Vaginismus

[ttcchapter1]

So I've had vaginismus for years now, had my son last year and only thing that helped when trying to get pregnant was dilators and diazepam.

It seems I am fine with the dilators and manage the physical aspects of it but my anxiety is too high.

Dr has only given me 2mg Diazepam but it doesn't seem to be helping.

Any advice?

Hello, this sounds quite complex and I would think maybe more than a strictly physical problem. I had vaginismus in my first relationship, I think due to a combination of sexual abuse when a child, growing up in a puritanical society where sexual harassment was the norm, prudish parents who were uncomfortable with talk of sex, and that first relationship not being a truly trusting one. I tried dilators ( not particularly helpful) but not diazepam. A gay friend recommended I try poppers, but by the time I met my now husband and the relationship dynamics were totally different, it took about 2-3 sessions of sex for the problem to disappear. All this is to say that the mind is a very powerful control over the body, and I wonder if you have looked at possible emotional reasons for the problem? If not would that be something you’d consider?

Is it just a penis that you find painful or do you find anything going inside you painful (eg. tampons, fingers, speculum)?

Do you feel yourself tense up with any attempt at penetration?

Has sex always been painful?

Do you enjoy/get pleasure from non-penetrative sex?

Are you comfortable with exploring your own body and understand your own sexual arousal response?

Is your husband/partner putting any pressure on you to have PIV sex?

Are you putting pressure on you to have PIV sex?

Are you comfortable talking about sex in all its messy and embarrassing glory?

How was your upbringing regarding sex, love, romance, relationships, marriage?

Was your first time painful?

I agree with the PP that there might be a psychological element at play here.

Sorry for all the questions (and you don’t have to answer them here if you don’t want to, but maybe something to think about?).

For reference, I have vaginismus too and these were issues I needed to look into.
Discovering the root cause was essential for me to understand what was actually happening, and why. From there I was able to work out a solution to overcome it that worked for me.

My first time was painful – purely inexperience and a pathological fear of unwanted/unplanned pregnancy - so my vagina developed a “flinch response” for any future attempts (similar to if someone makes you jump). A physical reaction to a psychological stressor.

Be kind to yourself OP

I have vaginismus - am getting treatment from consultant just now (one appointment every 4-6 weeks) .

I agree you need to find the root cause . I couldn’t even put a cotton bud in, now I can tolerate a reasonably sized vibrator . I’ve had physio, even been suggested Botox jabs and surgery .

I would say the dilators the NHS prescribe themselves are awful; hard and unyielding and cold and clinical . My consultant said to tackle the root causes first - which in my case was a hell of a lot of stress and using sex and masturbation to feel better, rather than to feel good . So she suggested eg a) learning to prioritise my own needs in every day life, then b) learning to prioritise my own sexual pleasure . Suggested I buy a vibrator of my choice and slowly get used to penetration but once already sexually aroused. Ann Summers and Love Honey both do silicone ones that warm to you/are quite soft and comfortable .

That does work - I still don’t find that I get that much enjoyment from vaginal penetration, but I can do it . It does hurt a little bit but not half as much as it used to .

But definitely using the dilators didn’t help, I felt nervous each time and felt pain - whereas with vibrator I end up incorporating it into something that feels enjoyable . So it’s a lot more pleasant .

Wow @sexforumname things have moved on since I was seeking medical help in the 80s. I had an examination by a female gynae called Miss Boucher ( that means butcher in french) , a real old school gorgon who told me off for flinching, “your vagina can accommodate a baby’s head “. Yes you old bitch, after my body’s been flooded with oxytocin for hours. Gosh it’s taken me nearly 4 decades to get that off my chest.