Sex

[Bluebird61]

I have been in a relationship for 3yrs now, things are good on the whole. The problem is his lack of sex drive. I am 61 he is 69. When we first got together sex was ok. Never amazing just ok. He does have problems sexually. Years ago he had a brain tumour. Removing the tumor, they also had to remove his ' protruity ' gland. Which leads to a low Testosterone level, he has Testosterone injections every 10 weeks, he also needs to take viagra to have sex. October 2021, he was admitted to hospital with Covid, he was very ill, it was touch and go for a while. He has recovered well from this thou. Thing is, we haven't had sex for over a year now. Not only that he doesn't touch me, i don't just mean just sexually either. We don't kiss like we used to either, just a couple of " pecks "before going to bed. We are not old for our ages. I want sex, i have talked to him about this albeit some months back now. He didn't say a lot to be honest. I haven't said anything since, i don't want nag him about it. To be honest i don't know what to do now. But i want a sex life before i am to old. He truly just doesn't seem bothered about it at all, even though he knows how i feel about it. What should i do?

@Bluebird61

leave or give him and break and buy a womaniser two

@Bluebird61 Life is too short to have a relationship without sex. Have a look through the Sex & Relationship boards, and you will find a whole host of people in the same boat - you are not alone!

It sounds like you are currently living together like friends, or flat mates who share a bed (been there, done that, got the t-shirt! ) I know from experience what that's like.

If you want to stay with him, then you need him to communicate with you. He's obviously had some health issues, and that may well have affected his sex drive, but that does not excuse the complete lack of intimacy. There is something else going on here.

If he refuses to talk to you, or even try to address the issue, then I'm afraid it's a pretty stark choice - do you want to be with him, and possibly not have sex, intimacy, or even a hug for the rest of your life, or is it time to find someone else.

Hi Bluebird and sorry to hear about your troubles!! It may be that you DP may have seriously had his confidence knocked and it may take some gentle discussion to get under the skin of it. Men can feel almost invulnerable yet when age and illness poke their heads in it can knock us for six.

Maybe a weekend away somewhere nice for you both might provide the opportunity to speak to each other, be gentle be calm but do say what you want to say but be sure to listen to him and try and get your head round what's happening for him, it may be that he still wants you and you and he to have sex but might need a gentle hand to walk through what's happening with him and by extension what's not happening with you both.

If that goes ok then showing him how you feel about him and being proactive might help progress things, do you talk about fantasies? Has he ever shared anything with you that perhaps you haven't done for a while or at all?

Anyway good luck and I hope together you can both get things back on track.