Masturbate guilt

[Absobloody]

NC for this as it is deeply embarrassing.
I sometimes masturbate and I KNOW there's nothing wrong with doing it. I cum sometimes quickly and sometimes build for longer and cum twice.
(I can also cum from penetrative sex which doesn't cause me any of the issues below - but that's not a regular occurrence for dh and I.)
I use a vibe nowadays but there must be something wrong with my body positioning/tensing. I always, always get horrible backache and shoulder/pec/neck stiffness. It's niggling pains that stick around for days and when I feel them, that's when I hate myself.
It's becoming ridiculous because after I've cum I have to book an osteopath appt to makes me feel normal again.- so I limit to once a week max as its £55 a pop.
I spoke to my prescribing psychiatrist who said as its accompanied by headache or general fuzzy head and malaise, it's not a psychiatric problem, but to speak to my gp or cardiac consultant (I have one of these). Obv far too embarrassed to tell them about wanking. And I'm ok with sex, so it's not just an orgasm issue.
I'm so confused and becoming broke. I hate this. Any advice ?

For ref I have tried different positions to do it, but the pelvic tilt I need without a penis is I suspect what leads to a hunched back position.

Have you tried in the bath?

It sounds like you do need medical advice though. If you can’t bring yourself to say the words then write it down on a piece of paper and give it to the Dr.
Shame needs to be removed from sexuality imo, it is so unfair that you feel this way.

What on earth position are you holding and for how long for it to cause you issues like this?

Regardless something sounds wrong so you need to just be a big girl and go to the doctor

@Lordofthebutterfloofs there’s no need to be unkind. I’m sure the OP isn’t not going to the doctor just to be awkward. She said she has a prescribing psychiatrist so may be suffering from anxiety or depression.

How am I being unkind? I think your reading a tone into my post that isn't there.

It really is a case of mind over matter here. Op needs to see a doctor. Big girl pants time.

Just by saying‘what on Earth’ and ‘big girl’
I’m a sensitive soul and that would upset me if I was already feeling fragile!
please accept my apologies for misinterpreting your tone.

No jude I agree. Life is so simple for some people it seems

Have you tried a different kind of sex toy that you don't need to get into position. Like a clitoral only toy? The womanizer does all the work for you. For eg.

Yes I've got one of those. Literally at the last min my pelvis contracts under and my lower back tenses even with that.
I perhaps have to get used to feeling back pain and not hating it

I wonder if maybe your core strength is poor.
Rather than an osteopath book to see a women’s health physio. Just say you are having some aches after holding your pelvis a certain way during sex. They might be able to give you some exercises to counter this.

Otherwise, seeing as this is also affecting your neck and shoulders etc I would do a little Pilates each day. Look at Lottie Murphy on YouTube and maybe follow her 14 day plan or she did a 24 day advent one. They’re often only 20 min and there’s no cardio element.

Rather than an osteopath have you tried going for a swim? I know it is boring but doing weights really helped with back/shoulder/neck pain after pregnancy. Swimming helped with stiffness through neck after a few weeks.

I recognise what you describe. I have a track record of using the wrong muscles / tensing muscles for a variety of activities which left me with severe backache.

My recommendation is that instead of an appointment to 'unravel' the damage you find someone who can work with you to improve your posture and strengthen your core muscles so that you use the right muscles and get rid of the 'discomfort'.

In my case, it was a yoga teacher with a special interest in posture. The actual means is much less important than their interest in the approach and ability to help you unlearn unhelpful patterns of movement. It is bound to need at least some work 121

Meanwhile, see whether you can open your awareness to what you are doing and stop and consciously relax immediately before continuing. It won't be quick but it will be so much better for you walking, swimming etc .

Hope you find what you need.

I recommend a pelvic physio but as your psychiatrist has recommended seeing your gp or cardiologist I think it would be a really good thing to do- I am sure this isn't the first time they have heard this and they will be very used to men for example asking for help. I wondered if popping a soft semi inflated Pilates ball under your sacrum might help too? It will tilt your pelvis and cushion it. I find it very helpful for PIV as it enables me to move easily.

Have you tried the simple stuff like a pillow under your back and or neck, a rolled up towel or two, or shaping the quilt for support ?