Medication causing issues :(

[Perry34]

I know the answer is to change meds but , but DH has been on meds for BPD and they’re doing a great job for him mentally, really good. But he has noticed some side effects, one being that he finds it difficult to orgasm. This has never been an issue in the 15 years we’ve been together. Ever.

He would normally find a conversation about this difficult but we did manage to have a good chat about it last night - he was worried I would blame myself, and was getting anxious, and I’m quite easy going and told him not to worry.

but I don’t know what to do now to not make it awkward. How can I help him not be so anxious. I wish I knew what I was asking.

I’m sure it was such a relief to your DH to unburden himself to you, and to have your understanding. Unfortunately it’s a known side effect from certain meds, some are worse than others.

I’d keep a diary for a few weeks, noting time of day, particular difficulties, if meds have been increased. You’ll see if symptoms decrease as your DH’s body becomes accustomed to the drug. If no improvement then he has the information written down to show his GP and they could discuss changing to a different medication.

I'm not a doctor btw! This is just how I’d handle the situation!

As for the awkward and anxious part- I’d just love him, hug him, hold him. Be straight with him, you’ve been together a long time and this is just a tiny blip.

Easy to say but try to focus on the positives, I will explain as my DH is on SSRI meds for anxiety that have the same side effects. After about 2 months on the meds he couldn't quite get to his orgasm and cum anymore but we knew it was the meds so neither of us needed to feel any guilt, blame or worry.

For the positives I mean that the meds were working for his anxiety but now he is like a super stud that can go as long as he wants and I need whereas before he was really at the point of premature ejaculation so things didn't last long. Also now he enjoys the build up much more and the pleasure from it as he is not worried about cumming too soon or only being focused on it.

The thing is, even before this happened he was much more bothered about my own pleasure than his. And that sounds great and all, so he’s not too worried, just kinda frustrated 😅 I’d be too, if it were me.

Difficult situation in that if the meds work for his mental health then changing them risks the alternative not working as well, lots of meds used in mental health cause issues with sexual function, it’s about which is currently most important

@Perry34 My DH has been on Sertraline 75mg and has seen the same side effects you mention and the effect on sex drive / libido that many men on SSRI's do. We have talked about it a number of times together so it does not become awkward or a point of anxiety for him, and also with the doctor.

As @girlfromyorkshire has mentioned, when we think about it, the side effects has mostly been positive for us. His libido was very high before, perhaps a bit too high, so this being reduced significantly has seen him really get no urges to masturbate and consequently not be watching porn, which maybe not a bad thing.

My DH also finds it much harder to orgasm now but this means he can last a long time during PIV and that has been great for us. He's said a number of times that it's not actually too frustrating not cumming but we have found a plug-in wand vibrator works well on him and can normally get him to an orgasm.