Initiating

[FruitPastill]

I had one of those really good, honest, open conversations with DP of 2 years recently and he said that he'd quite like it if I initiated sex.

I thought our initiation was fairly equal but I can see his point that generally he makes the first overt move, whereas I'm a bit more passive- open to the idea of he fancies it and make it easy for him but don't tend to start things.

I know from reading on here that it's important to change this- I want him to feel wanted and know how much I fancy him, and I'd hate for him to think that maybe I just go with it to keep him happy. This is categorically not the case. I have quite a fear of rejection, as I'm sure many do, and I just feel a bit awkward and like I don't know what I'm doing really!

Any tips/hints/advice? How do you/your partner go about this? I know it'll be different for different people, just after a consensus. He's not really bothered for fancy clothing, I've tried that in the past!

One of the topics in Jenny Keane’s upcoming online workshop is initiating sex. You’re not alone! Check out her Insta.

Slightly old post I know but how are you getting on OP? I found your post as I'm also struggling with initiating sex. I've just no idea how to! I don't remember having this issue when I was younger (I'm now late 30's) and I've lost confidence with it

@BumblingBufoon you can do it, remember if your partner is the one that is initiating mostly they fancy you and yes you may not get the timing right (no-one gets it right all the time) now and then and hit the F* it button 😆

I second @BumblingBufoon , @FruitPastill how is it going?

It doesn't help that my sex drive has been on the wane the last few years, especially since having a child. I would honestly rather sleep! But at the same time I miss my hornier younger self!!

I love initiating… and generally find it’s met with enthusiasm.
Some ideas:

1. sitting on the couch…. Just slide over next to him and start kissing his neck gently
2. or if feeling more confident, straddle him on the sofa, cup his face in your hands and kiss him - mouth, neck. I have taken his wine glass from him before and put it on the table before sitting on his lap!
3. I haven’t tried this yet but am hoping to soon…. Arrive home wearing something sexy… maybe send a flirty text on earlier in the day. Then Remove cardi/ coat on arrival once he’s opened the door and once his eyes have taken you all in… walk him Back towards a wall and start kissing him! I’m planning on wearing heels for this one too so am a good height for kissing him standing up etc

Or a “take me upstairs” works well too

I clicked on this thread thinking "ooh great maybe something I haven't thought of" then realised it was me that started it
Things have been a bit all over with sickness/family issues/work stress and I haven't had chance to give it much of my attention, but I will report back when I can. Going to re-read it actually and remind myself!

I initiate a lot as my husband goes to bed before me as he starts work earlier. I will just come to bed naked and wake him up, he loves it.

@FruitPastill I would try and figure out why you are so fearful of rejection when your DH obviously finds you very attractive. My husband and I are always joking around with sexual innuendos during the day. He is always telling me how much he loves me and how sexy I am. He got very fit in the last couple of years and goes to the gym almost daily, so he loves receiving compliments from me and I do find him very sexy, especially since he lost his tum and increased his shoulders and arms. Men want to feel desired and desirable just as much as women. We have been married 26 yrs and usually have sex every day, or almost every day. Keeping the homefires burning really helps.