New partner struggled

[Wasitmeeee]

Hello,
Met up with a new partner a couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t had sex before but has has some heavy finger play etc.
We we’re both in different hotels but he came to my hotel one night and we got up to naughty stuff ha ha. Anyway, I’m out of a long marriage and he is single (never married/no kids). I’m 50, he’s 52. Both of us have lacked intimacy for a long time.
We have known each other 3-4 months and everything was fine and we really had a good weekend together doing stuff in London.
Anyway, we were - well you know - doing stuff on the bed and played a bit which was lovely. No bother getting me turned on (kissing alone turns me on) but I did notice he didn’t seem as hard as he should be so he didn’t come inside of me and pulled out. He finished himself off beside me!! He went back to his hotel afterwards.
We both headed home the next day and we had had a lovely time but, since we’ve been back, he was quiet a bit and wasn’t arranging any other meet ups. He has now said he thinks we live too far apart (an hour) and he has concerns we aren’t aligned! We are! We get on very well. So, I decided not to continue with the relationship. I’m gutted tbh.

Is it possible he has problems down there and is too embarrassed to say? Or, am I just imagining things? There isn’t another woman. Was he nervous being out first time???

He had ED and was embarrassed about it, an hour is not far the alignment thing is just a line to save further embarrassment

Does he know you had a really nice time? Sounds like a bit of a time waster really. A but I of ED and nerves is normal on a first time I'd say.

It’s hard to say what is going on with him. But clearly something isn’t right from his pov.
Who knows if he even wants to have a relationship. For me - 52yo never married/no kids - is alone at that age for a reason. I’d not waste my time wondering what that reason was.

Think of erections like eyesight. We are all happy with the idea that most (but not all) people are born with good, maybe perfect, vision. And that by the time we reach 50 most of us won’t have the eyesight we had in our twenties. You wouldn’t be thinking “Well if he really fancied me he’d be able to focus on me without his glasses”. Erections, like eyesight, are both physiological and psychological. Yes, a few lucky ones live to a ripe old age and still have great vision. And for some, great erections. For most though, as our bodies age and change our sex needs to, too. But both of you need to be comfortable with and accepting of that, and unfortunately it sounds like he isn’t.

That’s a pretty sweeping & judgemental statement to make, I’m 52, no kids, never married, have been in several LTR, would liked to have kids, but it just never happened for me, does that make me a waste as well

@NoDatingForOldMen

This isn’t about you though, is it?
And I wasn’t suggesting OP doesn’t date him because he is single at 52.
Its unclear what actually went on there - maybe he didn’t feel the chemistry, etc.

But it’s a fair point about LTR…. I should have said - anyone not married/not been in LTR/no kids by 52 is probably alone for a reason. And those reasons Wouk make dating them difficult.

@Wasitmeeee
you would be better off posting your question on a mens health forum, you will get better responses

There's plenty enough men on here though.

Even so, you would still get better, more balanced, responses then some of the nonsense that get posted on here.

If you've decided you're not going to see him again, then why not take the bull by the horns and front it out.

Something like
I had a great time. I thought you did too. I really enjoyed our time together, particularly playing together in my room. I loved it when you finished off next to me. It really turned me on.

I'd love to see you again, as I greatly enjoy your company and would love to see where our playing takes us, but understand if your mind is made up about not getting together.

I hope to hear from you soon, so we can arrange our next date.

We both enjoyed our time. He even said it when we got home.
I’m not going to message him but he can contact me if he needs to. I was just taken aback by the way he was reluctant to meet again (said he didn’t want to make any firm plans for this last week) then didn’t phone but messaged a few times.
I think it may be embarrassment but he really doesn’t need to be. If he wasn’t keen on me why did he cine to my hotel room and then take me to his the next day for …

I do really like him as a person and we did get on well. He was so polite and an absolute gentleman on the weekend away. I really don’t get it!

I certainly wouldn’t have pressured him or anything and would’ve been quite happy to meet up for a meal or something and straight home.

Had a chat to one of the men on here and he seems to think he’s not used to a real woman (he did say he hadn’t been intimate in a long time and had been shy when younger and a late developer in that area) and thinks he is too used to DIY!

It’s nothing to do with being keen on on you or not, if was suffering from ED ( or couldn’t “perform “ ), this would be acutely embarrassing for him.

if you liked him and were not put off by any potential bedroom issues - you have to be the one to reach out.

@NoDatingForOldMen
But, what if it wasn’t that and he genuinely has concerns about a relationship with me? He did enter me but I did feel it wasn’t hard as it should be and he pulled out after a few mins and finished off. He didn’t say anything nor appear embarrassed at the time. Maybe I am just imagining it.
I’ll give it a week and maybe say hello or something. Yes, I did really like him and thought he liked me too so feeling very deflated right now.

I didn’t say or do anything at the time to embarrass him either.

I agree with that. You need to reach out to him if you want to continue the relationship. He is probably embarrassed.
Same thing happened to me (though we are a bit younger) and while the first time was very sweet, it was totally unproductive ;) because we were both very nervous. I very quickly asked him out for the date the following week to avoid him thinking he needs to be embarrassed. We struggled for few weeks after that but things worked themselves out.

@Wasitmeeee
honestly, if you like this guy, please don’t feel too deflated, leave it few days and drop him a light breezy line, probably along the lines of the 2nd paragraph outlined by Jumpking.

I didn’t say or do anything at the time to embarrass him either.
Im 100% you did not, but any failures or perceived failures in the bedroom are very difficult for men to deal with.

www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/fitness/erectile-dysfunction-i-felt-less-of-a-man-when-the-problem-started-1.2856617

I did ask him to meet up again and arrange a date but he kept saying he had something on. Messages were short and sweet until I caved in and asked him what his intentions towards me were - then it came out that he thought we had lots in common but in other areas miles apart and not aligned!

That’s sad. I definitely don’t see him as a failure. I thought he was really sweet. Probably the first man who didn’t pester me for naughty pics too - he was so respectful and polite.

@Wasitmeeee pm me if want to

Oh OK in that case, nevermind. His loss.