I know the title says Passionate Marriage...

[Rieslinger]

But it seems relevant to anyone in a commited loving relationship.

amzn.eu/d/32xI8tm

My DW and I have experienced differing levels of libido and this is the first thing I've read that actually comes up with something that has helped us, so far, to meet each other in the middle in a healthy, loving and passionate way.

Look out for Differentiation, hug to relaxation and eye contact.

I am only part way through(for me I need to take time to absorb big stuff in bite size chunks) and I started with the abbreviated Audible essay (much shorter than the book but still pretty insightful). For me I have struggled with self-development as I have been in a little denial that I need it, however I have now a much better handle on why it matters and the benefits to us all longer term.

Oh and it's not about book bashing your partner this title puts the emphasis on you.

Totally different from a lot of traditional relationship help and guidance.

Shame David recently passed as he and his wife have such an amazing insight they reached and I love his voice and take.

Sorry not as graphic as some posts yet I hope this might offer help, as David said, every relationship has someone with a higher and lower libido, everyone.

If anyone reads would love to hear how it impacted your situation as I find others can provide insight that perhaps I missed or didn't get in the best way.

Good luck!

@Rieslinger this sounds interesting, I’m gonna check it out! My DP and I have enjoyed 30 fabulous years together and he lovingly refers to me as his ‘sex pest’ lol, on account of our different libidos!

@Judeisnotobscure good luck!

Seriously no one else? After reading plenty of posts of sexless relationships and mismatched libidos I was kinda hoping there might be more takers, this book is amazing!!

I've ordered it. Been married for over 25 yyeaes but there are always new things to learn.

@Rieslinger thank you! I got the book on Audible and snuggled up on the sofa to listen to it as I’m a bit unwell. Unfortunately the author’s voice was so soothing he put me to sleep! I’m going to get back to it next week!

@Iloveabaconbutty I honestly think your attitude is spot on and the ‘secret’ to a long, fulfilling relationship.

I’ve just finished listening on Audible. I actually felt tearful as the book ended. Thank you so much for this recommendation, I’m going to order the full paperback now. It’s given me lots to think about, i love the idea of the hug and I’ve asked my DP if he would keep his eyes open with me tonight.

@Judeisnotobscure The Audiobook is very abridged, more of an essay, the full book is chock full of examples from his clinical practice which help relating to certain aspects so much easier.

I hope it helps we hug waaay more than we used to because my DW thought I didn't like it and I felt a little sensitive of response because of her hypersensitivity from her ADHD. Also I needed to work more on my Differentiation and the fact that the book is less about what's wrong with you and more about being a student of your Marriage/Relationship it really is helping me just focus on my part and we've grown so much together in a relatively short period of time.

It's full on sometimes and I can't do it all at once so when I find something helpful I work on it then pick the book back up and carry on reading.

I only wish more people read this book and if someone I knew and trusted had given me this in my 20's or 30's I would be quite the different man now!

Oh and the eyes open bit....wow that's all I can say!

I'm so pleased you liked it.

That’s so wonderful to hear. Open minds and hearts are the key!

I hope I’m not being too presumptuous, but I’d love to recommend Emily Nagoski’s ‘Come as you are’ if you haven’t already read it. It’s a fascinating look at female sexuality.

Echoing @Judeisnotobscure I would also warmly recommend Emily Nagoski’s "Come as you are". It was a really helpful eye opener to me about the way that certain things can put on the brakes on good sex.

It helped me understand what DW was sometimes thinking and feeling a whole lot more and hopefully enabled me to be more appreciative and understanding about that.

Thank you @Judeisnotobscure and @Iloveabaconbutty , I have the book already but it got stuck in my books to read pile. Now moved up ahead of Radical Mycology!

@Rieslinger
@Iloveabaconbutty
Please send any other book recommendations my way! Anything regarding male sexuality in particular, just to even my knowledge up!

@Judeisnotobscure Will do. Radical Mycology sounds genuinely fascinating @Rieslinger 😂

My daughter is obsessed with mycology! 🍄 Enjoy!

@Iloveabaconbutty It looks very good!

If you are interested check out Mycelium Running by Paul Stamets, inspired the character Paul Stamets in Star Trek: Discovery, brilliant book.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mycelium-Running-Gardening-Medicinal-Mushrooms/dp/1580085792/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PGT45RV2RZZK&keywords=Mycelium+Running&qid=1675338473&sprefix=mycelium+running%2Caps%2C199&sr=8-1

Thanks! 💗

@Rieslinger
www.ted.com/talks/david_andrew_quist_could_fungi_actually_be_the_key_to_humanity_s_survival

saw this and thought of you!

@Judeisnotobscure thanks back!

I will have a look at this book. I know lots of people on here are in sexless marriages but my problems are a bit different because we do have sex.
I read Esther Perel mating in captivity. It made so much sense to me. So I worked on getting our sex life back. And I've done that. The sex is probably the best it's been in years. I have more orgasms now than ever. I initiate it 99% of the time and feel I put a lot of effort in to making it as good as it is. He doesn't ever complain or suggest anything so I assume he's happy? But it's all still lacking a connection that I'm craving.
We never hug or kiss. Even during sex. There is no kissing and no post sex cuddling. We have sex and he's gone. Either to clean up or rolls over to sleep. I do sometimes hug him during the day and he does hug back but he wouldn't ever just come and hug me at all. I admit I do have my eyes shut a lot during sex. I think it can feel a bit awkward looking at him. A bit like sleeping with a friend or something. I have gone in for a kiss during sex a couple of times but again, this feels a bit awkward probably because we don't ever do it so it seems strange. We don't ever cuddle on the sofa etc.
I know I could probably start doing these things, more hugs, be more tactile etc outside the bedroom and hope it rubs off and encourages him to do the same but I just don't think it will. I'm a bit fed up of initiating all the time. I want to feel wanted and desired. Not like I'm a sex pest for always asking. We did hug, kiss and hold hands once upon a time so its not like I married a man who didn't show me any affection from the start. He is capable of it!
We are like best friends. We rarely argue. He does help with the kids and around the house. I know things won't ever be like they are at the start of a new relationship but I want more than this. I thought it was the sex that was the issue but now I think it's obviously something more? Some connection, intimacy maybe between us.
Apologies for the waffle, I'll order the book!

Hi @KiwiBear, Pathology (as in there is nothing wrong), differentation and just looking into your DP's eyes in and out of the bedroom....and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

IF there is one thing I would ask you to do and not to do it's look after you and he will naturally follow and don't book bash (it sounds like you won't but just wanted to say just in case).

I hope you enjoy i!t