Can everyone have good sex?

[Freeflight]

Question, does everyone have it in them to have good sex.
Sex with dh has always been poor.
Wrongly, I faked it for almost a decade (he was my first and I don't think either of us knew what we were doing or had the confidence/were comfortable enough to grow together) and since it has never been good.
I can count the number of orgasms on my fingers and toes I think.
I question is it me.
He was unfaithful and I am now considering separation.
Part of the reason (outside of the fact that he wanked off another woman) is that I have lost any form of desire for him, but is that just me, is that the infidelity.
I dream of having good sex, fantasise about it, it is not with dh.
Do you think some people just never have it?

I believe that like any other physical technique, sex can be practised with a view to getting better at it. Some people may find themselves with some sort of natural talent for it, but I believe that anyone can be good at it - if they really want to. Libido is a factor in how much sex you might want, but it has nothing to do with the quality. There are many people out there having a great deal of crap sex, while others are having much less frequent sex of much higher quality. Choose whatever makes you happy and fulfilled.

Best wishes.

I agree that it is something that can be learnt by anyone, but it requires clear, honest communication. Your partner needs to know what you like and how to give you what you need.

If you’d had asked me 2 months ago I’d have said some people just never have it. Then out of the blue after over a decade being single and a lot of crap and mediocre sex before then, I’ve now got a boyfriend and the sex is amazing. He’s clearly slept with a lot of women in his youth, he knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t just care about his own pleasure. This is just the beginning too. I know we are going to explore a few more things which I’m majorly excited about. He’s everything I dreamt of sex wise, good looking and the chemistry is unreal. You’ll never get great sex with your husband, get yourself out there and you never know what life will throw Ah you

@Freeflight

yes they can.
have you spent time to understand yourself sexually?
toys fingers etc?

@Justellingthetruth yes I've explored a bit on my own.
I have a bullet and can use that or fingers to get me where i need to go.
Implementing that with a partner (dh as he's the only one I've been with) has had limited success.
Even with direction he tires, moves to the wrong place, has no consistency, makes weird concentrating faces like he really is not enjoying it. I just don't feel turned on.
Throw in the infidelity and I no longer have any physical attraction to him.

The fact that the sex has never been anything I'd say i found pleasurable I just wonder if I'm kidding myself that I will have better sex elsewhere. (fyi we are trial separating for many reasons but this is part of it)

I've never understood when people say that sex is fun and enjoyable as for me with dh, it rarely has been.

My partner of almost 20 years was 35 when we met. She had 3 children and had been married for about 10 years. She had never had an orgasm, either through masturbation, or partnered sex. She was raised in the Philippines in a strict Catholic family where sexual pleasure was something to feel guilty about. She had never either given, or received, oral sex. The only position she'd ever had sex in was missionary. When we first had sex, she had been celibate for quite some time.

She is now multi-orgasmic with the aid of a vibrator, a big fan of oral (whether giving, or receiving), and thoroughly enjoys every aspect of our sex lives. All this happened because she was open-minded and eager to learn. It can be done.

I’m in the same boat. Really rubbish sex life and I’m really hoping, now that I’ve got rid of selfish, cheating ex, I will be able to experience what others talk about. Let us know how you get on!! It’s all a bit daunting…

Sex with DH has never been great but everything else in our relationship is fine. We’ve been together for 20 years and it can be very frustrating. I find it harder and harder to resist straying to find a bit of satisfaction.

I think sex can effectively be taught through communication and experimentation but as you've alluded to OP, it relies on relaxing too because overthinking and having a concentration face aren't attractive!

So yes, everyone (outside of those with certain health conditions) can have great sex, chemistry, communication and experimentation will get you there.

The not finding him desirable will be a combination of the infidelity (this is a common thing) and sex being crap but I wouldn't get hung up on the cause because it is what it is regardless.

I think sex can be learned and practised but if there's no chemistry there then something will always be missing. And you can't learn chemistry, it's just one of those many things we can't control.

Yes, you will have better sex elsewhere. Take it from someone who did and left the marriage.

Good sex can be achieved by anyone who wants it provided you both communicate and understand what each other like. You do some of what they like and they do some of you like eventually you’ll blend it together and you’ll both have a great time .