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Question for 'older' men on ED

22 replies

AppleBrandy · 17/02/2023 11:55

I realise 'older' could mean anything really! I'm 48, he's 69. We've had a FWB relationship for almost a year.

The first time we were together was amazing. He put a condom on but when I tried to guide him in, I realized he wasn't hard enough and snatched my hand away in confusion, or nervousness. Instead he just drove his semi-erect into my clitoris (and asked me- is that your clitoris? I could only nod with agreement) and it was just lovely. Like wet-humping, quite the revelation for me.

So, he can be hard enough for a condom, but not for penetration? He still cums though.

Fast forward- we always have a great time in bed, but only three times has he been hard enough for full PIV. And all 3 times it was sooo good.

Can't help but wonder what the difference is, to get him to that point of hard. Before anyone asks (I know you're wondering) he's very slim, fit, healthy diet (sometimes too healthy for my rich food tastes!) and can ride a push bike up a hill like a teenager.

Is there anything more I could be doing for him?

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Iloveabaconbutty · 17/02/2023 12:23

Has he considered Viagra (Sildenafil) or Cialis (Tadalafil)? Available on prescription online or over the counter.

I've been using it from time to time and it's really effective physically and a great confidence booster after erections began occasionally to be a bit softer a couple of years ago.

I would also consider myself very fit, eat very healthily but realised that the time had come to look for a bit of "assistance". I'm mid-fifties.

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AppleBrandy · 17/02/2023 14:13

Thanks for your reply. I've also wondered about that bit of assistance, as it were!

I don't want to suggest meds, to be honest. What we do already is very nice, it's just very different from what I've previously known. He hadn't had sex in 10 years before this, so perhaps there's an element of nerves/trust involved.

Just musing really... maybe he could do with more visuals (I'm a tad shy) or something.

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Iloveabaconbutty · 17/02/2023 17:51

Well, we chaps are very visual creatures as you know. Use that to your advantage! Maybe teasingly and slowly reveal different parts of your body and cover up again, and then show a bit more as he lies back and enjoys watching you. With some flirtation and smiles this can be very arousing especially if it is unhurried. Sexy underwear is invariably a winner here too.

Shyness in a woman can actually be very appealing so don't see this as an issue. He's with you because he wants to be. Be yourself. He finds you sexy. Enjoy that.

Maybe moving on, I expect many men would agree with me that a teasing leisurely flick of a woman's tongue around the frenulum really can assist in getting a penis to full erection. As part of the whole build-up perhaps you could also try that and see what happens...

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Twentywisteria · 17/02/2023 18:41

It won't be anything you're doing or not doing. It's his age. Regardless of health, men's testosterone decreases with age.

Does he have morning erections?

Only suggestion would be viagra, but I appreciate this is hard to suggest sensitively.

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TellMeDinosaurFacts · 17/02/2023 18:47

A cock ring can help exactly this sort of issue.

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NoDatingForOldMen · 17/02/2023 19:09

You can certainly look into cock rings, but they won’t work for all types of ED, they work well for men who have trouble keeping a good erection.

if he is struggling to get a good erection , then the pills are a better bet as they allow the veins to relax and the blood to flow where it needs to.

Unfortunately there is not really a delicate way to suggest this as almost whatever you say will seem like you are in some way dissatisfied or disappointed.

maybe you suggest it over dinner ( not in the bedroom), and open with a “shall we try…”, as others say, viagra connect over the counter in Boots.

Good Luck, I’m 53 & he is 69, I think that’s brilliant 🤩

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NoDatingForOldMen · 17/02/2023 19:41

Twentywisteria · 17/02/2023 18:41

It won't be anything you're doing or not doing. It's his age. Regardless of health, men's testosterone decreases with age.

Does he have morning erections?

Only suggestion would be viagra, but I appreciate this is hard to suggest sensitively.

It’s less to be a testosterone issue if he still wants to be sexually active.

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AppleBrandy · 17/02/2023 21:13

Thanks all, nice to hear some words of wisdom from those in the know.

The inevitable decrease of testosterone through aging makes sense. He certainly wants to, no doubt about that.

Regardless of how often PIV happens I still keep going back for more, because he's awesome in the sheets anyway! Was just curious, I feel better informed now.

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Zanatdy · 18/02/2023 19:36

Ask him what really turns him on. Maybe you could dress up for him? Watch some porn together? Does oral get him hard? Works for many men.

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AverageGuy · 20/02/2023 13:44

I'm 60, and have used Viagra, and am now trying Cialis.

Origionally, I didn't think I had a ED issue - It was more of a "saftey net" - it took the possibility of not getting hard enough for penetration out of the equation.

As I got older, I relied on them more & more... Now I KNOW I have an ED issue Sad

However, I've found recently that, even with a daily dose of Cialis, I sometimes struggle to get & maintain an erection (back to the GP for me!), so it's not a definite cure-all. I always focus on my partners pleasure - it's just a shame we can't finish things of, as it were... Blush

However, I'm going through a bit of a stressful time atm, so I'm hoping it's not permenant!

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Opentooffers · 20/02/2023 13:55

Not many men don't respond to oral, you could try kicking things off with that - whether he'd maintain it is another matter.

