Well that ruined Christmas!

[confessionsofacoffeeaddict]

Possibly the worst Christmas ever, been awake all night crying.
DP and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, good sex life.
Gradually he has opened up to want more 'kinky' things to happen, some i was more than willing to participate in, others, not so much. Long story short we had a rather heated discussion with him saying he feels like he's missing out and he ended our relationship yesterday because he wants to pursue the kinks he has. I am so hurt that he has chosen kinks over someone who was in love with him but didn't want to partake in everything he did.

Literally, has to be the shittiest Christmas Day, ever.

Well...to be fair he recognises that you are not sexually comparable and isn't trying to mislead you. There have been numerous posts on here of (nearly always) men wanting things their partner doesn't.

But what are his kinks that you are not comfortable with..how extreme ? In any event, if you are not comfortable not matter how extreme of vanilla, it isn't going to work

Sorry you have had such a sh*t Christmas, why he couldn't have at least waited a couple more days is beyond me but it sounds like he's been storing this up a while. Whilst you think your sex life has been good he obviously hasn't and his preferences must have a strong enough hold for him to feel a need to put that above your relationship. I don't think you can do anything to repair this, it's in his DNA and his needs are going to be his priority. You will find someone more compatible but I get how tough it must feel right now, even when your head knows the 'right' outcome it doesn't mean your heart is on the same page and that is painful. Good luck for the future x

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I don't think it's particularly healthy to be chasing kinks to the extent that it becomes such an important part of your life that you lose loving relationships.

I can't imagine he'll find much happiness or real fulfillment down the path he's going. Ever more extreme kinks tend to lead to some pretty dark places.

I have a friend like this and he admits his life is so empty.

It's painful but you've ultimately dodged a bullet with this man.

Take care OP x

@Amsooverthis

That's the confusing thing. He's always been extremely vocal about how great it was, so that leads me to believe that he's been lying to me for years, which just makes me feel even worse.

@namechangedyorkshire

It wasn't vanilla in any sense of the word.

What a complete arse. Not for wanting different things, not for wanting to follow a different route, but to pull that all out on Christmas Day shows you who he really is, OP.

My DP and I have a non-traditional sex life, kinky and fulfilled but very much monogamous. I'd like to go further, but there's no way I'd throw everything we've built aside for that.

Not sure you're getting the whole truth here.

Sorry but I suspect the kink thing was just an excuse to end it for reasons he didn't want to disclose. I'm not buying that it took him 3.5 years to realise its a dealbreaker for him.
He probably had you tied up in knots trying to please him anyway. Think how much nicer life will be with someone who doesn't have kinks to turn down as not your thing. Nobody wants to be a performing seal in bed. He's done you a favour.

Sorry to hear your awful experience. Never a good time to break up but definitely bad times. As others have said, probably he used it as a excuse so looking for positives maybe you dodged a dud there. Hope 2023 gets better. J