Best help for orgasms

[canibesexy]

Ok so never posted on this board before - I'm quite a prude.
Dh and I have been married for 25 years and have older teens. I'm menopausal and my lack of interest in sex is having a negative effect on our relationship. I just can't be bothered. I'll be thinking about how sex just creates extra washing
I think some of this stems from whilst it's ok, sex has never been mind blowing for me so I can take it or leave it. I think I've only ever had two true wow moments a very long time ago. Nowadays I get that feeling that I'm going to orgasm then it disappears. And I think oh is that it? It just doesn't seem worth the effort. DH is very attentive and would spend hours focusing on me if I let him but I then find that irritating.
So I know I need to work on spicing things up. I've been reading other threads about toys and am quite excited as the prospect of trying something different.
So my question is where do I start? I know the thing I like best is clit stimulation.
Any suggestions?

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Get a magic wand or/and a womaniser. Job done.

I have a bullet from love honey, it’s great.
my suggestion would be, spend some time alone with a toy and just relax and explore. See what happens, what you like.
try not to put pressure on to orgasm but just be curious.
if you find a toy, position, angle etc that works you can then show your dh how to pleasure you.
oh and use lube! There’s one from Ann summers which apparently assists orgasm and it’s actually very good!

This one

www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/clitoral-vibrators/p/lovehoney-flash-7-function-rechargeable-clitoral-vibrator/a26627g41358.html

I've tried all sorts but like a plain old bullet best especially a shiny, wet and cold one. I have a silver one probably from love honey which is my all time fave. Practice on yourself first and then share would be my advice, you need to know what you like - and vibrators are great for getting you there a lot quicker. I prefer it when the batteries die down a bit though as it's a bit intense/numbing I find if it's going too crazy.

When you’ve discovered what works best for you I’d then look up ‘body mapping’ and do this with your DH. Rediscover each other

I think a lot of people see sex in very mechanical or chemical terms. if you're a man you can get something from your GP, if you're a women you can get whatever Lovehoney gadget is currently in vogue and all will be well. Now I'm an enthusiast for sex toys, and have several of my own, but what's often missing is desire itself. If there's nothing that turns you on or gets you feeling frisky in the first place then the toys just look silly, objectifying or irritating. It's easy to get out of the habit of feeling aroused or feeling the desire for intimacy, and, sadly, people stop fancying one another sometimes. In this position I'd try and broaden the spectrum of things I see and do, of media I consume and see if there's anything that generates a 'tingle in the loins' as it were, and see if it's possible to rediscover those feelings. Is there anything on TV, in romantic literature or anything a bit more spicy that works? Personally I thought 'Fifty shades of Grey' was really crass, but clearly it appealed to a lot of people! But the point I'm trying to make is that it's important to discover, or rediscover, what makes us horny. And then the toys (or indeed the sex) can actually work.

Adding testosterone to my HRT was transformational for me - it doesn't work that way for everyone but I went from completely forgetting about sex to full on va va voom in a matter of days.

I did enjoy sex before though, and echo that DIY is a great way to work out what works for you.

I know what you mean about needing to get into the mood. The thought of trying different yours does get me turned on.
When I search womaniser, lots of different products appear. I've read this recommended on another thread, but which one?

@canibesexy I have this one, I think the technology has improved since this model though!
www.womanizer.com/uk/starlet-2?color=77

it was my first ever toy and it blew my mind 🤣 it helped me to get back in the saddle, as it were!

An omgyes subscription, might help you find what works for you.

The best thing that's helped my orgasms is regular pelvic floor exercises. They are intense and last a lot longer. (Without the need for any toys 😉) apparently they're very good for men too and make them last longer.

Yes my pelvic floor is shocking tbh.
Is your username relevant to this thread?

I've just ordered the womaniser - in the sale from£62 to £25 so thought it was worth a try.

Absolutely!! I hope you love it!

A plug in "massager" or a strong vibrator

Hi OP I found wands much better than the womaniser - and the ones with an electric plug better than battery operated. I second spending time on yourself first and then sharing and asking your DH to join in eg with stimulation around your vagina, sucking your nipples. We also enjoy watching Frolic Me together. Don't give up- my first orgasm took an hour and a half solo play with a honey pet but now I am so much quicker. I love the liberation of toys and being in control. My DH loves it when I use toys.

Great to hear there are some things that still turn you on @canibesexy That's half the battle. Then it's just a matter of finding the right toys!

Just anecdotal evidence, but something I've heard from friends over the years is that when desire comes back it can be quite overwhelming. After a period of illness, a bout of depression, a crap relationship with someone you don't fancy, or beginning a new relationship with someone you do, and so on, And then all of a sudden it's back in glorious technicolour as it were. And you can't stop thinking about it!

@blotchyredanditichy i haven’t heard of Frolic Me before, thanks for sharing!