

Sorry I haven't got any advice for low female libido, hopefully others will but can you at least talk to him about the marathons?

Many men equate good sex with long sex and he may not realise (or is just selfish and loves edging). Does he realise you would prefer much quicker and the alternative is you'd rather not do it at all?

Maybe suggest edging via masturbation before PIV? Would more foreplay focused on you help?

I completely understand that you wouldn't want an hour of activity before sleep after a 12.5hr shift, he needs to understand that as well and hopefully you can find a compromise that works for you both.

An hour 😮 shite with that! Would kill my sex drive too.

I used to think people saying sex lasted 1hr plus were exaggerating, until I got with my boyfriend! Jesus, last night we had sex for over 2hrs! We were both a bit drunk too so I’m surprised any of us managed it! He’s edgy too, he will pull out for a bit when he thinks he’s going to come, I think he thinks women want long sex sessions. And to be honest I do at the moment as we’ve only been together 3 months and I can’t get enough of him, but I’d imagine 1-2yrs down the line I’ll be thinking for fooks sake come on! Sometimes he does come pretty quick, as I say just do it! Mainly in the morning.

re sex drive maybe start using your vibrator again. I find the more sex / orgasms I have the more I want. That might help. He absolutely has no right to shout at you though. That’s really not going to make you want to have sex with him. I get it’s frustrating for him, but he needs to support and think of practical help not shouting.

Look up The Sex Doctor- Dr Karen Gurney. She's on insta, has written a book & has a website related to this. She talks about desire & libido.

its tough when you’re mismatched like you describe and as a man in this situation I can find it really frustrating to be turned down 95% of the time. I really try not to get grumpy, as I know it is not a choice, she can’t help how she feels and pressuring and getting annoyed isn’t going to remedy anything.

I have never started called my DW names or insulting her, I tend to say good night, have a cuddle and then roll over feeling frustrated and go and take care of myself in the bathroom when she’s asleep. Sad I know, but my way of dealing with a crappy situation.

I don’t have any advice as it clearly isn’t something I’ve managed to help my wife with, I just hope for your relationship sake that you find some common ground and can work through it in a way that is respectful and satisfying for you both.

good luck