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New guy loves beng dominated..

6 replies

Notconfident · 04/12/2022 19:39

Just that. We're waiting to have sex but have had some fun. He's mentioned next time that hed really like me to dominate him, call him names etc.

No issue with this, I'm switch however I have very little experience in this area as in my last relationsip I was mainly sub as my ex didn't like being dominated very much.

Ideas please?! Especially with name calling beyond filthy bitch etc... I'd like to experiment lol

OP posts:
JayHaZ · 04/12/2022 20:01

Tease and denial has to be the most erotic form of dominance. How does he want to be dominated? Are there certain negative triggers to avoid? Talk to him. Make him wait a couple of days at least to heighten the experience, and bring out his submissive side.

Wakemeup17 · 04/12/2022 20:08

Reddit BDSM advice has lots of ideas

GoodWisp · 05/12/2022 12:02

You need to have a big conversation what he means by domination, what is he into and what are his hard nos and ask yourself the same questions.

safe, sane and consensual are the watchwords.

Does he ‘just’ want you to be dominant in the bedroom or does he want to explore elements of submission, does he want to include elements of bondage and masochism?

What will this play look like and what activities will it include or what will it not include?

These all need to be discussed and negotiated. You can’t just flip the dynamics of the scene you had in your previous relationship or your personal understanding. You need to start from scratch, discuss and negotiate everything - for it to be consensual (+safe/sane) it needs to be a collaborative exercise.

With verbal domination, you’ve used the word ‘bitch’ there as if it’s a neutral starting point, but it may be a turn off to him as he may not want insults, or anything humiliating to be verbalised. ‘Bitch’ might also have other connotations for him that are turn offs/could cause harm. So again needs to be discussed.

Is it humiliation he’s looking for (if so in what context?) or ‘just’ power transfer?

The sweet spot is finding something that turns you both on. Matching the verbal elements with the physical activities.

Worth also flagging you’ll both require aftercare as normal after such a play session. Lots of things make better fantasies and don’t work or can be harmful to self esteem/wellbeing when acted out, particularly within the confines of an existing relationship. This is from both the dom and sub perspective - you may not like the dom headspace. So start small with loads of check ins and ongoing discussion about what worked/didn’t work.

ps - sorry if this comes across as bossy boots/fun vacuum.

Notconfident · 06/12/2022 18:10

GoodWisp · 05/12/2022 12:02

You need to have a big conversation what he means by domination, what is he into and what are his hard nos and ask yourself the same questions.

safe, sane and consensual are the watchwords.

Does he ‘just’ want you to be dominant in the bedroom or does he want to explore elements of submission, does he want to include elements of bondage and masochism?

What will this play look like and what activities will it include or what will it not include?

These all need to be discussed and negotiated. You can’t just flip the dynamics of the scene you had in your previous relationship or your personal understanding. You need to start from scratch, discuss and negotiate everything - for it to be consensual (+safe/sane) it needs to be a collaborative exercise.

With verbal domination, you’ve used the word ‘bitch’ there as if it’s a neutral starting point, but it may be a turn off to him as he may not want insults, or anything humiliating to be verbalised. ‘Bitch’ might also have other connotations for him that are turn offs/could cause harm. So again needs to be discussed.

Is it humiliation he’s looking for (if so in what context?) or ‘just’ power transfer?

The sweet spot is finding something that turns you both on. Matching the verbal elements with the physical activities.

Worth also flagging you’ll both require aftercare as normal after such a play session. Lots of things make better fantasies and don’t work or can be harmful to self esteem/wellbeing when acted out, particularly within the confines of an existing relationship. This is from both the dom and sub perspective - you may not like the dom headspace. So start small with loads of check ins and ongoing discussion about what worked/didn’t work.

ps - sorry if this comes across as bossy boots/fun vacuum.

Thank you! This is exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. The name I used was something he likes being called and asked me to (I wouldn't use it otherwise as it's not in my everyday vocabulary!)

We don't get to meet up as often as we'd like and it's still relatively new so it may well be that what we like the idea of when sexting may be different when we're together which has already happened and he didn't mention it until afterwards that he didn't like it (I would have stopped if he'd told me) and have made it clear that it can't happen again (aka he must tell me at the time rather than worrying about 'ruining' the mood). We've only discussed a safeword and teased a bit via sexting so far but I feel it requires a much more in depth discussion, particularly as he a) has more experience than me and b) I feel past experiences have made my viewpoint a bit skewed so I want us both to be 100% sure it's what we both want before we go ahead with it. I have no issues keeping it to sexting for now.

OP posts:
Angela59 · 09/12/2022 23:47

Agreed, find out his level and what he’d like. It can be done in an erotic environment or even by text letter ect.

Also google FLR

Good look feel free to PM me x

JayHaZ · 10/12/2022 08:51

My wife and I live an FLR Vanillaish relationship. If you have any questions I'm happy to share with anyone how this works for us and has brought us closer and communicating much better. I would go as far as to say it has saved our marriage. Her dominance is more psychological and light physical than verbal. I am the Knight to my Queen.

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