Partner Porn & Masturbation

[girlfromyorkshire]

What are peoples views on their partner watching porn now, is it now very common and just accepted?

I knew my boyfriend was watching it but didn't know how much until quite recently when he admitted it has become an everyday thing for him, including usually masturbating.

I don't mind generally but probably prefer he did it less. He also said it has become a concern for him and he really would like to stop watching porn but he feels somewhat become addicted to it and needing to masturbate.

I wouldn’t mind but DP chooses not to look at porn. I’m sorry your boyfriend has found himself in this situation, but it’s great that he feels able to discuss it with you. That is such a positive! Keep the mindset that he didn’t set out for this to happen, he is not to blame as such. It is an addiction and can be overcome, I hope someone will be along soon to give more advice! Best wishes to you both!

It's another porn question! They seem to be everywhere.
About 2 years ago I found out DH had been using webcam girls, on and off for the course of most of our relationship. We had it out, he agreed to stop and knew it wasn't OK, and that he had a problem, had counselling (not just about the porn stuff, but various issues) .
I know he's kept watching some porn, cos I've found it on the computer (if it makes any difference, it's anime/cartoon style rather than real life) . It bothers me, I'd rather he didn't do it, but its not such a red line that I'd tell him to stop or else, if you know what I mean.
I happened to catch a glimpse of his phone in thr car the other day, and saw some kind of anime porn app he'd downloaded. He does seem to be trying to not leave his phone around when he's not there, but he did one time so I could get a better look, there's a few of these apps, a couple of naked real life pictures (I can't tell if they're just off a website, or if he's got some kind of personal buying thing), and a secure folder i can't get into (tho that could be pics of me, which I know he did a while ago and put in a secure folder). Couldn't find evidence od anything else more sinister.
I don't want to have it out with him cos I hate those conversations, but I know I probably should. As it's like a black cloud hanging over our whole relationship the last few days, I don't even want to speak to him (but am trying to just act normal). Relationship as a whole doesn't feel great, just very... functional, getting on with coparenting and life admin, without any real bonding as a couple. But currently I don't want to do that either, but want to want to make the effort, if you know what I mean?
Where to go from here?!

If the relationship as a whole doesn’t feel great I’m guessing his resurgence of porn use is a symptom of that. I think you need to have the tough conversation I’m afraid.

Personally, I don't use porn - it's exploitative, boring, and very fake... I much prefer the real thing!

It's possible to have a porn addiction. It's also possible to break the addiction, but your partner will probably need help & support.

My boyfriend (fairly new, just under 3 months) watches quite a bit of porn. Due to kids we don’t see each other more than once a week, sometimes less, so I know he watches porn in between and we watched some together last week. I don’t mind, I’m fairly comfortable with it. I’d rather he be upfront about it that hide it. I actually knew he watched a fair bit of porn before we got together, which now I’m thinking is a bit of a weird conversation in the office!

I couldn't see myself getting involved with a porn user. It's essentially cuckoldry - such a turn off.

My DW and I watch a little now and then (mainly Alpha France titles), never stays on for more than 5 minutes (barely gets past the windy walks, earnest driving, scenes of Paris etc etc), we take the piss a little laughing at the moustaches, take the odd bit of inspiration from the underwear then it stays on in the background whilst the main event unfolds cos we can't be bothered to turn it off till we are done, but tbh for my personal time I MUCH prefer watching what we make ourselves.

This sounds pretty grim, especially if he feels controlled by it. I will admit to being a porn user at times, I try to stick to literotica as I feel it's less exploitative, but obviously i get the attraction.

Is he actually showing serious signs of trying to change though? There's quite a lot out there about reducing porn use if he actually wanted to. I can't help feeling he is telling you what you want to hear while carrying on exactly as before.

Trouble with porn is that it is addictive and it also tends to lead to more extreme porn as you find your tust not getting it from the vanilla stuff any longer. It can also harm relationships as the addicted person compares their partner to those online (and no one is better than unlimited internet) and gets used to pleasuring themselves rather than their partner.

You should be running for the hills already.

It would be the frequency of use that would bother me. Daily? What do the rest of you do while he is watching porn and having a wank?

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I too would be doing it every day if I had more time.

I'm a bit perplexed by the basis of your post. Surely you I don't have an issue with someone having sufficient "me" time each day to masturbate (with or without porn), especially for a man who likely only needs a few minutes?

Me time is fine. Just feels a bit off to think that me and the kids might be playing Cluedo while he is knocking one out in another room.

I used to watch a lot of porn until I met my partner. It just petered out entirely although I might keep half an eye on it to give us ideas. She watches porn too and does so for similar reasons.

But what really killed my porn consumption was the fact we started making our own porn -yes we video ourselves. So I was absolutely delighted to come home to find her 'busy' and very familiar sounds coming from her tablet.