Hi all.
So cutting long story short me we have always had a very good sex life.
DH has started a new job as a firefighter, obviously the course was demanding and the job can be stressful. It has taken a toll on our relationship as he commits a lot of his time at the station than with us. We are working through our issues though. Opening up and communicating a lot more.
BUT
Because of it the course being tiring he wasn't interested in sex which I understood. When the course was finished he was more relaxed. Tried to have sex. Did the usual and then when he got on top wasnt hard. Said 'why aren't I hard' and I just said 'nevermind' but obviously did mind but didn't let on. The next night he pursued it again, promised a better night. It was a blip etc so we tried again, even though I we reluctant in case it happened again. This time a bit 'dirtier' and he got slightly hard but then went soft. I said again 'it's ok' and rolled over, I kind of knew when he started that that would happen. So we've spoken about it and he's said the first time his knee hurt. The second time he was under stress (despite him being the one initiating it), then he said I wasn't wet enough, then he said he had no foreplay. Seems to be any excuse to try and please me.
So even though we are working on our issues, the thought of sex just fills me with complete anxiety. I feel sick thinking about it and I don't know if I would even be able to perform anymore if we did. I've told him this and he said ok we will just cuddle for now but I know he's upset and disappointed.
I don't know what it wrong with me? Our marriage troubles haven't helped but things feel a little more positive with that. I don't know what to feel?
Thanks