I want to experiment sexually, but how?

[TrippyLily]

Whenever I've been in a relationship, I've always regretted not experimenting sexually and doing the things I'd like to try. I'm single now and want to stay single for a while. I'd like to go to a sex club but the only thing stopping me is being scared I'll see someone I know. I'd like to have a threesome again (have done a couple of times and loved it). I'd just like to be more sexually free and do the things you can't when in a monogamous relationship. But... How? Where do I start? It was pretty easy when I was at uni but now I'm a single mum with responsibilities it seems so hard to arrange...

I hear you. The usual suggestion on here is fabswingers or similar online, but that depends on whether you have childcare to go out and about meeting people. The best experimental stuff I have done, outside of a LTR is with people I have known which has developed into a FWB situation. I have a similar concern over sex clubs and the only thing I can think is to go somewhere a little further outside of where you live. But then if you did see someone you knew, you would both be there for the same thing, so hopefully after the initial embarrassment has gone, it should be ok, whether you played with them or not. Good luck!

It's more the embarrassment of maybe bumping into an uncle or cousin haha! I have amazing childcare in place thankfully so that's no issue. I'll check out fabswingers.

Yes thats fair enough 😁 good luck!

I bumped into a colleague at a killing kittens party. After the initial "OMG! I have to hide in the loo all night!", we had a chat, agreed we were both perverted kinksters and wouldn't our other colleagues be shocked if they knew, and agreed not to play together.

Feel free to connect on KK if you want me to show you round, OP. x

Omg so I joined fab swingers and every single male on there who has messaged me is absolutely vile. I only have a photo of my body fully clothed on there and they are referring to me as a cum dumpster and daddy's little girl. Ew!!!

That sounds grim. My apologies for sending you there. It gets recommended on here all the time!

Yeah that was my experience on Fab too. Too much effort to filter through all the wankers.

No worries at all! Glad to have experienced it just out of curiosity but honestly I can't believe the shite I'm being sent. A photo of a penis with 'like what you see?' is the latest. I've had over 100 messages and 10 are getting aggy because I haven't replied. 'a polite no would be nice'. 'you've read my message but cba to reply, well f you'. Ugh

It's absolutely vile. Some having a go at me for not responding. All very incel vibes.

I second Killing Kittens. Have a look on the website - and there are events. It’s women led - so at most events you won’t have weird single men. And, some would still message you, it’s easy to ignore. There are plenty of genuine couples if you want to try 3somes. Or you can come to events and meet people in person.

Are the events mega expensive?

The parties can be... it's £75 for a ticket to New Year's Eve. But everything is sold out until January anyway.

There are lots of free socials though. Last month we played crazy golf in Sussex and then all got a bit naughty in a hotel. Next month I'm heading up to Manchester for a photo shoot with some new people.

I wouldn't use KK just to find hook ups but it's a great way to meet people in a safe community. You'll get lots of advice too.

Parties are a good place to meet people. And there are other ways to connect and engage. Free socials and events; chats, etc.
As well as meeting and making connections with likeminded people on there in general.

Try the Feeld app for FWBs, casual relationships etc, the men are generally a lot less vile than on Fab. Think it's a smaller pool to choose from though

Just curious- people here are suggesting specialist ‘sex’ sites but have you tried Tinder? And putting on there that you are looking for nsa or ‘adult fun’ or feel ready to experiment sexually etc…
Surely that will give you access to larger number of men you might find attractive?

The problem I found with Tinder is that men on there aren't upfront and honest. Yes, you can easily get a shag but halfway through he'll have his hands round your neck.

The guys on the specialist sites tend to be a lot more educated about consent and safe kink practices. And, if OP wants to explore and experiment, she needs to be doing that in a safe environment.

@SexEdInMy50s

I don’t think of KK as a ‘specialist sex site’. For me it’s more a question of safety and experimenting in a more controlled environment. For example - people who come to parties are vetted. And men can’t approach women - it’s women led. It makes me feel much better and creates a nicer atmosphere.
I ended up at a swingers club with a girlfriend on a night where single men were allowed in. It was grim. At least compared to KK parties. £75 price tag does screen out people a bit. Which isn’t a bad thing.

Yes, of course - if you just want a hookup - you can do Tinder, or any other hook up sites. Men aren’t difficult to find.
But if you want more than that - end experimenting with couples for eg - I do think ‘specialist’ places are better.

@PinotPony & @josuk thanks for your replies - very good points about safety (guess my taste & experience is comparatively vanilla so I wouldn’t have thought about that aspect)

I'm on Fab too looking forward a FWB I love clubs. Filter out all men from messaging you. Then you go looking for them. Make Fab work for you.

@TrippyLily I agree with @GentlemanJay
It's very easy to get overwhelmed with Fab if you are a woman. Unfortunately, it's been innundated with, lets say, an "unsavoury element" since the beginning of lockdown, but there are some really nice decent people on there.

His idea of blocking single guys and you go looking for what you want is a good one. You can browse in a "hidden" mode so that people you look at don't know you've looked, but I don't know how you do that.

You CAN use any dating site to find someone - I've found two FWB on Bumble / Blndr (I'm looking for a third!) Just make it clear what you are looking for on your profile.

KK or Fieeld might work for you, but I've not found them to be very sucessful. But then I'm a 60 year old man...

Is it exclusively men you’re looking for? As the other good thing about KK and some clubs is they have female only nights if you want to explore that way.