Zero libido & no motivation to change

[louise67amanda]

43 with 3 dc under 10. Married to DH for 15 years. No libido since having kids, DH is often trying to do things to help me get in the mood, but not badgering me. It's not his fault. Nothing seems to help and it's because I just don't want to. I don't think it's him, I don't want sex with anyone. I'm just perfectly happy without and I've got no motivation to try all the things that are recommended to try. What am I going to do? It's not fair on him but it's also a bit lame when I just pretend and do it anyway. I see on other threads people just encourage their DP to seek sex elsewhere but I don't know. I don't think he wants this.

I have no advice to offer, but I’m in your husbands shoes but a few years time & im leaving my DW

@louise67amanda are you on any hormonal birth control or prescription medication?

Also are you physically attracted your your partner?

Yes I am but it was the same before I went on it I think.

Sometimes. But then I don't really feel physically attracted to anyone.

Well I would first of all consider changing bc as this maybe the problem. What does your DH say about the lack of intimacy? Does it bother him

If you're not having sex, discontinue the hormonal BC. It has this effect on lots of women.

Ok. I'll try that.

He's not happy about it

@louise67amanda good luck and maybe try some exercise if you don’t already do that as that could also help. I’m sure other mn will give you some more ideas

Follow The Sex Doctor on Instagram. She does lots on desire & how it disappears after having children. She also has a good book - Mind the Gap (about £7 on Amazon).
Follow Hello Jenny Keane on Insta. She does online workshops that you can sign up to.
Would reading spicy/ romantic novels have any effect, do you think? The Takeover by TL Swan is a good book (funny & spicy).
Good luck @louise67amanda I hope things improve.

If you're finished making your family suggest DH has a vasectomy and you can come off hormonal birth control.
Hopefully you'll find this might rekindle you urge and get you own hormones and libido in sync.
Knowing that there was no chance of pregnancy was a big motivation for more intimacy for us.

Agree on the BC, it can make a difference and maybe it didn’t before but could be now. It’s worth trying that first. Most men probably don’t want to live without sex, so I’d personally try what you can to get your libido to return. Would buying something’s together on somewhere like Love Honey help? Spice things up a bit? A night away without kids?