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Boyfriend doesn't get erection during foreplay

9 replies

User2211 · 01/11/2022 07:41

Is this a me problem or a him problem?

Our "sex" consists of him just trying to please me which may sound good but we rarely have full on sexual intercourse as even though he enjoys just pleasing me, it doesn't get him erect enough for sex. So it's always just foreplay for me.

At first I thought it was normal and I'd need to put in some work to get him erect. But he doesn't always want me to, and when I try, it's still never erect enough and we end up just stopping and not having full blown sex.

I swear it never used to be like this with us. Him pleasing me used to get him hard but doesn't happen anymore.

OP posts:
lostincumbria · 01/11/2022 08:00

It's never a you problem. He has ED. He can choose to live with it or seek help.

Do you talk about it outside of the bedroom? You probably need to.

NoDatingForOldMen · 01/11/2022 19:39

He has ED, could be loads of reasons, has he seen a GP ?

DadJoke · 02/11/2022 11:33

Does he masturbate or wake up with an erection? If yes, then his ED is most likely mental rather than physical. He needs to see a GP either way. He is probably embarassed and down-hearted, so it might be a difficult conversation. ED is treatable, though.

LookingAtYou · 02/11/2022 18:42

As others have said he either has ED in which case he needs to see his GP or he is gay and in denial and needs to be honest. Or, he has a specific ferish and feels unable to share it with you. Whatever the reason, he will know what the problem is.
You need a frank discussion starting with what turns him on.

NoDatingForOldMen · 02/11/2022 19:02

@User2211 how old is he & what is his overall fitness / health like?

LookingAtYou · 02/11/2022 19:11

'Our "sex" consists of him just trying to please me which may sound good'

Tbh this doesn't sound good imo. Surely the whole point of it is to both be turned on. Obviously if he has medical problems then it's not his fault but he really does need to open up to you.

User2211 · 02/11/2022 22:16

@NoDatingForOldMen He's 34 and is an average build but definitely not fit. Eats healthy but doesn't do much exercise.

Is it possible it can be caused by work/family pressure as I know he's been really overwhelmed in the office lately and is having a few problems with his parents?

We've had good sex in the past but the last few times he has struggled.

@lostincumbria We do talk about sex a LOT outside of the bedroom. And he can get hard if there's no prospect of sex (i.e secret touching/kissing when we're out and about). But when we're in the privacy of the bedroom, it's like he just can't hold an erection.

Everyone here is saying ED but I think there is no chance I will convince him to go to a GP as he thinks it just "happened". I am hoping it really is just the odd few times and not a continuous issue.

OP posts:
NoDatingForOldMen · 02/11/2022 22:53

@User2211 Exercise would certainly help, it helps the heart and makes you feel better about yourself,
Stress is an absolute libido killer, so the work / parent combination is probably the main cause, unfortunately ED gets off in your head and you worry about it.
hopefully the issue will just resolve itself,
you could try some over the counter viagra to give him a mental and physical boost, BUT he has to be aroused for it to work effectively

NoDatingForOldMen · 03/11/2022 07:24
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