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Iloveabaconbutty · 20/02/2023 14:08

I'm also a Cialis user - typically once or twice a week. I'm 56. I really appreciate the fact that it can last up to 36 hrs compared with Viagra's 4, so there's no hurry or pressure to have sex within a certain time span. Plus it is unaffected by a full stomach which is not the case with Viagra.

Although I don't always need it it does give reassurance and pretty much a guarantee that I will have a very strong, lasting erection for the duration.

Having said that, I've noticed that if I'm tired or a bit stressed, even Cialis/Viagra can't necessarily work the magic every time. But that's fine and I'm realistic about that. @AverageGuy hopefully it's just this with you as well.

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AverageGuy · 20/02/2023 14:18

@Iloveabaconbutty Thank you - I have been both tired & stressed recently, so that could well be it.

I'm on a daily low dose (2,5mg) of Cialis - what do you take, and where do you get it, if you don't mind sharing?

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Iloveabaconbutty · 20/02/2023 15:01

@AverageGuy No problem. I'm using the 20mg Cialis (actually a generically branded Tadalafil) as supplied by Lloyd's Pharmacy. I have a standing monthly supply of eight tablets via their "Online Doctor" service which I collect from my local pharmacy. That covers me for a couple of doses a week which is sufficient for me.

I considered the lower dose daily option (which sounds like you're using?) but we tend to have sex regularly at some point during two specific periods of 24 hours during the week (to fit in with times we are both feeling least exhausted from work, etc!) so I just take the medication to fit in with that.

I also found that I needed to spread the medication out with a three day gap between them or I would get achy leg muscles as a side effect - not uncommon apparently.

But apart from that I've had no side effects and can only whole-heartedly recommend any man with ED to consider prescribed Viagra/Cialis as an option. It's certainly transformed the enjoyment of sex for us, having removed any anxiety that I might lose my erection part way through.

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AverageGuy · 20/02/2023 15:15

@Iloveabaconbutty - Thanks again.

Because I don't have a specific partner at the moment, and am never sure when the opportunity might arise, I find the daily dose works well for me - certainly better than Viagra did - I used to forget to take it, or have an opportunity, and no viagra etc I still have supply somewhere...

it's just unfortunate that it seemd to have failed me right now...

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Iloveabaconbutty · 20/02/2023 15:23

I can certainly see the benefits of a lower dose daily from your perspective. I hope you're able to deal with the tiredness and the stress issues. That can't helping things at all

Hopefully your GP will be able to give you some good advice. All the best!

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user1501270679 · 22/02/2023 08:06

Honestly, I am going to go contrary to many of the comments here, and suggest that if you are both happy with the sex you are having that he doesn't need 'fixing' with pills. He knows they exist, and if he isn't taking them that is a legitimate choice.

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AppleBrandy · 23/02/2023 06:42

user1501270679 · 22/02/2023 08:06

Honestly, I am going to go contrary to many of the comments here, and suggest that if you are both happy with the sex you are having that he doesn't need 'fixing' with pills. He knows they exist, and if he isn't taking them that is a legitimate choice.

I quite agree!

We caught up again this week. I was so worked up the by the time he got on top of me I couldn't care less what happened. Mild PIV and then he slipped... so drove himself against me.... and we both came together. Bliss.

If he wants to try meds he can do that, on his own steam. Meanwhile I'm really happy and gagging for next time. Lucky me😍

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OldFan · 23/02/2023 19:53

When I was 21 I had a lover who was 47. All was fine. Now I'm 46 and he's 72 or something. I don't think it'd be likely to work well as a sexual thing at all. I haven't had menopause yet so I imagine it's quite a different stage of life. I love PIV so need a guy to be reliable. I suppose he could be one of the lucky ones.

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Dyslexicwonder · 24/02/2023 05:26

Because I don't have a specific partner at the moment, and am never sure when the opportunity might arise.

I am female and just 47so have absolutely fuck all to contribute to this discussion (although intersting for the future). But I just really want your life when the opportunity might arise at any time. It gives those of us on the middle aged treadmill of work, kids and home hope.

Thank you.

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AppleBrandy · 24/02/2023 05:51

OldFan · 23/02/2023 19:53

When I was 21 I had a lover who was 47. All was fine. Now I'm 46 and he's 72 or something. I don't think it'd be likely to work well as a sexual thing at all. I haven't had menopause yet so I imagine it's quite a different stage of life. I love PIV so need a guy to be reliable. I suppose he could be one of the lucky ones.

Such a coincidence@OldFan. I also had a lover who was late-40's when I was early 20's. It only lasted a year though. Life stages were the big issues, our priorities were too far apart.

But now I'm 48 and FWB is 69 the sex is amazing. HOWEVER, this is not some romance of the ages, where we'll be building our dream home and walking happily into the sunset! He's a dear friend I have sex with, which I guess uncomplicates things somewhat.

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OldFan · 25/02/2023 11:36

But now I'm 48 and FWB is 69 the sex is amazing

@AppleBrandy It would be the opposite of amazing to me because PIV is sex to me. I wonder if you'll get bored of the humping.

I also had a lover who was late-40's when I was early 20's. It only lasted a year though. Life stages were the big issues, our priorities were too far apart.

The thing I had with the older guy when I was young happened to be just a sexual thing (though at the time I'dve liked it to be more.) Sexually he was a great performer with fantastic 'stamina' and reliability to keep going with the PIV. Some of the best sex of my life. I can't imagine he's like that in his 70s, sadly.

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