How to instigate a conversation with a man

[smg84]

I have became aware that a man I see regularly is mutually attracted to me. He always instigates a conversation when we see each other and is overly chatty. If we see each other when we are with our children we often lock eye contact etc. For reference I don't know if he is still with the mother of his children.

I've never done this before.

My question is how do people instigate knowing whether the other person wants to take it further.

I've always wondered how other than online how do people know when meeting people if they are in open relationship etc

I would just be friendly but wouldn't be flirting until you know whether he's with his children's mother or not. I'd assume he was unless there something that makes you think he's not?

It is obviously there is a mutual attraction between us.

Tbh as bad as it sounds I don't particularly need to know if they are together.

My question was around how do others instigate knowing whether the person wants to take the attraction further.

It sounds a bit obvious/cliche but what about asking if he fancies meeting up for a coffee without the kids one day. Probably the easiest thing, then depending on his response, take it from there.

Why don't you need to know if he's married / attached before you start potentially sleeping with him? I suppose he'd be the one cheating but surely you don't actively go for someone with a young family.

Sorry no I wouldn't unless the person was in an open relationship which is why I asked how do people know if someone is.

I'd assume most people aren't in an open relationship unless you had reason to think otherwise.

I think you have to assume he's still with the mother of his children. It is possible to just idly like someone without doing anything about it. Are you single?

I shall leave aside the issue about whether the man is in a relationship, as that is not what was principally asked about.

I am a man who is absolutely useless at flirting, and I have just been honest with those women I have found attractive by just coming out and telling them. I think that flirting is a kind of defence mechanism for cowards in that they can make advances and if those advances are rebuffed they can claim it was all a joke and they did not mean things to be taken that way. They simply are not brave enough to say what they think to the other person and thereby risk rejection.

The honesty involved in simply telling someone that you find them to be attractive, and that you would like to take things further, if the feelings are reciprocated, is incredibly powerful. If you are rejected, then you can say that you hope they take it as a compliment and move on.

My advice would be to take the bull by the horns and get the job done.

Best wishes.

“I think that flirting is a kind of defence mechanism for cowards”
“They simply are not brave enough to say what they think to the other person and thereby risk rejection.”

I disagree. I think that flirting is a wonderful way of getting to know someone in a kind and gentle way, for all concerned and has nothing to do with cowardice. It also gives a good insight into the personality of the flirter. Your approach tells me you are ruthless in getting what you want.

“The honesty involved in simply telling someone that you find them to be attractive, and that you would like to take things further, if the feelings are reciprocated, is incredibly powerful. ”

And also incredibly intimidating and love-bomby. Personally I would become incredibly wary and defensive towards any man who took this approach with me, regardless of how nice he actually is. Nor would I take it as a compliment and would assume you trot out the same patter to any pretty young thing that catches your eye.

could you ask him to meet you with kids for a play date? Then you get to chat to him
more and it might be clearer whether a he’s single.

He might just be a flirt, or maybe he is single. Guess you could ask him if he fancies a coffee one day and take it from there. I’d assume if he’s married he’s not in an open relationship as few people are. Maybe he’s prepared to cheat on his way but I wouldn’t go there. I’ve recently started to see someone and I used to work with him, I knew he was divorced but then didn’t see him for 2.5yrs due to covid. He asked me for a drink a few weeks back and I assumed he was still single, but didn’t know for sure. But he is, which was a relief